Just a prayer request today. Remember me tomorrow as I go to Duke to have them evaluate the flow thru my liver. They will see if the stints are working properly and evaluate the drain that I have in my side to see if it is working, if I need it at all or if it needs replacement. My wish is for it to be removed but I am seeking God's will cause He knows the future and I don't. I have to there at 830. Pray for safe travels there and back, physician wisdom, and pain to be managed during procedure. (yes, I want the sedation to work). I will post an update tomorrow evening if I can. Thanks for the prayers.
Keep praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Monday, monday......
I do have a bit of good news today. I think part of my weepiness may be medication induced. I had been having problems sleeping so my doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien. Side effects of this medication is depressing thoughts. Well, I had taken it nightly since Tuesday so last night I held off on taking it. I felt much better today thought wise. I have not cried except when I prayed and that crying is normal for me. So I will be taking that drug only in extreme circumstances when I feel that I haven't been getting the sleep I need and only a night at a time. Thanks for all the prayers and the uplifting comments that resulted from my post. Yes, I will still get weepy eyed over all of this sometimes without the assistance of medication but that's o.k. God sees those tears and he knows why they are falling.
I have spent alot of time today googling Pancreatic Cancer. It is so sad that this cancer is so difficult to detect. Almost everyone gets their diagnosis too late to do the most aggressive type of treatment. I think that the research wheels are turning and there will be changes in the future. Everything I have read reassures me that what I am doing is the best for the type of cancer that I have. That my treatment is the best and the steps we are taking are the best for what I have going on. I truly think God is giving me the tools that He wants me to use and I am to use them. I think if this changes, He will let me know. I truly trust Him to do that.
Well that's all I have for today. Thanks to all the people that are bringing meals to my family. To be honest, I can't take the smells of cooking due to nausea, although I have managed to cook scrambled eggs (they don't smell) and cook noodles which I can eat without problems. I am sorry to say that I eat very little of what is brought but David and Maggie really appreciate it. It is kinda sad to go to the grocery store and see all the foods you would love to buy but know you're not gonna be able to eat them as long as you are on chemo. Potato chips (how I loved you).....gone. Everything is so salty. I did eat a little of my mom's baked spaghetti today (yes it was salty too and she added no extra salt). That was my lunch. Supper was a banana sandwich (got that potassium in) and if you want to know breakfast was honey nut cheerios minus the milk (we were out but we got some today). That's all I have eaten at this point. Some days I am hungry and some days I am not. I try to make the most of the hungry days. And sometimes we slip off to Cook Out for milkshakes, Jd's for ice cream or Hills of Snow for shaved ice. That's after the one chemo drug that makes my mouth cold sensitive wears out usually by the weekend after chemo on Tuesday. Actually all this cold sweet stuff tastes normal and is actually good to me. Kinda like cherry KoolAid is my favorite drink now. (Good stuff). I hope I don't bore you with all of this but its my life and I am blogging it because I feel the need to.
This scripture comes from my daily devotional for today. Seems like a good one to plant in my heart especially after my period of weepiness. Ps 119:28
Once again thanks for your prayers.....keep'em coming.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you All
Tammy My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
I have spent alot of time today googling Pancreatic Cancer. It is so sad that this cancer is so difficult to detect. Almost everyone gets their diagnosis too late to do the most aggressive type of treatment. I think that the research wheels are turning and there will be changes in the future. Everything I have read reassures me that what I am doing is the best for the type of cancer that I have. That my treatment is the best and the steps we are taking are the best for what I have going on. I truly think God is giving me the tools that He wants me to use and I am to use them. I think if this changes, He will let me know. I truly trust Him to do that.
Well that's all I have for today. Thanks to all the people that are bringing meals to my family. To be honest, I can't take the smells of cooking due to nausea, although I have managed to cook scrambled eggs (they don't smell) and cook noodles which I can eat without problems. I am sorry to say that I eat very little of what is brought but David and Maggie really appreciate it. It is kinda sad to go to the grocery store and see all the foods you would love to buy but know you're not gonna be able to eat them as long as you are on chemo. Potato chips (how I loved you).....gone. Everything is so salty. I did eat a little of my mom's baked spaghetti today (yes it was salty too and she added no extra salt). That was my lunch. Supper was a banana sandwich (got that potassium in) and if you want to know breakfast was honey nut cheerios minus the milk (we were out but we got some today). That's all I have eaten at this point. Some days I am hungry and some days I am not. I try to make the most of the hungry days. And sometimes we slip off to Cook Out for milkshakes, Jd's for ice cream or Hills of Snow for shaved ice. That's after the one chemo drug that makes my mouth cold sensitive wears out usually by the weekend after chemo on Tuesday. Actually all this cold sweet stuff tastes normal and is actually good to me. Kinda like cherry KoolAid is my favorite drink now. (Good stuff). I hope I don't bore you with all of this but its my life and I am blogging it because I feel the need to.
This scripture comes from my daily devotional for today. Seems like a good one to plant in my heart especially after my period of weepiness. Ps 119:28
Once again thanks for your prayers.....keep'em coming.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you All
Tammy My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Day by day
Good Afternoon,
Maybe I have my problem with logging into this blog figured out. I got in this afternoon anyway. YAY!
I wish I could say my life has been all sunshine and roses lately and that I have been Mrs. Positive but I can't say that. I must admit that I am probably letting God down a little lately and I ask Him to forgive me. It gets a little tough some days to see the sunshine or to see God in all this and I let the blues get the best of me. I start crying for no reason it seems sometimes and other times it is for reasons. Please pray for me to stop letting negative thoughts take over. God has been so good to me and I know He is here all the time. I know He is working even now and although I know this I can't plant it in my head. I can't quite keep it there. I know He can heal me, I know He could do this today, tomorrow or a year from now. I also know He may choose not to heal me and while I pray His will Be Done. I haven't quite come to the acceptance of His Will. Not of His complete Will. Maybe that's my issue. I have to come into acceptance of His Complete Will and realize that It may not and probably will not happen over night, over weeks or months even. I love God that much I do know. I know that He is my Savior, My redeemer, My Deliverer, My Provider, My Healer, My All in All. He is an Awesome God and He Loves ME so much. Oh, that I could love Him as much as He loves me. I am sorry if this is a little bit deep for you but if it touches you in any way......please pray for me. Pray for the positive vibe to start back flowing, pray for my trust in God to increase, Pray for me to take it one day at a time knowing that God WILL provide the manna I need for each day. Pray for me on Wednesday....
I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check this drain that is in my side. Please remember me that day. I think that is partly the reason why I am so weepy.....uncertainty and fear. And that is the opposite of trust and belief in God. That is temporary atheism. I don't wanna not believe in God. I wanna trust and believe 24/7. Please Pray with me!!!! Thanks
Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!
Maybe I have my problem with logging into this blog figured out. I got in this afternoon anyway. YAY!
I wish I could say my life has been all sunshine and roses lately and that I have been Mrs. Positive but I can't say that. I must admit that I am probably letting God down a little lately and I ask Him to forgive me. It gets a little tough some days to see the sunshine or to see God in all this and I let the blues get the best of me. I start crying for no reason it seems sometimes and other times it is for reasons. Please pray for me to stop letting negative thoughts take over. God has been so good to me and I know He is here all the time. I know He is working even now and although I know this I can't plant it in my head. I can't quite keep it there. I know He can heal me, I know He could do this today, tomorrow or a year from now. I also know He may choose not to heal me and while I pray His will Be Done. I haven't quite come to the acceptance of His Will. Not of His complete Will. Maybe that's my issue. I have to come into acceptance of His Complete Will and realize that It may not and probably will not happen over night, over weeks or months even. I love God that much I do know. I know that He is my Savior, My redeemer, My Deliverer, My Provider, My Healer, My All in All. He is an Awesome God and He Loves ME so much. Oh, that I could love Him as much as He loves me. I am sorry if this is a little bit deep for you but if it touches you in any way......please pray for me. Pray for the positive vibe to start back flowing, pray for my trust in God to increase, Pray for me to take it one day at a time knowing that God WILL provide the manna I need for each day. Pray for me on Wednesday....
I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check this drain that is in my side. Please remember me that day. I think that is partly the reason why I am so weepy.....uncertainty and fear. And that is the opposite of trust and belief in God. That is temporary atheism. I don't wanna not believe in God. I wanna trust and believe 24/7. Please Pray with me!!!! Thanks
Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sorry the delay
For some reason I can't get my computer to let me on the blog site. It will not let me post and I don't know why. So I am on David's computer. Thanks for the hint mom.
Since I posted life has been o.k. Chemo was not too bad. Haven't felt much like eating but trying to make sure I eat anyway. I actually ate a Nacho Bellgrande today. It was o.k. .....salty. David couldn't believe I ordered it but I get so tired of eating the same things all the time. It would have been better with unsalted chips. Oh well. As far as regular life, I am a little bored lately. There has not been alot going on and I get a little lonesome sometimes when David has stuff to do and Maggie is at school and its just me and this house. Yes, I make phone calls, I play on the computer, I read, attempt crochet and try to do anything to get myself occupied but sometimes I am bored. Sometimes I get weepy to ......don't know why and at times it is out of the blue .....like right now. Please pray for me. I love God and He loves me but I just get tired sometimes and cry. I know he sees the tears, I know he hears my prayers, and I know He loves me but it not time to know the answer yet. He has reassured me in several ways this week about some issues I was worried about. If He will help me in some things why would I not think he will help me in all things, how quickly like the Israelites do I forget the reassurance he gave me yesterday when I am looking at today's problems. I am as stubborn as the Israelites if not more so than they were. I pray God will help me daily remember His blessings and daily look to him. I feel that I am looking at him daily but it is not full in His wonderful face because I get distracted to easily. God is all I need and all this other stuff is just that stuff. Why can't I let him handle it all. Well, I am working on getting there....as I said pray for me. Also I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check my liver out again. I have mixed emotions about that one. If I come home without my drain, I will be happy. If I come home with more issues....not so happy. So once again PRAY
I love you all.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
dalsnlabs@yahoo.com (in case you wanna email me)
Since I posted life has been o.k. Chemo was not too bad. Haven't felt much like eating but trying to make sure I eat anyway. I actually ate a Nacho Bellgrande today. It was o.k. .....salty. David couldn't believe I ordered it but I get so tired of eating the same things all the time. It would have been better with unsalted chips. Oh well. As far as regular life, I am a little bored lately. There has not been alot going on and I get a little lonesome sometimes when David has stuff to do and Maggie is at school and its just me and this house. Yes, I make phone calls, I play on the computer, I read, attempt crochet and try to do anything to get myself occupied but sometimes I am bored. Sometimes I get weepy to ......don't know why and at times it is out of the blue .....like right now. Please pray for me. I love God and He loves me but I just get tired sometimes and cry. I know he sees the tears, I know he hears my prayers, and I know He loves me but it not time to know the answer yet. He has reassured me in several ways this week about some issues I was worried about. If He will help me in some things why would I not think he will help me in all things, how quickly like the Israelites do I forget the reassurance he gave me yesterday when I am looking at today's problems. I am as stubborn as the Israelites if not more so than they were. I pray God will help me daily remember His blessings and daily look to him. I feel that I am looking at him daily but it is not full in His wonderful face because I get distracted to easily. God is all I need and all this other stuff is just that stuff. Why can't I let him handle it all. Well, I am working on getting there....as I said pray for me. Also I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check my liver out again. I have mixed emotions about that one. If I come home without my drain, I will be happy. If I come home with more issues....not so happy. So once again PRAY
I love you all.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
dalsnlabs@yahoo.com (in case you wanna email me)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Stubborn People - Yep That's Me
I have an issue in my life that I am trying to be a obsessed with and not give to God. As I started to worry about this issue one of the very first persons I talked with who knows exactly what is going on told me to not worry to give it to God that He was gonna take care of it. So what did I do.... I continued to worry and think about it.
Yesterday morning I awaken to read my "Jesus Calling" devotional book and what did it say......"I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do, I am the Lord."
Does that sound like a stubborn person?....yes that is me. Did I continue to worry.....Yes I did. Later in the day, I spoke with my mom. She talked me thru the whole process and finally told me to stop worrying that God will provide. There were times in her life that she was provided what she needed to keep going at exactly the right time and she is certain God will do that for me. Did I continue to worry......welllllll.....I started getting it in my head that everything would be all right that I just needed to trust God.
So now this morning I get up to teach my Sunday school lesson. What was it about? Trusting God and how he provided for a widow when she was in need. Yes..same message for what the 5th time. Pastor Billie even mentioned in his sermon exactly what I was worried about and his message. Stop worrying.....God will Provide. So do I get it now.......YES I DO. Pray that I keep trusting and quit worrying. God will provide, I only need to trust Him. Love you God!
Yesterday morning I awaken to read my "Jesus Calling" devotional book and what did it say......"I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do, I am the Lord."
Does that sound like a stubborn person?....yes that is me. Did I continue to worry.....Yes I did. Later in the day, I spoke with my mom. She talked me thru the whole process and finally told me to stop worrying that God will provide. There were times in her life that she was provided what she needed to keep going at exactly the right time and she is certain God will do that for me. Did I continue to worry......welllllll.....I started getting it in my head that everything would be all right that I just needed to trust God.
So now this morning I get up to teach my Sunday school lesson. What was it about? Trusting God and how he provided for a widow when she was in need. Yes..same message for what the 5th time. Pastor Billie even mentioned in his sermon exactly what I was worried about and his message. Stop worrying.....God will Provide. So do I get it now.......YES I DO. Pray that I keep trusting and quit worrying. God will provide, I only need to trust Him. Love you God!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Driving
I drove on Friday for the first time in 9 weeks if David's calculations are correct. I have taken Maggie to the bus stop a couple of times this week but yesterday I drove to Smithfield twice. No one was harmed and we made it there and back quite safely. I haven't been driving because chemo sometimes seems to be affecting my brain and my concentration. I sensed this alot when I first started it but I think that either my body is adjusting to the chemo and that part is not affecting me as much or it just that its almost 2 weeks out since I had chemo and the effects are wearing off but will be back on Tuesday when I get chemo again. I think I am gonna try to be on the alert for that next week.
I also started a study that I had bought a while back because my brain seemed a little clearer. It is called Verically Inclined and as I think of it I bought it 2 years ago at a Whole Women's conference. I felt like I could get into it and really needed something to focus on to get into the Bible again. I have had a hard time even sitting down to read it. I read and it seems that is it. It's like the words weren't sticking so reading was doing me no good. In the past couple of weeks that has changed also. So I started a study. Don't know how that will work next Wednesday but I guess I will see. If I don't think I am getting it like I should I will put it aside until my brain cells kick back in again.
Well that's about it for now. What a wonderful feeling to drive. I am actually going to drive again today because Maggie and I are going to church this morning for a WMU service and David has somewhere else to be at the same time. The speaker this morning is a potter and will be talking with us while making a piece of pottery. I am looking forward to this.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Don't forget church on Sunday. Remember me and my family in your prayers.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP! God Loves You!
Tammy
I also started a study that I had bought a while back because my brain seemed a little clearer. It is called Verically Inclined and as I think of it I bought it 2 years ago at a Whole Women's conference. I felt like I could get into it and really needed something to focus on to get into the Bible again. I have had a hard time even sitting down to read it. I read and it seems that is it. It's like the words weren't sticking so reading was doing me no good. In the past couple of weeks that has changed also. So I started a study. Don't know how that will work next Wednesday but I guess I will see. If I don't think I am getting it like I should I will put it aside until my brain cells kick back in again.
Well that's about it for now. What a wonderful feeling to drive. I am actually going to drive again today because Maggie and I are going to church this morning for a WMU service and David has somewhere else to be at the same time. The speaker this morning is a potter and will be talking with us while making a piece of pottery. I am looking forward to this.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Don't forget church on Sunday. Remember me and my family in your prayers.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP! God Loves You!
Tammy
Thursday, May 19, 2011
That's So Random!
I really don't have that much to say but alot of random stuff going on. The last couple of days have actually been good and I seem to be getting a little more content with sitting and doing things at home. I don't feel the need to go somewhere everyday which is good for David because how many times can you go to Walmart in one week. My trips out consist of Walmart, Food Lion and Lowes cause they have carts I can ride. (lol). I do make it to KMart now and then but it is small enough and I am not in there usually long enough to get tired walking. Church is also a welcome break and then there is the trip here and there to pick up something from some random store that I make with David. Other than that my day is spent in my house. Today I have washed a load of clothes, folded a load (that I left in the dryer) and now I will fold the load I washed. I might get into the spare bedroom to start cleaning. (notice I said Might)
We are getting Olga again this summer. (That may surprise you but Maggie and David are sure we can handle it, so she will come again.) If you don't know Olga .....she is Maggie's Belarusian summer sister. She is 11 years old and this will be her 3rd year here. She will be here for 6 weeks starting June 14. I am sure that will be an adventure. Don't know what she will think about me and my condition. I guess we shall see.
On a good note, I no longer have to shave my legs....just figured that out today. (Yay)
On a better note, my short term disability policy has been checked and my paperwork will be completed shortly and that will be a good thing cause I was getting a little concern about financial things. I actually put one hand in the air to praise the Lord when I was on the phone with the lady cause she made me so happy.
God is working and He is providing and will continue to provide.
That's all for now. told you it was random.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!!
We are getting Olga again this summer. (That may surprise you but Maggie and David are sure we can handle it, so she will come again.) If you don't know Olga .....she is Maggie's Belarusian summer sister. She is 11 years old and this will be her 3rd year here. She will be here for 6 weeks starting June 14. I am sure that will be an adventure. Don't know what she will think about me and my condition. I guess we shall see.
On a good note, I no longer have to shave my legs....just figured that out today. (Yay)
On a better note, my short term disability policy has been checked and my paperwork will be completed shortly and that will be a good thing cause I was getting a little concern about financial things. I actually put one hand in the air to praise the Lord when I was on the phone with the lady cause she made me so happy.
God is working and He is providing and will continue to provide.
That's all for now. told you it was random.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Rollercoasters of Life
Can I be honest and tell you that my life is a roller coaster of emotions? It is! Sometimes I feel so confident and assured that everything is gonna be o.k. That all this stuff is gonna work out. Chemo will continue, I'll go into remission, life will be normal again, and God is Good. Other times I think ....I don't know how this is gonna work out. Chemo will continue the rest of my life and I'll never eat good food again and life will never be normal.
Sometimes I feel that God will give me years more to live and other times I just don't know. I pray and pray and Yes sometimes I ask for that Billboard .....saying God just please tell me what to expect. Sometimes I plead, sometimes I am angry, sometimes I question. Oh, How I feel like Moses sometimes, like David, and others in the Bible. I am glad there are examples of His servants having Heart to Heart conversations with Him. Even angry conversations with Him because it gives me hope, encouragement that it is o.k. for me to do the same. Oh How I Love God. I know I will never understand His ways and He probably is not going to reveal all to me. (Or maybe He has and I am too blind to see). I know He comes into my thought frequently during the day and I always praise Him when He comes. Even when I am upset with Him I open my thoughts with Praise. I don't know what He has planned. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how much time I have or the quality of life I will have. To be Honest, At times this warrior is scared. The Voice of Truth verse ....Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone. Surrounded by the sound of a thousands warriors....SHAKING IN THEIR ARMOUR (that's ME) with just a sling and a stone. And then the giant calls out my name and he laughs at me reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed.......
You know just writing the above is giving me peace. I don't know why that song came into my life with the JAM kids years ago but I know My God has placed so many things in my path that continue to bless and support me. To have a song that I have known and LOVED for at least 5 years still mean so much to me in different times of my life is a GOD THING. My cancer is the giant, it is the water in the first verse and it does call out to me and laughs at me...it makes me doubt my God and I need to remember to listen to the VOICE OF TRUTH! The Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID. THIS IS FOR HIS GLORY......Out of all the voices calling out to me I AM TO LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF TRUTH. (Get that in your Head ....Tammy)
If you haven't figured out my blog yet ..it's as much for me as it is for others. And I know I have people all the times telling me what a blessing it is to them. I thank God it is a blessing to others ...I feel it is a calling but as much as it blesses others.....God is using my writing to help me reconcile feelings within myself. So I am blessed that you are blessed reading this.
But this morning......while I am writing God is working with my very soul and reassuring me that He is in control. Yes, I am writing this in tears and I working thru emotional things. I truly hope it helps you in your journey as much as it helps me. I love MY GOD and He loves ME! I think you can see this thru everything I write.
He prepared me for all this years ago. The scripture is alive and true. My presence at WMBC. Discipleship studies, BSF, music, life circumstances, and my dream was all preparation for "such a time as this" and when I really doubt what God is doing in all of this I just have to remember......it wasn't by chance that my diagnosis happened. God prepared me for it. There's a work to do in....and I have to do it.
My scripture this morning.....I gotta remember this:
We live by faith, not by sight
2Co 5:7
I want concrete answers but God is not giving them to me! He want me to grow and trust in Him and Live by faith so that His Glory shines even BRIGHTER. I am listening God. Don't Give up on ME! You stubborn child is listening. (yes, even my mom will tell you I am stubborn. )
Thanks for hanging in there with me this time. I needed this!
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Tammy We live by faith, not by sight
Sometimes I feel that God will give me years more to live and other times I just don't know. I pray and pray and Yes sometimes I ask for that Billboard .....saying God just please tell me what to expect. Sometimes I plead, sometimes I am angry, sometimes I question. Oh, How I feel like Moses sometimes, like David, and others in the Bible. I am glad there are examples of His servants having Heart to Heart conversations with Him. Even angry conversations with Him because it gives me hope, encouragement that it is o.k. for me to do the same. Oh How I Love God. I know I will never understand His ways and He probably is not going to reveal all to me. (Or maybe He has and I am too blind to see). I know He comes into my thought frequently during the day and I always praise Him when He comes. Even when I am upset with Him I open my thoughts with Praise. I don't know what He has planned. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how much time I have or the quality of life I will have. To be Honest, At times this warrior is scared. The Voice of Truth verse ....Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone. Surrounded by the sound of a thousands warriors....SHAKING IN THEIR ARMOUR (that's ME) with just a sling and a stone. And then the giant calls out my name and he laughs at me reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed.......
You know just writing the above is giving me peace. I don't know why that song came into my life with the JAM kids years ago but I know My God has placed so many things in my path that continue to bless and support me. To have a song that I have known and LOVED for at least 5 years still mean so much to me in different times of my life is a GOD THING. My cancer is the giant, it is the water in the first verse and it does call out to me and laughs at me...it makes me doubt my God and I need to remember to listen to the VOICE OF TRUTH! The Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID. THIS IS FOR HIS GLORY......Out of all the voices calling out to me I AM TO LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF TRUTH. (Get that in your Head ....Tammy)
If you haven't figured out my blog yet ..it's as much for me as it is for others. And I know I have people all the times telling me what a blessing it is to them. I thank God it is a blessing to others ...I feel it is a calling but as much as it blesses others.....God is using my writing to help me reconcile feelings within myself. So I am blessed that you are blessed reading this.
But this morning......while I am writing God is working with my very soul and reassuring me that He is in control. Yes, I am writing this in tears and I working thru emotional things. I truly hope it helps you in your journey as much as it helps me. I love MY GOD and He loves ME! I think you can see this thru everything I write.
He prepared me for all this years ago. The scripture is alive and true. My presence at WMBC. Discipleship studies, BSF, music, life circumstances, and my dream was all preparation for "such a time as this" and when I really doubt what God is doing in all of this I just have to remember......it wasn't by chance that my diagnosis happened. God prepared me for it. There's a work to do in....and I have to do it.
My scripture this morning.....I gotta remember this:
We live by faith, not by sight
2Co 5:7
I want concrete answers but God is not giving them to me! He want me to grow and trust in Him and Live by faith so that His Glory shines even BRIGHTER. I am listening God. Don't Give up on ME! You stubborn child is listening. (yes, even my mom will tell you I am stubborn. )
Thanks for hanging in there with me this time. I needed this!
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Tammy We live by faith, not by sight
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Another Sunday
I still love Sundays. I got to spend time in church today. Church is one of my favorite places to be. Thank you God for allowing me to the strength to go both morning and night. Sometimes it doesn't feel the same. I still sing the same songs, hear the same words, see the same people but its not the same. God is there and He meets me everywhere so I am not looking something special in my time there but I don't know. Sometimes there is a difference. Maybe its a perspective of the outside looking in. Not singing in the choir takes me out of the loop music wise. Yes, I am singing as hard as I can from my seat but I miss the involvement. I miss getting there at 4:30 to practice for choir. Most Sundays, I am sitting right here at the house wishing I had the strength to be there. But I know my limitations and I know My God is with me and He will allow me to do the things I need to do.
I thank God for His Amazing Love. I did pull up our Brooklyn tabernacle recording this afternoon to listen to Amazing LOVE. We recorded this song with the brooklyn choir when we went to the conference this fall. Maybe I'll see if I can post it somehow to my blog. That song gave me strength when I felt down this afternoon. God is full of Amazing Love. The name of Jesus is Amazing LOVE.
Nope, my life not all sunshine and sometimes I cry.....but God's love continues to shine through. Thank you Jesus for your love, Thank you God for your Son, and Thank you spirit for guiding love.
Love you all and gonna try to go to sleep shortly. Making myself stay up till at least 9pm tonight. Last night I went to sleep at 7pm and was up at 4am. ....yes I got my sleep but no, I didn't especially want to be up at 4am when the rest of the house was quiet.
Love You All
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP.
Tammy
I thank God for His Amazing Love. I did pull up our Brooklyn tabernacle recording this afternoon to listen to Amazing LOVE. We recorded this song with the brooklyn choir when we went to the conference this fall. Maybe I'll see if I can post it somehow to my blog. That song gave me strength when I felt down this afternoon. God is full of Amazing Love. The name of Jesus is Amazing LOVE.
Nope, my life not all sunshine and sometimes I cry.....but God's love continues to shine through. Thank you Jesus for your love, Thank you God for your Son, and Thank you spirit for guiding love.
Love you all and gonna try to go to sleep shortly. Making myself stay up till at least 9pm tonight. Last night I went to sleep at 7pm and was up at 4am. ....yes I got my sleep but no, I didn't especially want to be up at 4am when the rest of the house was quiet.
Love You All
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP.
Tammy
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Good Night
Good Night my Sweet Jesus,
Everyday you hold my hand,
Everyday you see my tears,
Everyday you hear my cries,
Everyday you calm my fears,
Everyday I'm filled with praise,
Everyday I say your name,
Everyday I'm more amazed,
At the mention of your name.
In the morning, when I rise,
Jesus, Jesus by my side,
And in the evening when I lay,
Jesus, Jesus is my guide.
Off to dreams, or to sleepy lands
Never let me leave your hands
Jesus, Jesus, you have your plans,
In you I trust, In you I stand.
Good Night my Father, Son and Spirit, Thank you for a good day to live for you. Help me to see the good in each day. Thank you for the strength you give me each and every day. Help me to keep my EYES on you and when my focus starts to strays Help me Dear Lord point them back your way. God I love you and trust you so. Thank you for all the blessings that flow. God, you are AWESOME!
Feeling a little poetic tonight. Not necessary good at it but this is how the words are flowing tonight. Love you all!
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Tammy
Everyday you hold my hand,
Everyday you see my tears,
Everyday you hear my cries,
Everyday you calm my fears,
Everyday I'm filled with praise,
Everyday I say your name,
Everyday I'm more amazed,
At the mention of your name.
In the morning, when I rise,
Jesus, Jesus by my side,
And in the evening when I lay,
Jesus, Jesus is my guide.
Off to dreams, or to sleepy lands
Never let me leave your hands
Jesus, Jesus, you have your plans,
In you I trust, In you I stand.
Good Night my Father, Son and Spirit, Thank you for a good day to live for you. Help me to see the good in each day. Thank you for the strength you give me each and every day. Help me to keep my EYES on you and when my focus starts to strays Help me Dear Lord point them back your way. God I love you and trust you so. Thank you for all the blessings that flow. God, you are AWESOME!
Feeling a little poetic tonight. Not necessary good at it but this is how the words are flowing tonight. Love you all!
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Tammy
Friday, May 13, 2011
Been a while
Sorry its has been a while. The blog was down and would not let me post. So here's an update.
Chemo will continue as is every other week with the same chemo drugs. I do not know when I will have a scan although we suggested that we wanted one. My blood work still looks o.k. My markers came down again and there was mention that since I was tolerating chemo as well as I was that we might go back up on the amount I am getting (YUCK). I don't know yet if that will happen. We did ask about the drain in my side and the doctor has referred me to Duke and said I could call them and get them to check to see if I still need it or not. (I am a little not sure of this just yet). I probably just keep on like I am going for now.
I still don't know what tomorrow brings and am trusting God for each day. It's hard sometimes when you think to the future and you don't know how much of the future includes you. I pray daily and ask God for HIS Will to be done and I am trusting that it Will BE DONE.
I do wish I could eat more stuff than I do. Right now Maggie and David are chowing of popcorn. The salt in it would make me crazy. Guess I'll get up and get me some applesauce. (what a difference Huh?)
Continue to pray for my appetite and for good nights of sleep. Sometimes it is sporadic and a little unnerving not to be able to sleep.
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Tammy
Chemo will continue as is every other week with the same chemo drugs. I do not know when I will have a scan although we suggested that we wanted one. My blood work still looks o.k. My markers came down again and there was mention that since I was tolerating chemo as well as I was that we might go back up on the amount I am getting (YUCK). I don't know yet if that will happen. We did ask about the drain in my side and the doctor has referred me to Duke and said I could call them and get them to check to see if I still need it or not. (I am a little not sure of this just yet). I probably just keep on like I am going for now.
I still don't know what tomorrow brings and am trusting God for each day. It's hard sometimes when you think to the future and you don't know how much of the future includes you. I pray daily and ask God for HIS Will to be done and I am trusting that it Will BE DONE.
I do wish I could eat more stuff than I do. Right now Maggie and David are chowing of popcorn. The salt in it would make me crazy. Guess I'll get up and get me some applesauce. (what a difference Huh?)
Continue to pray for my appetite and for good nights of sleep. Sometimes it is sporadic and a little unnerving not to be able to sleep.
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Tammy
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
So Far....so good
Home from chemo today and so far everything is going well. YAY!. I literally am one of the first to arrive and I am usually the last to leave because of all the meds that I have to get. My day is made better by all the text messages and visitors that I get all day long. Thanks to all my hospital peeps that come and check on me while I am there. It really makes me feel good and makes the time go by so much faster. My mom and David are always there and I even had a couple from church come by and check on me. Thanks to Debbie, Renee', Charles, Ross, Caroline, and Mr. and Mrs. Ahlquist for dropping by and talking with me and also thank to all my texting friends your prayers and scriptures brighten my day also. I have my Bible right by my side to look them all up and they give me strength. So thanks Tonia, Nona, Kristy, Misty, Kathy, Tammy and Karen for the texts they make me smile. It all makes for a better day! So thanks.....and then let's not forget the facebook wishes and prayers. I don't have facebook on my phone so I get to check it when I get home and that makes me feel good all over again. Thanks, thanks and thanks....I know God doesn't have time to forget my name (as if He would anyway) I think with all the prayers going up in my behalf He hears a steady buzz and I like that. He's listening, and He's working His will just the way He wants to. So with all that said......
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you all
Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you all
Tammy
Weepy days
Yesterday was a day that I cried quite a bit. I don't know why. Maybe it was knowing today was coming and the anticipation of possibly finding out what is going on. I was originally set up for 4 treatments and this is the 4th. So I am hoping to find out what's next and possibly get a scan done so that I can determine if things are shrinking or not. It's easy some days to get upset because I wanna be normal again. I wanna wait with my daughter at the road for the bus to come in the car as I prepare to go to work. I wanna eat whatever I want to eat and not worry about whether it tastes good or not because I know it tastes good. I wanna walk where ever I wanna go and not get tired. For the most part I got thru it. Thanks to David sitting and talking with me and giving me a hug when I needed it. And finally after having a little talk with the man upstairs and a heart to heart with myself and I got over it. I decided I could sit and be sorry for myself or I could do something so I washed a load of clothes and then vacuumed the living room. That brought me out of the funk I was in. See I try to stay positive but I am not always positive. I cry out to God in those times though and He meets me there. Sometimes it takes a couple of times for Him to get me chilled back out but He always meets me there. Please pray for me today as I get chemo. The last time I received it I was the sickest I had been with nausea. I have medicine this time that I didn't last time so hopefully I will stop it before it starts. Pray for the next steps that I am fixing to embark on and Pray for peace in every part of this journey.
Love you All
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Love you All
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
Holidays are taking on a little different meaning to me this year. The significance of each day actually everyday has a little extra meaning. Every day that we breathe is a gift from God and in the daily hustle its easy to forget that. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Even with my diagnosis and the uncertainty of the future, I am not guaranteed tomorrow since anything can happen at any time. I think of people that die in car accidents suddenly. Just yesterday in the news I heard of a father shot and killed himself and his innocent daughter. There's a mother in that story that's missing a child today....on mother's day. With the uncertainty of life it is necessary to remember the importance of each day. To make sure that the people you love, know that you love them. I was blessed today to spend time with family. Alot of my family. We had lunch at my mom's house. Both my mom's sister's and their husbands were there. My uncle and aunt from Alabama came down. I had cousins and their kids present and my sister in laws, niece and my younger brother. What a blessing to be able to see and spend time with them. God is so Good!!!!It was a peaceful afternoon spent in the company of people I love the most. After we left my mom's we stopped by David's moms and while we were there my brother in law and his family stopped in so we had all the Wrights in the HOUSE! That was wonderful too. Nobody was in a rush to get anywhere and we got to spend a little time talking with them. What a perfect day! The way a holiday or special day should be. Now I am at home with two of my most favorite people. My David and My Maggie......yes we are all just chilling, watching tv and playing on computers but we are together and that is a great gift for me. This holiday started out with me being a little sad.....cause if I let it in the midst of other things affecting my life.....it could have been depressing. But when I stop to think about it in light of the uncertainty of life anyway. I left the sadness behind and found the happiness in the day. You see only God knows the certain things in life and since I don't there's no need to worry ......its in His hands. So no more sadness....Only smiles now! .....Yes that took a little thought and prayers to change my attitude but that's what prayers and thinking about God will do....take sadness and change it to gladness.
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Encouragement from Above
This is exactly what I needed this morning......it came in an email from Dr. David Jeremiah. I keep worrying about the future and what might be and even pray asking God to help me deal with the doubts and fears and last night I went back and read my dream. God was there to fight for me. I did nothing but stand still and praise Him and He was the one that drove the danger away.....so to get this email this morning is reassurance that I just need to do exactly what the verse below says:
Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today... The LORD will fight for you....
Exodus 14:13-14a
and here's the rest of the email:
Who can imagine the terror that gripped the families of Israel in Exodus 14? The joy of their emancipation was overwhelmed by sudden crisis. Before them was the Red Sea; behind them was the flash of Pharaoh's swords. With no way out, they seemed to be facing annihilation. Yet the Lord said, "Don't be afraid. See what I will do. Stand still and watch while I fight for you." As Moses raised his rod over the waters, the winds of heaven blew and the sea parted before them.
God can make a way where there seems to be no way. Isaiah 43:19b (KJV) says, "I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." The apostle Paul promised God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability but will with the temptation make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you're facing a challenging problem, don't be afraid. Stand still and see what God will do. He will make a way.
God will make a way for me....He is fighting for me! Lord, help me to remember that on a daily basis.
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today... The LORD will fight for you....
Exodus 14:13-14a
and here's the rest of the email:
Who can imagine the terror that gripped the families of Israel in Exodus 14? The joy of their emancipation was overwhelmed by sudden crisis. Before them was the Red Sea; behind them was the flash of Pharaoh's swords. With no way out, they seemed to be facing annihilation. Yet the Lord said, "Don't be afraid. See what I will do. Stand still and watch while I fight for you." As Moses raised his rod over the waters, the winds of heaven blew and the sea parted before them.
God can make a way where there seems to be no way. Isaiah 43:19b (KJV) says, "I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." The apostle Paul promised God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability but will with the temptation make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you're facing a challenging problem, don't be afraid. Stand still and see what God will do. He will make a way.
God will make a way for me....He is fighting for me! Lord, help me to remember that on a daily basis.
Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
A prayer
Dear Father in Heaven,
I don't know why but I feel the need to come to you in prayer in written form. You put this on my heart 2 days ago but I did not do it but this morning it is pressing again so it must be something I need to do if I am to be obedient to you. You have taughtme alot about obedience over the years and I know that if I am not obedient I miss out on blessings .....so here you go God...my written prayer. Don't know where it will lead, how long it will be or what I will say but I have a thought that you are gonna lead this somewhere.
God you know I love you, I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You are my Awesome God and I love you more and more each day. Even with the circumstances in my life, I have not felt any bitterness toward you for the things that are happening. I guess that comes from past experiences in your service and knowing no matter how bad things are that you are there and you will get me thru them according to Your Holy Will. I can not imagine how people face their problems without you in their life. I know I would be a whole different person without you. I guess my only regret in life is the years I spent away from you. I grew up in church and until I finished college and got married I stayed there. During those first years as a married couple David and I did not settle on a church so for approx 10 years I drop out of you service. Oh what I could have accomplished for you in 10 years. But you know in a way, I know that was part of your plan also. The christian I was when I quit going to church on a regular basis and the one I am now are two very different people. God, you knew when the timing was right and you led me back to church thru my child. I knew my child needed to be in church and if she needed church, her mom did too. So you put me in a church where I could grow. And grow I have, God I am so happy to be where you have me today, that you did not give up on me but you have led me and fed me and even disciplined me into the person I am now. I know you are not finished, as I am still a work in progress but I am willing still to be molded and shaped into the vessel you need me to be. God, You are Awesome and I love you So MUCH!
Today is to be a National Day of Prayer and God I plan to spend the day in prayer. A prayer in my heart, spoken prayer and even written prayer. Thank you for the gift of prayer.
Thank you God for being you, Thank you for your awesomeness. You are creator, deliverer, alpha and omega, high tower, healer, king of kings, lord of lords, Almighty, unimaginable and my love. Thank you for all you have given me, for providing for my needs, for loving me, for walking beside me and holding my hand, for lifting me up when I need a lift, for whispering in my ear when I need encouragement. For speaking PEACE to my soul. Thank you for friends, family, and all the wonderful people you have brought into my life. Thank you for your SON. Oh how I love the name of Jesus! Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, for dying on the cross for me that I might have everlasting life. Thank you for your example on earth that we read of in the Bible. It makes it so much easier to know that you relate to our earthly struggles because you had those of your own so you know it's not easy down here and you understand. Thank you Jesus - for YOU! How very hard for God to lay down His only son for a sinner like me but He did and then Jesus - you went willingly. OHHHHHHHH Thank you. And thank you for the Holy Spirit that resides within us all if we allow Him. The Holy Spirit speaks to you from within telling you what the Father wants you to hear and revealing his will and ways to you. Thank you God for the spirit. Oh Father, How you have blessed us all with the gift of yourself, your son and your spirit. You are awesome and you are God! I love you more and more each day. Thank you for choosing me as a child of God. For using me in your service and I pray that I will not let you down in any way. I am not worthy but you are in control and have a master plan and if I am a part of it please feel free to use me to accomplish your will on earth as it is in Heaven. I love you God and am proud to be your willing servant.
Love you Father, Love you Son and Love you Holy Spirit
Your Daughter ........Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up! God is Good and if you are willing, he will use you in ways you can never even imagine. It might not be a way of your choosing.....I am a good example of that but He will use you and You will be blessed because of it.
Thank YOU Lord for your blessings on me
I don't know why but I feel the need to come to you in prayer in written form. You put this on my heart 2 days ago but I did not do it but this morning it is pressing again so it must be something I need to do if I am to be obedient to you. You have taughtme alot about obedience over the years and I know that if I am not obedient I miss out on blessings .....so here you go God...my written prayer. Don't know where it will lead, how long it will be or what I will say but I have a thought that you are gonna lead this somewhere.
God you know I love you, I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You are my Awesome God and I love you more and more each day. Even with the circumstances in my life, I have not felt any bitterness toward you for the things that are happening. I guess that comes from past experiences in your service and knowing no matter how bad things are that you are there and you will get me thru them according to Your Holy Will. I can not imagine how people face their problems without you in their life. I know I would be a whole different person without you. I guess my only regret in life is the years I spent away from you. I grew up in church and until I finished college and got married I stayed there. During those first years as a married couple David and I did not settle on a church so for approx 10 years I drop out of you service. Oh what I could have accomplished for you in 10 years. But you know in a way, I know that was part of your plan also. The christian I was when I quit going to church on a regular basis and the one I am now are two very different people. God, you knew when the timing was right and you led me back to church thru my child. I knew my child needed to be in church and if she needed church, her mom did too. So you put me in a church where I could grow. And grow I have, God I am so happy to be where you have me today, that you did not give up on me but you have led me and fed me and even disciplined me into the person I am now. I know you are not finished, as I am still a work in progress but I am willing still to be molded and shaped into the vessel you need me to be. God, You are Awesome and I love you So MUCH!
Today is to be a National Day of Prayer and God I plan to spend the day in prayer. A prayer in my heart, spoken prayer and even written prayer. Thank you for the gift of prayer.
Thank you God for being you, Thank you for your awesomeness. You are creator, deliverer, alpha and omega, high tower, healer, king of kings, lord of lords, Almighty, unimaginable and my love. Thank you for all you have given me, for providing for my needs, for loving me, for walking beside me and holding my hand, for lifting me up when I need a lift, for whispering in my ear when I need encouragement. For speaking PEACE to my soul. Thank you for friends, family, and all the wonderful people you have brought into my life. Thank you for your SON. Oh how I love the name of Jesus! Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, for dying on the cross for me that I might have everlasting life. Thank you for your example on earth that we read of in the Bible. It makes it so much easier to know that you relate to our earthly struggles because you had those of your own so you know it's not easy down here and you understand. Thank you Jesus - for YOU! How very hard for God to lay down His only son for a sinner like me but He did and then Jesus - you went willingly. OHHHHHHHH Thank you. And thank you for the Holy Spirit that resides within us all if we allow Him. The Holy Spirit speaks to you from within telling you what the Father wants you to hear and revealing his will and ways to you. Thank you God for the spirit. Oh Father, How you have blessed us all with the gift of yourself, your son and your spirit. You are awesome and you are God! I love you more and more each day. Thank you for choosing me as a child of God. For using me in your service and I pray that I will not let you down in any way. I am not worthy but you are in control and have a master plan and if I am a part of it please feel free to use me to accomplish your will on earth as it is in Heaven. I love you God and am proud to be your willing servant.
Love you Father, Love you Son and Love you Holy Spirit
Your Daughter ........Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up! God is Good and if you are willing, he will use you in ways you can never even imagine. It might not be a way of your choosing.....I am a good example of that but He will use you and You will be blessed because of it.
Thank YOU Lord for your blessings on me
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Ants in my Pants
To say I am anxious is an understatement. As I mentioned yesterday, I think that soon I will know what my next steps will be when it comes to my treatment. It is driving me a little crazy.....well alot crazy. So far it has been a good week health wise and I made it to church tonight. YAY ME! I felt like I could make it and I did. And I can't help but think when I went it was for a reason and it was. Our lesson was from Acts, and the man healed after 40 years of being a crippled. What an awesome story of God's power and His work. The miracle of the healing was wonderful for the man but the blessing and praises that ensued from all the others that witnessed it was the more amazing part. All the people praised the LORD when they saw what had happen and it gathered a crowd. Pastor Billie mentioned the blessings in our life and do we let them show so that others can be blessed by our blessings. If we short our self a blessing we may be shorting someone else the witness of our blessing.
Thru all that I am going thru and the uncertainty of my future, I know that the process is a blessing. Yes, a blessing. God for some reason chose me to carry this burden and to share it with others and that is what I am doing thru this blog and the testimony I give to others when I have the opportunity. If God has blessed me ....I wanna tell it. If God has blessed you ......you should tell it. It may bless someone else and you know what else ....it helps others to see that God is REAL. I so many times think that people don't see God as REAL ....but He IS! He is actively working in our lives and if you see it and know it share it with someone so that can feel it, see it and know it too.
So HOW HAS GOD BLESSED YOU TODAY? something to think about huh? And if He blessed you did you thank HIM and then tell someone about it.
He woke me up this morning, He gave me strength to go into work to help really quickly for a survey, He gave me strength for my mom and myself to go shop a little and then He gave me strength to get to church. My appetite has been good the past couple of days and I feel rested. (My eyes are getting heavy right now though). God is blessing and He still provides me with peace. So now there's a blessing that I needed to remember and it just came in writing the Blog. PEACE.....God gives me peace that will calm that anxiety down huh.....peace, peace wonderful peace. What a wonderful God! A peaceful full of blessings God. LOVE YOU GOD, LOVE YOU JESUS, AND LOVE YOU HOLY SPIRIT. YOU ARE AWESOME AS ALWAYS.
KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP
LOVE YOU ALL TAMMY
Thru all that I am going thru and the uncertainty of my future, I know that the process is a blessing. Yes, a blessing. God for some reason chose me to carry this burden and to share it with others and that is what I am doing thru this blog and the testimony I give to others when I have the opportunity. If God has blessed me ....I wanna tell it. If God has blessed you ......you should tell it. It may bless someone else and you know what else ....it helps others to see that God is REAL. I so many times think that people don't see God as REAL ....but He IS! He is actively working in our lives and if you see it and know it share it with someone so that can feel it, see it and know it too.
So HOW HAS GOD BLESSED YOU TODAY? something to think about huh? And if He blessed you did you thank HIM and then tell someone about it.
He woke me up this morning, He gave me strength to go into work to help really quickly for a survey, He gave me strength for my mom and myself to go shop a little and then He gave me strength to get to church. My appetite has been good the past couple of days and I feel rested. (My eyes are getting heavy right now though). God is blessing and He still provides me with peace. So now there's a blessing that I needed to remember and it just came in writing the Blog. PEACE.....God gives me peace that will calm that anxiety down huh.....peace, peace wonderful peace. What a wonderful God! A peaceful full of blessings God. LOVE YOU GOD, LOVE YOU JESUS, AND LOVE YOU HOLY SPIRIT. YOU ARE AWESOME AS ALWAYS.
KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP
LOVE YOU ALL TAMMY
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Chemo and food
Never in my life has food been so important to me. Strange huh? I have spent most of my life wanting to lose weight and counting calories. Now I am trying to figure out what I want to eat and making sure I get enough food in me for strength. Strange huh? Chemo changes the taste buds alot and I mean alot. No potato chips for me, no french fries, nothing salty is good. Even a hamburger - i make myself eat. The really good stuff is sweet and creamy. And drinks........when I first get chemo it can't be cold because of the meds. About a week out I can revert back to cold again. So what do I like now. Applesauce, Apple juice (not the non sweetened kind mind you). KOOL-Aid (cherry), Mt. Dew, chocolate milk, and sometimes gatorade. (got a little burned out on it at first till I figured out what I would drink). As far as food, really other than applesauce, I make myself eat. I did get me some grapes and they were good. Smfd Chicken n BBQ's potato salad still rocks. And the ribs at KickBack Jacks in Garner. I can eat a 1/2 rack of those but that's all. Everything else is either not good or I eat it just to eat. I did buy myself some pasta salad in the deli to try along with potato salads since the creamy things work best. So far my weight isn't dropping too quickly. Ensure provides me with added nutrients and I feel like I am getting the right amount of food in. So pray God blesses the food I do eat, helps me find more things to eat. That I get the strength I need from what I do intake.
And for everyone bringing food, my family really appreciates it. Depending on what it is I partake too. I won't tell you I eat every meal because that would not be true but I usually get me a small portion just to see if I like it and if I do I get more. Thanks to everyone bringing food.....it is appreciated.
and as an update. I hope to find out my next steps when I receive chemo next Tuesday. They originally set me up on 4 treatments. I suspect scans will follow and then next steps will be mapped out. I'll keep you posted. I am a little ready to know myself. If the spots have shrunk or not. I do know my back pain and abdominal pain that took me to seek help have gone so that is a good sign at least pain wise. That part is working well. Keep praying for healing or more specifically God's will!!!!!!!
Keep Praying and Keep Looking up!
Tammy
And for everyone bringing food, my family really appreciates it. Depending on what it is I partake too. I won't tell you I eat every meal because that would not be true but I usually get me a small portion just to see if I like it and if I do I get more. Thanks to everyone bringing food.....it is appreciated.
and as an update. I hope to find out my next steps when I receive chemo next Tuesday. They originally set me up on 4 treatments. I suspect scans will follow and then next steps will be mapped out. I'll keep you posted. I am a little ready to know myself. If the spots have shrunk or not. I do know my back pain and abdominal pain that took me to seek help have gone so that is a good sign at least pain wise. That part is working well. Keep praying for healing or more specifically God's will!!!!!!!
Keep Praying and Keep Looking up!
Tammy
Monday, May 2, 2011
And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Mt 10:29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny ? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows
Over the past week or two I have been noticing hair loss. Yes, a side of chemo is losing your hair. I am o.k with this and if you know me I have a lot of hair to lose before it will be all gone but I think it is happening. I am noticing more and more hair falling and to be very honest, I can run my hands thru it and come out with fingers full without effort. Don't know if it will all come out or not but we shall see.
I have already been playing with scarves, have had some head coverings made for me and thought about a wig (......me a wig). Don't know at this point how much will hair will hang on and how much will go but I'll let you. This thought originally bothered me not so much for myself but for my daughter but she even seems to be coming to terms with it. Which makes me happy. I have never been vain and hair grows back so there!!!!
The reason I write this this morning, is that IT WAS THE first thing in my brain this morning ......I thought I am losing my hair but PRAISE GOD -He knows that. Matt. 10 above says they are numbered because he cares for us so greatly. HOW AWESOME especially for me right now. He know every moment which one is there and now which one is gone. If he has that much concern for my details, WOW just think about the concern for the big things. HE IS AWESOME. It gives me peace this morning and reassurance.
On a lighter note, because I approached this subject with some of my Sisters in Christ at church yesterday, I got an offer of a shave. Who knows, if it gets messy I may just call my wonderful friend Karen up and let her come and do it. She makes house calls and even offered to shave her own with me ; ) Love you Karen and all my Sisters in Christ. Your support is amazing. You are all AWESOME!!! AND YES WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS - WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR.
KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!
Tammy
Over the past week or two I have been noticing hair loss. Yes, a side of chemo is losing your hair. I am o.k with this and if you know me I have a lot of hair to lose before it will be all gone but I think it is happening. I am noticing more and more hair falling and to be very honest, I can run my hands thru it and come out with fingers full without effort. Don't know if it will all come out or not but we shall see.
I have already been playing with scarves, have had some head coverings made for me and thought about a wig (......me a wig). Don't know at this point how much will hair will hang on and how much will go but I'll let you. This thought originally bothered me not so much for myself but for my daughter but she even seems to be coming to terms with it. Which makes me happy. I have never been vain and hair grows back so there!!!!
The reason I write this this morning, is that IT WAS THE first thing in my brain this morning ......I thought I am losing my hair but PRAISE GOD -He knows that. Matt. 10 above says they are numbered because he cares for us so greatly. HOW AWESOME especially for me right now. He know every moment which one is there and now which one is gone. If he has that much concern for my details, WOW just think about the concern for the big things. HE IS AWESOME. It gives me peace this morning and reassurance.
On a lighter note, because I approached this subject with some of my Sisters in Christ at church yesterday, I got an offer of a shave. Who knows, if it gets messy I may just call my wonderful friend Karen up and let her come and do it. She makes house calls and even offered to shave her own with me ; ) Love you Karen and all my Sisters in Christ. Your support is amazing. You are all AWESOME!!! AND YES WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS - WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR.
KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!
Tammy
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sleep Praises......
My sleep patterns are all messed up but its o.k. as long as I feel rested and I can catch a nap when needed. So far so good on all those accounts. So yes God is good even at 2am when I can't sleep - He is there. This morning during one of my wake rounds....usually I fall to sleep for 1 or 2 hours wake up for 1 or 2 hours then sleep. sometimes the cycles are longer for sleep sometimes longer for wake. I just never know till night fall hits. Anyway. This morning being such a morning I decided, can't sleep might as well Praise God. So I Did!
I started with God - not verbalized just in my brain. He awesomeness, majesty, love, strength, guidance, and strength. I thought of all the words I can fathom for God and fell to sleep thinking of Him. (not bad huh)
When I woke for my next section of non sleep.....I went to Jesus....what can I say - sweetest name I know. I continued on with Jesus until I went to sleep. Somewhere in there I slipt in the Holy Spirit knowing He's there the whole time and what an awesome peaceful rest it was. Yay God! Yes I am still a bit sleep and my drift off before church. I have the time but I just wanted to share some helpful hints for sleepless nights.
BTW
God woke me with this song this morning. Its an oldie but it very fitting for me right now. So out of the blue ......I share it with you. (Yes i am a poet) ; )
THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY
THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.
THE DARKER THE VALLEY THE MORE I LEARN TO PRAY.
I FOUND YOU WHERE THE LILLIES ARE BLOOMING BY THE WAY.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.
THANK YOU FOR EVERY HILL I'VE CLIMBED
FOR EVERY TIME THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE.
THANK YOU FOR EVERY LONELY NIGHT
I PRAYED UNTIL I KNEW THAT EVERY THING WAS ALRIGHT.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY
LIFE CAN'T BE ALL SUNSHINE OR THE FLOWERS WOULD DIE.
THE RIVERS WOULD BE DESERTS ALL BARREN AND DRY.
LIFE CAN'T BE ALL BLESSING FOR THERE'D BE NO NEED TO PRAY.
SO I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY
thats it.
Keep Prayiing and Keep Looking UP!
I started with God - not verbalized just in my brain. He awesomeness, majesty, love, strength, guidance, and strength. I thought of all the words I can fathom for God and fell to sleep thinking of Him. (not bad huh)
When I woke for my next section of non sleep.....I went to Jesus....what can I say - sweetest name I know. I continued on with Jesus until I went to sleep. Somewhere in there I slipt in the Holy Spirit knowing He's there the whole time and what an awesome peaceful rest it was. Yay God! Yes I am still a bit sleep and my drift off before church. I have the time but I just wanted to share some helpful hints for sleepless nights.
BTW
God woke me with this song this morning. Its an oldie but it very fitting for me right now. So out of the blue ......I share it with you. (Yes i am a poet) ; )
THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY
THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.
THE DARKER THE VALLEY THE MORE I LEARN TO PRAY.
I FOUND YOU WHERE THE LILLIES ARE BLOOMING BY THE WAY.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.
THANK YOU FOR EVERY HILL I'VE CLIMBED
FOR EVERY TIME THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE.
THANK YOU FOR EVERY LONELY NIGHT
I PRAYED UNTIL I KNEW THAT EVERY THING WAS ALRIGHT.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY
LIFE CAN'T BE ALL SUNSHINE OR THE FLOWERS WOULD DIE.
THE RIVERS WOULD BE DESERTS ALL BARREN AND DRY.
LIFE CAN'T BE ALL BLESSING FOR THERE'D BE NO NEED TO PRAY.
SO I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY
thats it.
Keep Prayiing and Keep Looking UP!
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