Good Evening,
Do you ever get the feeling that there is something else you are suppose to be doing? That you are missing the mark somehow. I do and at this point in my life....that is where I am at. I have over the past couple of months came to the realization that God tipped me out of the boat since I didn't climb out on my own and that giving my Praise to Him was my Job. I have felt that this Cancer was a calling and my job was to Praise Him through The Storm and to share that with everyone. Well, guess what.... he is now prompting my heart that ....that's not all. That's not enought. So once again I am wondering what else God?
Since the fall, I have been involved in a weekly Bible study on the book of Acts and the writings of Paul. Paul was a man of action. I am so amazed at his witness and the boldness that he possessed. Yes, as Saul he actively persecuted Christians but after his conversion he went "all in" in sharing the gospel of Christ. From the stories of his conversion, to the letters he wrote to the churches encouraging them and to the consistency and passion he felt in his work for God, it leaves me convicted that I am not doing enough. Oh to be a Paul!!!
In the last couple of weeks, I have started another Bible study on the book of James that is at the same time convicting me of the same thing. The book of James is crammed packed full of wisdom for Christians and to me it is very much a checklist of things I should be doing and/or not doing. I find myself reading then rereading these scripture because I can't possibly get it all the first time through.
I am afraid at times and happy at times to say that the mirror of His Word is shining in my face as I read His Word and sometimes I don't like what I see. That scares me, saddens me, motivates me but at the same time it makes me happy to know that I can recognize these things to work on. It makes me certain that God is not finish with me yet. Oh how I wish I were already complete, but I am afraid if you put a completion percentage on my life that I might not even reach 10%. Not even a tithe of my life - ouch God that hurts - but thank you for showing me that! I am trying and thank you for not giving up on me!
James 1:25 But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
If you don't forget to do what you heard.....wow. Read His word, Apply His word! These words are tugging at my heart. There is a reason! Pray with me that He reveals this reason.
One more thing that may be related to the above. I had another dream recently and I can't seem to forget it so it must be important. God has a way of repeating things to me (maybe because I am so stubborn it takes him 3 or 4 times to get across to me). I dreamed I was at the beach with my family. We were not staying on the beach but across the street and actually could not see it from where we were. As everyone else was doing other things and we were actually leaving the place I told the others that I was gonna walk to the beach and would meet them back there. As I started walking I noted that the straight way was not the easiest way to get there. I had to go around obstacles such as buildings or landscapes so a walk of a block took a couple of blocks to get to. When I finally arrived at the sand my first view was a BEAUTIFUL beach with the sun setting ... I had gotten there at just the right time. The waves were huge and the colors I can't completely describe. As I quickly took that veiw in and started to turn my gaze, I noted that directly in front of me was a mountain of sand. there was no viewing the beach unless I look directly through the narrow opening to my left. How funny that I didn't notice before that it was only an opening. I only looked through the hole at the sight on the other side and didn't even see the hole. Kinda like looking through glasses and not seeing the frames. Once I had a clearer picture, I realized that my journey wasn't ended and in fact if I wanted to see that again, my journey would still continue either by climbing that mountain or finding a way around it. There was not way through the hole I originally saw. In my dream, I started to continue my journey and then I woke up.
After the thoughts of the last week and the James study tonight, I have started to think they are related. My journey is not finished, there is something I have yet to do. It is still not gonna be easy and definitely not straight forward at this point anyway. I still hear the Isaiah scripture singing in my ear. "Whether I go to the left or the right, a voice will be whispering, "this is my way...walk in it" (that's the Tammy version). God is up to something Always and I know He is calling me to be a part of it. That was all of my dream but as I said I haven't been able to shake it out of my mind so I decided to share it. If you have any thoughts about it, please share.
Please know that I Love you all....thanks to those who are still reading. Just because I feel there is something else I am to do does not mean I am giving up the blog because I still feel this is part of His plan. I really feel that there is a reason for it and if not this year, or next year there will come a time that it will make a big difference in some one's life. God has a way of giving us what we need when we need it. I LOVE HIM FOR THAT! I hope this blog is that thing for some person some day.
For a me update: Chemo was last Tuesday. I felt yucky afterwards till Wednesday night mostly because I was nauseated and didn't want to eat. The sad thing is ... is that I need to eat because that helps stop my nausea. My markers are at 46 (yes a little, little, little elevated from the 20's but this is part of the plateau process - and if it's not - God still has THIS!!! - i SAY THAT WITH OUT A DOUBT).
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up! If you aren't reading His Word - Go ahead open it and let it Change YOU!!!!
That's all for now!
Tammy
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
It's been awhile!!
Good Afternoon,
I was thinking this morning that I had not written on here in a while so here you go. Here's what is on my mind (scary huh)
I went to the Casting Crowns concert Friday night and really enjoyed it. There were other artists there including Matthew West whom I like also but I have to say that out of all christian artists/groups two of Casting Crowns songs have directly impacted my life in a way that no other song has. The two songs are The Voice of Truth and Praise You in This Storm.
I have to tell you that Voice of Truth is my absolute favorite and it goes back a couple of years ago as to why. My daughter Maggie learned this song at our church's daycare. I remember her singing it and then getting a CD with that song on it. So what is so special about this song? Why it's the words... "Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves.... Well, they spoke so clearly to me. See I can truly remember telling someone that I felt that song was speaking to me that at some point in my future that God was going to call me out of the boat and was gonna have to get out of it. The 2nd verse says "Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sounds of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor wishing they had had the strength to stand." I knew in my heart that that would happen one day too. The chorus "and the waves/giant calling out my name and they laugh at me..reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed and the waves/giant keeps on telling me time and time again, girl you'll never win, you'll never win." See I just knew that it would happen and guess what it has. Yes, the giant is the Cancer and even the waves could be considered that too. This diagnosis has changed me. Yes, I had to get out of the boat, I have to stand and face the giant and yes at times it laughs at me but I am not listening to any of what it has to say See the Voice of Truth tells me a different story, the Voice of Truth says do not be afraid and the Voice of Truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me I will chose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.
About 2 years ago in one of the mission magazines that we get monthly at church there was a picture of some missionaries that hike on the Appalachian trail in the summer and share Christ with people on the trail There was a picture of one of them (a lady) that was sitting with her legs dangling off the side of a mountain. I kept that picture and had it in my office at work until all of my stuff was packed up and brought home. I still have that magazine somewhere. That picture spoke to me because I am afraid of heights and I could look at that picture and know that at some point God was gonna call me to step out of the boat, face a giant or even dangle my feet off of an edge. Did I think that God was gonna make me do any of the above - No but I knew that He was gonna take me out of my comfort zone and make me depend on Him. Well, I am there now. With my cancer all I have is dependence on Him. Complete dependence on Him. I would not be here today if it was not for His grace, love and mercy. He hasn't chosen at this point to reveal a complete healing to me yet but I do strongly know that He has chosen to lengthen my days and that is how I have prayed. I have truly prayed for complete healing, for lengthening of days but honestly all my prayers end with but not my will but thy will be done. See He knows what is best for my life, what is best for my family and what is best for all of us. We try to tamper with His judgement and His work and even change it or tune Him out but we can't disrupt His plan. I truly think that sometimes people think they can change His mind or do things for Him but His plan was in action before the creation of the world. At the concert on Friday night, we were told that our life we are living is our present but God's history. It was mentioned again in Sunday School this morning. I am not afraid because I trust the Voice of Truth. It was all I could do this morning when I sang the Voice of Truth with the choir to not say "to stand before a Lion" I had chills prior to singing the song and was able to pull it together enough to sing it. See God has used that song and its message in my life for years now. Probably at least 4 or 5 years at least. Yes, it should have long since been replaced by a new favorite song but it never has. It is my song and will always be I suspect. If you wanna hear it, here you go.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y
that's all for now, although I could go on for days on this topic.
chemoing and watching my numbers and trusting God.
Please keep praying and keep looking up!
Please continue to pray for Charles Humphries! He is the 16 year old that I have requested prayer for in the past. He has finished some of his chemo treatments and will now be having scans done in preparation for lung surgery to remove the cancer they found in his lungs. There is also a very active group raising money to get an artificial leg for Charles that he can use for sports activities. I will post some of that info on here this week.
Love you all,
Tammy
I was thinking this morning that I had not written on here in a while so here you go. Here's what is on my mind (scary huh)
I went to the Casting Crowns concert Friday night and really enjoyed it. There were other artists there including Matthew West whom I like also but I have to say that out of all christian artists/groups two of Casting Crowns songs have directly impacted my life in a way that no other song has. The two songs are The Voice of Truth and Praise You in This Storm.
I have to tell you that Voice of Truth is my absolute favorite and it goes back a couple of years ago as to why. My daughter Maggie learned this song at our church's daycare. I remember her singing it and then getting a CD with that song on it. So what is so special about this song? Why it's the words... "Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves.... Well, they spoke so clearly to me. See I can truly remember telling someone that I felt that song was speaking to me that at some point in my future that God was going to call me out of the boat and was gonna have to get out of it. The 2nd verse says "Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sounds of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor wishing they had had the strength to stand." I knew in my heart that that would happen one day too. The chorus "and the waves/giant calling out my name and they laugh at me..reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed and the waves/giant keeps on telling me time and time again, girl you'll never win, you'll never win." See I just knew that it would happen and guess what it has. Yes, the giant is the Cancer and even the waves could be considered that too. This diagnosis has changed me. Yes, I had to get out of the boat, I have to stand and face the giant and yes at times it laughs at me but I am not listening to any of what it has to say See the Voice of Truth tells me a different story, the Voice of Truth says do not be afraid and the Voice of Truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me I will chose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.
About 2 years ago in one of the mission magazines that we get monthly at church there was a picture of some missionaries that hike on the Appalachian trail in the summer and share Christ with people on the trail There was a picture of one of them (a lady) that was sitting with her legs dangling off the side of a mountain. I kept that picture and had it in my office at work until all of my stuff was packed up and brought home. I still have that magazine somewhere. That picture spoke to me because I am afraid of heights and I could look at that picture and know that at some point God was gonna call me to step out of the boat, face a giant or even dangle my feet off of an edge. Did I think that God was gonna make me do any of the above - No but I knew that He was gonna take me out of my comfort zone and make me depend on Him. Well, I am there now. With my cancer all I have is dependence on Him. Complete dependence on Him. I would not be here today if it was not for His grace, love and mercy. He hasn't chosen at this point to reveal a complete healing to me yet but I do strongly know that He has chosen to lengthen my days and that is how I have prayed. I have truly prayed for complete healing, for lengthening of days but honestly all my prayers end with but not my will but thy will be done. See He knows what is best for my life, what is best for my family and what is best for all of us. We try to tamper with His judgement and His work and even change it or tune Him out but we can't disrupt His plan. I truly think that sometimes people think they can change His mind or do things for Him but His plan was in action before the creation of the world. At the concert on Friday night, we were told that our life we are living is our present but God's history. It was mentioned again in Sunday School this morning. I am not afraid because I trust the Voice of Truth. It was all I could do this morning when I sang the Voice of Truth with the choir to not say "to stand before a Lion" I had chills prior to singing the song and was able to pull it together enough to sing it. See God has used that song and its message in my life for years now. Probably at least 4 or 5 years at least. Yes, it should have long since been replaced by a new favorite song but it never has. It is my song and will always be I suspect. If you wanna hear it, here you go.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y
that's all for now, although I could go on for days on this topic.
chemoing and watching my numbers and trusting God.
Please keep praying and keep looking up!
Please continue to pray for Charles Humphries! He is the 16 year old that I have requested prayer for in the past. He has finished some of his chemo treatments and will now be having scans done in preparation for lung surgery to remove the cancer they found in his lungs. There is also a very active group raising money to get an artificial leg for Charles that he can use for sports activities. I will post some of that info on here this week.
Love you all,
Tammy
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