I am only Me!

Hey everyone reading this, I feel a little like Stephen King when he would start his books by addressing his faithful readers.  Yes, I was a King fan in my teens and into my 20's.  I read every book of his I could get my hands on.  In fact I still have a lot of those in hard back because once I started making some money I definitely couldn't wait for a paperback to come out.  My how times have changed.  I don't know when I last read a Stephen King book.  The closest I have come to horror or even fiction in a while was a couple of years ago when I started the Twilight series.  That series came to an end though when God convicted me of reading all these other books from cover to cover but never reading His book from cover to cover.  So I stopped in the midst of all the Twilight craze to read the Bible thru.  I bought a ninety day Bible and read it in 90 days and never read another Twilight book.  Yay God!  (Don't know where all that came from but as my daughter says....I am random anyway - random thoughts at random times even though I started a post that wasn't gonna contain the above.)

So what was I gonna say.....I am only Me!  I can't answer for anyone else but me.  I live my life, make my mistakes, ask for forgiveness and in the end I am only accountable for me especially if the others that are doing wrong ....do so and they know better.  I can't make that right, I can't say I am sorry, I won't answer to God for them....they will answer for them self.  Being me and being accountable for me is tough enough.  So I will be Me and only me.  A distinctly different person with different thoughts and different reactions.  If you look at the skies in the fall you see lots of BEAUTIFUL clouds but they are all different.  That is how we all are ......different.  Thank you God for making me that way.  Thank You for Making Me ...Me.  Don't judge me by the actions of anyone else but of my own.  I am Me!

So what is this ME.....  I am a sinner saved by grace, given mercy by the Father, shown love by the Son and filled by the Spirit.  I am no better than anyone else on this planet.  I just know God loves me and He cares for my every need.  I am striving daily to know Him better and to one day be like His Son.  I have a long way to go but it's o.k because He's Still Working On Me! 

Speaking of God working ....please pray that He keeps on working in the lives of some special people. 
Charles Humphries is having his leg amputated tomorrow to remove the cancer in his knee.  He will be taking chemo after that point to rid himself of the cancer in his lungs.

Peggy Bowers- still at Chapel Hill in stable condition

...there are other special requests that God knows all about.  Please remember your pastor if you go to church somewhere.  They have needs too and need to be uplifted.  Some of these are physical needs, some spiritual and maybe some even financial.  God knows them all and He will help.  We think of our pastors as being strong and so close to God that they might not need prayer but guess what. ... they are human too.  Their struggle is tougher than ours because they hear all the hurts and pains of all their members.  Add to that the battle with Satan that they face and it can be too much to bear but Our
God is bigger, Our God is Stronger, Our God is higher than any other.  Pray for your Pastor and if you don't have one....find one, and if you would like to pray for more than one....add my pastor Billie Lawson and even add my mom's pastor Jimmy Earp to your prayer list.  They both need your prayers. 

Love you all.  Pray my platelet count goes up!  It has been dropping and we are watching it to make sure I can still take chemo each time. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up

Tammy

God is So Good

God is so Good, God is so Good, God is so Good...He's so good to Me!  Yes, I feel like singing.  Everyday is a new day that God has given me to live, to breathe, to experience life for yet another day.  I truly thank Him for this.  I love God and I love all that he does for me.

I started this blog last night and got no further than the above.  But this morning as I returned from taking Maggie to the bus stop I had to start praising him again.  Just the simple act of getting to take my child to the bus stop is reason to Praise God!  He has given me another day.  YAY GOD!  As much as I wanna see heaven and I wanna See His Face, I love my family here on earth and wanna be here as long as I can.  Isn't that funny.  Well maybe not.  I guess we are all like that to a degree.

If you follow my posts on facebook you know my markers are down to 70 now.  YAY GOD!  We are gonna continue to do chemo until my numbers plateau.  I almost didn't get chemo this week.  My platelet counts are low and if they keep dropping I may not get it the next time I am scheduled.  Other than that all is well. 

Please continue to pray for Charles Humphries, Peggy Bowers, and my mom's pastor Jimmy Earp.  Charles is having his leg amputated on Monday.  He and his family need your prayers.  Mrs. Peggy is still in the burn center at Chapel Hill from a adverse drug reaction. 

Prayer works!  God is listening..... He may not answer in our time or in our way but He will answer.  I see His work everywhere.  I love you God!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up! 

Love you All

Tammy

Please Pray

I am copying a post from Jordan Evans that she wrote concerning her husband Jason who is battling Pancreatic Cancer.  He was diagnosed within days of my diagnosis.  Please, Please Pray for him and his family. 

Hi friends,

I'm not looking forward to posting this. As you can tell I'm having kind of a hard time. I am praying so hard for some strength. Jason had his doc appointment yesterday. They are going to set it up so he can have radiation on his neck and possibly his abdomen. The lymph node in his neck is very swollen. After radiation it should get better and improve the range of motion in his neck, it should also improve all the pain he's been having in his back. That was the good news...now here comes the hard news. The docs say in the coming weeks (they believe) Jason will not be able to do much for himself. We are meeting with a hospice nurse soon. The doctors believe Jason's time is limited. We have 4 birthdays in our family in the next 3 months, plus christmas, not to mention extended family members bdays ( 5 of them). We have a bumpy road ahead of us. Where my strength ends, The Lord's begins. <3

- Jordan

This breaks my heart.....Please Pray!

and while you are at it pray for Charles Humphries, the 16 year old that attends my church that has cancer also.  The are planning to amputate the leg that has the cancer.  Pray that God will give this family strength, peace and wrap them in His Love.

Pray for Peggy Bowers still in the ICU at Chapel Hill suffering burns that developed from an allergic reaction. 

My list could continue of people to pray for but God knows their names.  There are a lot of people with illnesses out there.  There are broken families, financial difficulties, mental illnesses that are being faced everyday.  I pray that God will bless...that people will turn to Him and realize how much they need him.  How people do life without Him .... I don't know. 

As I write this I feel guilty that I am doing so well.  No, my journey is not over, God is still working.  I don't know what my outcome will be but I Thank GOD FOR EVERY DAY HE GIVES ME. 

LOVE YOU ALL

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP

Tammy





And the greatest of these.....is love!

While working on a Sunday School lesson that was asking what was the true mind of Christ, I really started thinking about that answer.  What is the true mind of Christ?  He was in heaven with the father before coming to earth.  He came willingly.  He lived here as a human, he suffered, he cried, he felt pain, he was tempted, and he was crucified.  He then rose again to join God at His right hand.  WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?  WHY??????  It has to be love....there is no other answer.  He loved us so much that He became a sacrifice for us so we could be with Him forever.  I know no Greater Love Than This.  As much as my family loves me, my friends love me, or for that matter anyone loves me...no one loves me more than God.  And if no one loves me more than God.....then I can love no one else more than I love Him Back!  He gave the ultimate gift.  A gift of love!  And what is His greatest command...that we love Him with all our heart, mind and soul.  That is my hope, my call, my life's purpose:  to love God, mind, heart and soul.  And what is the 2nd greatest commandment....Love one another!  To love one another is to serve, to share, to be available to assist others in what they need....even if they are unlovable.  God will give you the strength and the love.  If His love is in your heart the love will show.  Yes, there are people that are hard to love especially those that have wronged you in the past.  All I know here is to treat them right and lean on God in your relationship with them.  I honestly have people in my life that in my normal day to day activities I would not concern myself with because of the wrong that has been done but if God required it I hope and pray that I in love could respond to whatever He needed me to do for them.  I don't hate or dislike these people and in fact have forgiven them and they are aware that I am at peace with the situation...God brought that peace.  And no, I still don't trust some these people but it's in God's hands so I will continue to respond in love.  You see, we don't answer to each other really.  Yes, a child has to answer to its parents, all of us answer to the law and leaders above us, a spouse should have to answer to their partner but ultimately WE ALL ANSWER TO GOD!  So everything we do we will have to answer for in front of HIM.  I don't wanna have the wrong answer when I stand in front of him.  I want to have loved, served, and given Him my all.  My every word and action is accountable to HIM.  Nope, I am not perfect.  I don't do everything I should the right way but I am trying and I pray that God will direct my paths and keep me straight.  Yes, I am rambling this afternoon.  Got alot on my mind for some reason.  That happens some times and I guess today is one of those days.  Part of it is a burden I some times feel for others.  I really think people forget God is present everywhere.  He SEES ALL and KNOWS ALL.  We can't hide things from him.  Whether it is a sin committed, a denial of Him, or just plain being lazy instead of working for Him....He knows it!  We can look good to each other, we can go to church and be very busy there but are we really working for GOD!  Are we doing what the spirit is leading us to do????  That's a question I am asking myself.  So this post like most of the ones about God are....is for me more than anyone else.  Me and God work alot of things out by me writing them down in a journal, on a blog or in the margin of a bible study book.  Go God....I like working things out with you!  It means you are not finished with me yet and your spirit is prompting these thoughts in my head.  Keep them coming!  I will keep listening and thinking on such things.  I wanna Love like You Love to repay Your gift of love to me. 

I haven't blogged since last week so I didn't post on here that my cancer markers are at 92!  WOW!  God is still working!!!  He has been so good to me.

Enough for now.  I am excited that my Monday night bible study has started back up and I am well enough to go.  We are doing the Book of Acts this year as well as some other books by Paul!  Also discipleship studies start at church this coming Sunday and guess what I am taking "The Mind of Christ".  I can't wait to dive in to His Word.  I admit I don't do so well on my own...I need structure so structure is coming my way.  Ready to Get Busy in His Word! 

Love you All

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Lessons my Grandma taught me!

I have been thinking this evening about my Grandma.  Don't know why but it happens sometimes.  I miss her and my Grandpa alot.  I know their final destination is Jesus so they are in a better place.  I spent weeks in the summer with my grandparents and pretty much if we went on vacation as a child we went with them.  They took us to the mountains at least twice and I know we went to the beach once.  those were good times.  My grandpa was a quite man.  He liked to tease and although He wasn't vocal about how much he loved you....you could tell in words and actions that he did.  Love you Grandpa Moore

My grandma Moore on the other hand was very vocal.  She loved God and didn't mind sharing Him with you.  I remember bible stories from grandma, reading her many books (she left some of them to me) and going to bible school each summer with them.  Those were great days.
Things she taught me:
1.  Brush my hair before I went to her house (LOL)  wish she could see it now.
2.  Respect those older than you!  And yes I respected her - she had switches and knew how to use them.
3.  Respect your pastor - He is called of God!  To go against Him is to go against God himself.
4.  That if God has placed a calling on your life - you don't have a choice of whether to fulfill it or not.  She used to say preach or burn when referring to the call to preach and then choosing to ignore a true call.  I know I don't want to decide on my own not to do something God called me to do.  (yes, this remembrance today is convicting).
5.  Just because you are a christian doesn't mean you have to let people run over you.  You stand up for what is right in every situation.  Even if others mean well...pray for discernment and when God reveals to you the right thing....stand by it.  God will not lead you astray.
6.  Say a prayer before every meal....(no I am not always good at this but I need to get that way.)
There is one other thing that I thought of above but forgot it when it came time to post.  Maybe it will come back. 

My Grandma Moore was an outspoken woman who loved God, her family and friends.  I don't thing there was anything she wouldn't do for someone in need.  She believed in the power of prayer and I can truly say she served as an example to me in this area of christian life.  I never stayed a night with her that after we had gone to bed that I didn't hear her kneeling beside her bed and praying for everyone before she went to sleep.  It is wonderful to hear your name in prayer being lifted up by your grandma and knowing that she prayed for you every day of your life.  She also loved to read and shared books with me.  She was intimidated sometimes by the topics in the Bible because she felt she wasn't educated enough to learn all she could but you know it doesn't matter your education level.  The Holy Spirit reveals through the word what is needed for you at any particular time of life.  He has worked that way since Pentecost.  Thank you for the Spirit Lord! 

My grandparents laid a spiritual foundation for me to grow on.  They didn't bring about my salvation.  That happened when I was 10 and I asked God in to my heart and believed upon His Son.  I have not been the same since.  Yes I fell away for awhile but He brought me back ....He sought me and He bought me with His redeeming love  and I have Victory In Jesus!  I really don't know if our grandparents will know us in heaven...I hope so but all of that will be pale in comparison to meeting My God and King!  One of These Days....I'm gonna walk these streets of Gold that are paved for me.

Yes I am a little Crazy....Crazy for Jesus or as Toby Mac sings...what would people say if they know that I'm a Jesus Freak.  You know what I don't care.  I am what I am!  Might have to just go see Toby again this year!  Got my Skillet tickets for the state fair.  Can't wait!  Rocking for Jesus. 

And now we break for a Tammy Update:

The MRI today showed that my liver lesions are now looking more like scar tissue.  ?so that may be gone (dead).  The pancreas tumor is not progressing.  Possible ablations or radiation in my future.  Chemo will continue until my markers plateau.  currently at 141.  I am banking on reaching 37 this week.  Dr. Anderson says it will be 75.  we shall see  : )  either way it's a drop!  God is still Good.  He is Working all the time and O' How I love Him!  Thanks for all your prayers.

Keep praying and keep looking up! 
Love you all!

Tammy

A Mother's Pride

This post is about my daughter whom I love very much. In the past couple of weeks with the start of middle school I have seen a child that is growing faster than I want her too.  She is becoming quite the independent young lady which makes me a little sad and very proud at the same time.  I am a little sad because she doesn't need mom as much but proud because she takes things into her own hands and takes care of them on her own.  She recently told me about an email she sent to the crayola company because she had lost a pen to a special notebook that she had gotten.  She asked them in the email where to purchase a replacement pen and included all of her contact information.  They sent her back a response which is when she shared with me what she had done (I was amazed) and then within a couple of days she got a replacement pen for free.  That is taking matters into your own hands.  She also has something going on at school that she is a little concerned about so she has taken this matter to her teacher and is receiving assistance.  I am glad she recognized what she needed and asked for help.  Go Maggie!  I know we all think our child is the best and I also know there are a lot of good kids out there but I truly thank God for mine.  She is a wonderful daughter.  She has a loving heart, makes friends easily and is very creative.  She will never know completely how much I love her although I tell her all the time.  I also tell her that she is my best daughter to which she rolls her eyes because she is my only daughter.  I pray that God will always be by her side and guide her life.  That He will protect her and keep her safe.  She is actually not my child, she is His!  This is something that I had to come to terms with when I was first diagnosed and I didn't know how long I would be here for her.  I just have to thank God for her and thank Him for each day He gives me to be her mom!  I know He will always be with her when I can't be and that brings me PEACE.  I truly trust her care to God!  He is directing her path as He is directing mine. 

That's enough about that.  I have chemo tomorrow and expect to learn my MRI results.  I will let you know what I find out.  I am expecting a positive report.  God Has This and either way I am in His hand.  Thank you God for that.  Thank you for your spirit that lives in me and provides comfort and peace.  I don't deserve God's love or provisions but He provides for me anyway because He loves and He looks beyond my faults and sees my needs.  I can never thank Him enough.  Thank You Father above! 

I still have some folks I would love for you to pray for.
Charles Humphries - going to a cancer center in Texas tomorrow to learn about more treatment options. 
Peggy Bowers - in the UNC burn center after an allergic reaction to meds. 
Jason Evans - Jason has the same cancer I have and was diagnosed around the same time I was.

I know God's presence is surrounding Charles, Peggy and Jason and He will provide for them as He has provided for me. 

One more thing, I am in Bible Study Fellowship which is a Bible study in which we go thru books of the bible.  Tonight is the first night back since May and I am excited.  I actually stopped going earlier than May because of all that I had going on then but I got all the lessons and kept up with what was going on at home.  Last years study was Isaiah and it was what I needed right when I needed it.  To learn the scripture about God's righteous right hand weeks before I needed it is right on time.  That is how God is.....Right on Time. 

^{Isa 41:10} So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

This year is a study of the book of Acts.  I really can't wait to jump in and dig into His word.  I am sure it will be right on time also. 
Keep praying for me!  And keep looking UP!

Tammy

Just to say HI

Well....thought I would write a line or two to say HI!  I had my MRI this afternoon.  I don't know what they saw (sorry) they are not suppose to tell me and I didn't know the person giving me the MRI she was new.  I feel good about it and am at peace no matter the findings.  I really believe we will see that my cancer has shrunk some more or that it is not even there any more at all.  I spent time in the chamber praying that prayer.
It is actually kinda of peaceful in there if you can get over the containment part of it.  I am literally all the way in when I have my pancreas and liver scanned.  If I open my eyes the chamber is literally only a couple of inches from my face.  At least there is air blowing in there.  It can be a little scary actually and I will be honest and say I am usually glad when it is over.  If you notice above I said If I open my eyes, haha, I usually keep them closed so I don't have to notice how close I am to the top of the machine.  I did find myself getting a little nervous today so I started to sing (nope, not out loud) ...Peace, Peace Wonderful Peace....but that didn't quite feel right so I switched to Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.  There's just something about that name.  Jesus, Jesus, Jesus like the fragrance after the rain.  (now that's a peaceful song).  Well enough for now.  I will let you know when I know something - I promise.

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy