Good Evening,
Do you ever get the feeling that there is something else you are suppose to be doing? That you are missing the mark somehow. I do and at this point in my life....that is where I am at. I have over the past couple of months came to the realization that God tipped me out of the boat since I didn't climb out on my own and that giving my Praise to Him was my Job. I have felt that this Cancer was a calling and my job was to Praise Him through The Storm and to share that with everyone. Well, guess what.... he is now prompting my heart that ....that's not all. That's not enought. So once again I am wondering what else God?
Since the fall, I have been involved in a weekly Bible study on the book of Acts and the writings of Paul. Paul was a man of action. I am so amazed at his witness and the boldness that he possessed. Yes, as Saul he actively persecuted Christians but after his conversion he went "all in" in sharing the gospel of Christ. From the stories of his conversion, to the letters he wrote to the churches encouraging them and to the consistency and passion he felt in his work for God, it leaves me convicted that I am not doing enough. Oh to be a Paul!!!
In the last couple of weeks, I have started another Bible study on the book of James that is at the same time convicting me of the same thing. The book of James is crammed packed full of wisdom for Christians and to me it is very much a checklist of things I should be doing and/or not doing. I find myself reading then rereading these scripture because I can't possibly get it all the first time through.
I am afraid at times and happy at times to say that the mirror of His Word is shining in my face as I read His Word and sometimes I don't like what I see. That scares me, saddens me, motivates me but at the same time it makes me happy to know that I can recognize these things to work on. It makes me certain that God is not finish with me yet. Oh how I wish I were already complete, but I am afraid if you put a completion percentage on my life that I might not even reach 10%. Not even a tithe of my life - ouch God that hurts - but thank you for showing me that! I am trying and thank you for not giving up on me!
James 1:25 But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
If you don't forget to do what you heard.....wow. Read His word, Apply His word! These words are tugging at my heart. There is a reason! Pray with me that He reveals this reason.
One more thing that may be related to the above. I had another dream recently and I can't seem to forget it so it must be important. God has a way of repeating things to me (maybe because I am so stubborn it takes him 3 or 4 times to get across to me). I dreamed I was at the beach with my family. We were not staying on the beach but across the street and actually could not see it from where we were. As everyone else was doing other things and we were actually leaving the place I told the others that I was gonna walk to the beach and would meet them back there. As I started walking I noted that the straight way was not the easiest way to get there. I had to go around obstacles such as buildings or landscapes so a walk of a block took a couple of blocks to get to. When I finally arrived at the sand my first view was a BEAUTIFUL beach with the sun setting ... I had gotten there at just the right time. The waves were huge and the colors I can't completely describe. As I quickly took that veiw in and started to turn my gaze, I noted that directly in front of me was a mountain of sand. there was no viewing the beach unless I look directly through the narrow opening to my left. How funny that I didn't notice before that it was only an opening. I only looked through the hole at the sight on the other side and didn't even see the hole. Kinda like looking through glasses and not seeing the frames. Once I had a clearer picture, I realized that my journey wasn't ended and in fact if I wanted to see that again, my journey would still continue either by climbing that mountain or finding a way around it. There was not way through the hole I originally saw. In my dream, I started to continue my journey and then I woke up.
After the thoughts of the last week and the James study tonight, I have started to think they are related. My journey is not finished, there is something I have yet to do. It is still not gonna be easy and definitely not straight forward at this point anyway. I still hear the Isaiah scripture singing in my ear. "Whether I go to the left or the right, a voice will be whispering, "this is my way...walk in it" (that's the Tammy version). God is up to something Always and I know He is calling me to be a part of it. That was all of my dream but as I said I haven't been able to shake it out of my mind so I decided to share it. If you have any thoughts about it, please share.
Please know that I Love you all....thanks to those who are still reading. Just because I feel there is something else I am to do does not mean I am giving up the blog because I still feel this is part of His plan. I really feel that there is a reason for it and if not this year, or next year there will come a time that it will make a big difference in some one's life. God has a way of giving us what we need when we need it. I LOVE HIM FOR THAT! I hope this blog is that thing for some person some day.
For a me update: Chemo was last Tuesday. I felt yucky afterwards till Wednesday night mostly because I was nauseated and didn't want to eat. The sad thing is ... is that I need to eat because that helps stop my nausea. My markers are at 46 (yes a little, little, little elevated from the 20's but this is part of the plateau process - and if it's not - God still has THIS!!! - i SAY THAT WITH OUT A DOUBT).
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up! If you aren't reading His Word - Go ahead open it and let it Change YOU!!!!
That's all for now!
Tammy
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