Wow.. Alot has changed in computer land

Well, it looks like they have changed my blogger site.  Wow!  Don't know when that happened but perhaps within the last month.  So far, it's o.k.  We shall see. 

Well this summer is going by fast.  Maggie had church camp last week and had a ball.  I finished up 28 rounds of radiation and now I am getting a 3 day boaster.  So radiation for me Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Yes, I had it today.  (YUCK)  I still hadn't gotten over the pain it had stirred up and then had about a 2 week break from it and now back again but at least only 3 days worth.  I immediately got sick on my way home.  Poor Maggie!  I had to pull over off the road and take care of business.  I wasn't able to eat most of the day.  Maggie had 2 of her friends over today and she had planned this and bless her heart, she was asking did she need to call them and tell them not to come.  I told her no, let them come, this should pass.  Well I made it through the day.  I got sick a time or two more but the girls don't know that.  Maggie had a good time and she wasn't worried about me.  Libby and Julia are wonderful kids and they are very much at home in our home.  They know where the cups are, where the ice is and they know they can help themselves to anything.  Low maintenance kids - Yay!  and for the most part they get along well the 3 of them.  I love the house when it is full of these girls  This is the one thing I have missed since last year.  I don't think we have had as many of those types of days.  I had plans to make a fun cake yesterday but because I felt so bad I didn't do it.  I thought the girls would like it.  You put pop rocks in the frosting.   One more thing about these two girls, they go to church with us and I think the world of them along with several other kids at our church.  We have great kids there.  I also think the world of their grandparents.  They are God fearing and God following people.  Both are excellent teachers and I am glad to know them and have them be a part of my life.  And not to leave their mom out, she is pretty cool herself.  So cool in fact that we absolutely have to park beside each other at church.  It is a must and our girls think so too.  And for the last thing about them.  Every Sunday in church we have a meet and greet your neighbor where everyone goes around and shakes hands with those around them.  Well at that point in the service, I am usually in the choir loft, so I shake hands with those in the choir.  My daughter always comes up to give me a hug and Miss Julia does too.  That makes me happy.  I look forward to those hugs.  She just doesn't know how it makes my heart smile by that simple act. 

Since I am on simple acts I will also tell you that there are a few more simple acts that every now and then I get wind of that put a smile in my heart.  Yes, they usually involve kids.  I had another friend today tell me that her daughter Emma prays for me every time she prays at breakfast, lunch, and supper.  How sweet is that?  I have also been told of other children that pray for me on a regular basis.  I know God hears those prayers so in return I pray for these children.  I pray that God will bless them, keep them safe, surround them with love, guide their feet and keep them from harm.  I pray His Will for their life and I pray that they will always acknowledge his presence and know that He is there for them even if they mess up at times.  What a great group of children!  They love God  and let his love show through them. 

Well, since it is 130 in the morning I might try to get some sleep again.  Radiation later this morning.  - yuck.  But I will say the crew working in there is GREAT!  I don't know all their names but thanks Shawn, Paula Sue, Nicole, Beth and others that have made receiving these treatments happy times.  Dr. Scarantino is my doctor over there and he is wonderful.  Great bedside manner and he treats me like a person, not a patient.  Hats off to the Radiation Center! 

And just in case I don't get on here before them.  I am heading to Alabama with Maggie, my mom, and my nephew in a couple of weeks.  I can't wait.  I am so looking forward to it.  It is always fun there.  No stress and I can just chill as needed.  We are going to see my Aunt and Uncle in Alabama!  YAY!!!  Love It!!!

I'm done, really I am.  Keep Praying everyone and Keep Looking Up!!!!

Tammy

It's been a long while! Sorry

Well, it has been a long time since I posted.  Guess I was too busy living to sit and write a post.  So let me update everyone on what is going on.  I started radiation 2 weeks ago.  I have had 12 treatments and I am scheduled to have 28 of them.  I wish I could say that I am cruising right through this treatment but in fact it is zapping my energy.....a lot.  My stomach has also begun to be sore from the treatment and can be very uncomfortable at times.  With that said Tylenol has become my friend.  How did I end up on radiation you might ask.... well I had been on chemo for over a year.  My tumor markers had dropped to the double digits and then started slowly climbing up.  They never got out of the double digits while we were checking but the doctor decided that it would be a good time to get another MRI.  That was done followed by a PET scan.  The PET scan scared me a little because I was a little afraid something new would show up but nothing did.  Praise the LORD!!!!  Only my little pancreas still seems to be the problem.  Dr. Anderson had mentioned several times that radiation might be a possibility so off we go on this treatment.  I am still praying for healing, praying that God will lengthen my days if healing doesn't occur and you know what .... that last prayer, He is answering.  I have already known of several people with this dreaded type of cancer that have gone on to meet Jesus.  That is not a bad thing but I still have things that I want to attend to here on earth.  The biggest thing is being with my family.  Maggie will be 13 in November and I definitely wanna be here to see that.  

And while we are on Maggie, my baby girl has been in the mountains on a mission trip for a week.  She comes home tomorrow.  I can't wait.  I have missed her and I know by her phone calls home that she has missed being here.  I know that she has had fun and has been blessed.  YAY FOR MAGGIE AND YAY FOR GOD!!!

Well, that is all I have for tonight.  Please keep praying for me!  The beam of radiation has to go through other tissues/organs to get to my pancreas and thus can damage/harm them.  This is where my pain is coming from I think.  Pray that minimal damage will be done.  That the cancer will take a DIRECT hit and will be eradicated.  Pray for strength for me and minimal side effects.  I am still taking chemo just an oral version everyday.  So far my appetite is o.k. but I am losing weight again.  Who knows I may be to my high school weight before long.  WOW!!!  This is definitely not the way to lose weight.  Part of me doesn't want to lose it, I want to hang on to it because I don't know what the future will bring and if I will lose my appetite in the future.  At least with all the extra weight I had .... I had some to lose but I can stop any time now.  I still have a hard time looking at my clothes and knowing that they will fit me.  they look so small now.  What a problem huh???

I do have a praise I would like to share.  The young boy at our church that lost his leg to cancer has received his new leg.  Our church and community rallied together to raise almost 70000 dollars to buy it for him.  We are having a special service on July 1, 2012 to celebrate and give God the praise for the Great Things He Has Done!  God is so good.  Charles is still undergoing some treatment to eliminate spots in his lungs.  Continue to pray for him. 

God is Good, All The Time!!!  I know this to be perfectly true!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!!!

Tammy

Update and laughter

o.k.. so I sit here to write on my blog and with Maggie sitting across from me she made me laugh.  I was getting ready to write about the friendship of dogs but now I guess I will wait.  Let me tell you why.  It seems that while I type on my computer my facial expression changes depending on what I am typing.  If I am sad about what I am typing then my face shows it and I frown, if it is happy then I smile.  Maggie has commented before that I do this and she will say what are you doing?  So just now I was typing on Facebook when she did it again.  It went like this
Maggie:  "Mom, what are you doing?"
Me:  Why?
Maggie:  "You have that sad look again."
Me:  what?
Maggie:  "You know that look you get when you are typing something sad"
Me:  oh...then I laughed and she did too

So I shall quit typing.  (I was typing about my mom's dog and about the fact that the last time I had chemo and felt so bad that she stayed by my side that whole day as I chilled on the couch.  Dogs love you and I just think they know things are going on with us even though they can't talk or we don't thing they understand.  I think they sense our sadness or even sicknesses.  I love dogs. 

I gotta quit typing this before I get sad and my facial expression changes - haha

For a me update, I have an MRI on Tuesday.  Chemo is a week from Tuesday and then I should find out what is our next steps.  My tumor markers have started to slowly climb.  Last check they were 63.  Dr. Anderson wants to get the results of the scan and go from there.  the possibilities are :  going back to biweekly chemo, changing chem meds or possibly having a procedure.  I guess we will see.

One other thing, I spent yesterday with the Smithfield Middle School band at Busch Gardens.  What a fun and tiring day.  I prayed at the beginning of the day that God would give me the strength to manage the day and that He would chill my stomach for the day - and He did.  Some times I still have issues that I take to him and ask Him for my manna for that day.  He ALWAYS provides.  I don't know what I ever did to deserve His love for me but I am so thankful for it.  (let me quit typing this before my facial expression changes.) 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy

Time for a new post!!!

I don't even know how long it has been since I posted.  I didn't look.  let's just say that I am enjoying life at this time.  God is Good and every day I live I see that more and more.  It was almost a year ago that I worked my last day at JMC.  The actual date was April 18, 2012.  Last year at this time, I did not think I would be here to see another April.  I turn 44 on April 30th and that is a GREAT thing.  I have lived to see another birthday.  There was so much uncertainty at that time and to be honest there still is.  My tumor markers have dropped and I am no longer in the pain I was in but I still don't know the days I have here on earth.  My pancreas is stable, my liver has a spot but MORE IMPORTANTLY....GOD IS IN CONTROL.  He brings me PEACE.  Through Him my worries are gone.  He holds my future in His Hands and that is completely where I want it to be.  There are things I could worry about....my husband, my daughter, my mom, myself but I have chosen to give them all to GOD.  He see ALL, HE knows All and He will take care of it ALL.  I am sure there are things that go on that I am not even aware of or that maybe I have the slightest inkling of but God knows what I can't see, what I don't know and it is under His control.  So God - do what you need with my life!  You gave it to me and you will be the one to take it away so I am YOURS!!! 

With all that said, I have to say that I have been reading through the Bible this year and have gotten in to the book of Joshua now.  Every time Moses dies in my read through, I get a little sad.  I so relate to him.  He wasn't perfect but he was chosen.  He messed up but he made it right and God accepted that.  Now in Joshua, I am reading about this mighty man of God.  It won't be long before I will be reading about David and I can't wait.  Out of all the OT people, I think I most relate to him.  He is real to me.  He also made mistakes but he was considered to be a man after God's own heart.  Oh the encouragement that I receive reading His Word. 

That's all for now. 

Love you all! 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!  and if you are reading His Word, then start! 

Tammy

God is Good!

Good Morning!
Today is chemo day for me and I am up early.  We had our windows open in our house last night and all I can smell is smoke.  I don't know what caught fire but it is smoky outside too.  The smell is really strong and I had to close windows.  The smell is in my nose and bothering my eyes abit too.  YUCK.  I really don't have much to say today.  Nothing new going on for me.  It is spring break for Maggie so she will be home part of the time this week when she doesn't have plans.  She is a busy girl. 

This is actually one of my favorite times of the year.  Out of all the seasons this ranks in my top 4 (lol).  I do love the flowers that are blooming.  I even got outside some last week and planted some things.  Maggie asked me why I was doing this and I told her that I didn't get a chance to do it last year because I was feeling so bad then.  It was a matter that I couldn't do it then but I really wanted to do it. Thanks to my mom for helping me and for David for picking up some mulch and helping spread it out.  I now have some Knock Out rose bushes and azaleas planted.  I can't wait for the roses to start blooming. 

Another reason this is my favorite time of the year is because of EASTER.  This time of the year we remember specifically the fact that Jesus died for our sins and then rose again.  My magnet on my car says it clearly.  He Came, He Died, He Rose, He Ascended, He's Coming Back!!!!  Yes, He is! 

Love you all!!!  Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!  Feel free to pray for me today that I will eat when chemo is over.  I usually don't want to eat and then I feel worse because of not eating.  So please pray for appetite today. 

Tammy

Just Thinking!!! and saying Hi and yes...another dream!

Good Evening,

Do you ever get the feeling that there is something else you are suppose to be doing?  That you are missing the mark somehow.  I do and at this point in my life....that is where I am at.  I have over the past couple of months came to the realization that God tipped me out of the boat since I didn't climb out on my own and that giving my Praise to Him was my Job.  I have felt that this Cancer was a calling and my job was to Praise Him through The Storm and to share that with everyone.  Well, guess what.... he is now prompting my heart that ....that's not all.  That's not enought.  So once again I am wondering what else God? 

Since the fall, I have been involved in a weekly Bible study on the book of Acts and the writings of Paul.  Paul was a man of action.  I am so amazed at his witness and the boldness that he possessed.  Yes, as Saul he actively persecuted Christians but after his conversion he went "all in" in sharing the gospel of Christ.  From the stories of his conversion, to the letters he wrote to the churches encouraging them and to the consistency and passion he felt in his work for God, it leaves me convicted that I am not doing enough.  Oh to be a Paul!!!

In the last couple of weeks, I have started another Bible study on the book of James that is at the same time convicting me of the same thing.  The book of James is crammed packed full of wisdom for Christians and to me it is very much a checklist of things I should be doing and/or not doing.  I find myself reading then rereading these scripture because I can't possibly get it all the first time through. 

I am afraid at times and happy at times to say that the mirror of His Word is shining in my face as I read His Word and sometimes I don't like what I see.  That scares me, saddens me, motivates me but at the same time it makes me happy to know that I can recognize these things to work on.  It makes me certain that God is not finish with me yet.  Oh how I wish I were already complete, but I am afraid if you put a completion percentage on my life that I might not even reach 10%.  Not even a tithe of my life - ouch God that hurts - but thank you for showing me that!  I am trying and thank you for not giving up on me!

James 1:25  But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

If you don't forget to do what you heard.....wow.  Read His word, Apply His word!  These words are tugging at my heart.  There is a reason!  Pray with me that He reveals this reason. 

One more thing that may be related to the above.  I had another dream recently and I can't seem to forget it so it must be important.  God has a way of repeating things to me (maybe because I am so stubborn it takes him 3 or 4 times to get across to me).  I dreamed I was at the beach with my family.  We were not staying on the beach but across the street and actually could not see it from where we were.  As everyone else was doing other things and we were actually leaving the place I told the others that I was gonna walk to the beach and would meet them back there.  As I started walking I noted that the straight way was not the easiest way to get there.  I had to go around obstacles such as buildings or landscapes so a walk of a block took a couple of blocks to get to.  When I finally arrived at the sand my first view was a BEAUTIFUL beach with the sun setting ... I had gotten there at just the right time.  The waves were huge and the colors I can't completely describe.  As I quickly took that veiw in and started to turn my gaze, I noted that directly in front of me was a mountain of sand.  there was no viewing the beach unless I look directly through the narrow opening to my left.  How funny that I didn't notice before that it was only an opening.  I only looked through the hole at the sight on the other side and didn't even see the hole.  Kinda like looking through glasses and not seeing the frames.  Once I had a clearer picture, I realized that my journey wasn't ended and in fact if I wanted to see that again, my journey would still continue either by climbing that mountain or finding a way around it.  There was not way through the hole I originally saw.  In my dream, I started to continue my journey and then I woke up. 

After the thoughts of the last week and the James study tonight, I have started to think they are related.  My journey is not finished, there is something I have yet to do.  It is still not gonna be easy and definitely not straight forward at this point anyway.  I still hear the Isaiah scripture singing in my ear.  "Whether I go to the left or the right, a voice will be whispering, "this is my way...walk in it"  (that's the Tammy version).  God is up to something Always and I know He is calling me to be a part of it.  That was all of my dream but as I said I haven't been able to shake it out of my mind so I decided to share it.  If you have any thoughts about it, please share. 

Please know that I Love you all....thanks to those who are still reading.  Just because I feel there is something else I am to do does not mean I am giving up the blog because I still feel this is part of His plan.  I really feel that there is a reason for it and if not this year, or next year there will come a time that it will make a big difference in some one's life.  God has a way of giving us what we need when we need it.  I LOVE HIM FOR THAT!  I hope this blog is that thing for some person some day. 

For a me update:  Chemo was last Tuesday.  I felt yucky afterwards till Wednesday night mostly because I was nauseated and didn't want to eat.  The sad thing is ... is that I need to eat because that helps stop my nausea.  My markers are at 46 (yes a little, little, little elevated from the 20's but this is part of the plateau process - and if it's not - God still has THIS!!! - i SAY THAT WITH OUT A DOUBT). 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!  If you aren't reading His Word - Go ahead open it and let it Change YOU!!!!

That's all for now! 
Tammy

It's been awhile!!

Good Afternoon,

I was thinking this morning that I had not written on here in a while so here you go.  Here's what is on my mind  (scary huh)

I went to the Casting Crowns concert Friday night and really enjoyed it.  There were other artists there including Matthew West whom I like also but I have to say that out of all christian artists/groups two of Casting Crowns songs have directly impacted my life in a way that no other song has.  The two songs are The Voice of Truth and Praise You in This Storm. 

I have to tell you that Voice of Truth is my absolute favorite and it goes back a couple of years ago as to why.  My daughter Maggie learned this song at our church's daycare.  I remember her singing it and then getting a CD with that song on it.  So what is so special about this song?  Why it's the words... "Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves.... Well, they spoke so clearly to me.  See I can truly remember telling someone that I felt that song was speaking to me that at some point in my future that God was going to call me out of the boat and was gonna have to get out of it.  The 2nd verse says "Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sounds of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor wishing they had had the strength to stand."  I knew in my heart that that would happen one day too.  The chorus "and the waves/giant calling out my name and they laugh at me..reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed and the waves/giant keeps on telling me time and time again, girl you'll never win, you'll never win."  See I just knew that it would happen and guess what it has.  Yes, the giant is the Cancer and even the waves could be considered that too.  This diagnosis has changed me.  Yes, I had to get out of the boat, I have to stand and face the giant and yes at times it laughs at me but I am not listening to any of what it has to say  See the Voice of Truth tells me a different story, the Voice of Truth says do not be afraid and the Voice of Truth says this is for my glory.  Out of all the voices calling out to me I will chose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth. 

About 2 years ago in one of the mission magazines that we get monthly at church there was a picture of some missionaries that hike on the Appalachian trail in the summer and share Christ with people on the trail  There was a picture of one of them (a lady) that was sitting with her legs dangling off the side of a mountain.  I kept that picture and had it in my office at work until all of my stuff was packed up and brought home.  I still have that magazine somewhere.  That picture spoke to me because I am afraid of heights and I could look at that picture and know that at some point God was gonna call me to step out of the boat, face a giant or even dangle my feet off of an edge.  Did I think that God was gonna make me do any of the above - No but I knew that He was gonna take me out of my comfort zone and make me depend on Him.  Well, I am there now.  With my cancer all I have is dependence on Him.  Complete dependence on Him.  I would not be here today if it was not for His grace, love and mercy.  He hasn't chosen at this point to reveal a complete healing to me yet but I do strongly know that He has chosen to lengthen my days and that is how I have prayed.  I have truly prayed for complete healing, for lengthening of days but honestly all my prayers end with but not my will but thy will be done.  See He knows what is best for my life,  what is best for my family and what is best for all of us.  We try to tamper with His judgement and His work and even change it or tune Him out but we can't disrupt His plan.  I truly think that sometimes people think they can change His mind or do things for Him but His plan was in action before the creation of the world.  At the concert on Friday night, we were told that our life we are living is our present but God's history.  It was mentioned again in Sunday School this morning.  I am not afraid because I trust the Voice of Truth.  It was all I could do this morning when I sang the Voice of Truth with the choir to not say "to stand before a Lion"  I had chills prior to singing the song and was able to pull it together enough to sing it.  See God has used that song and its message in my life for years now.  Probably at least 4 or 5 years at least.  Yes, it should have long since been replaced by a new favorite song but it never has.  It is my song and will always be I suspect.  If you wanna hear it, here you go....  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y

that's all for now, although I could go on for days on this topic. 

chemoing and watching my numbers and trusting God. 

Please keep praying and keep looking up! 

Please continue to pray for Charles Humphries!  He is the 16 year old that I have requested prayer for in the past.  He has finished some of his chemo treatments and will now be having scans done in preparation for lung surgery to remove the cancer they found in his lungs.  There is also a very active group raising money to get an artificial leg for Charles that he can use for sports activities.  I will post some of that info on here this week. 

Love you all,

Tammy

Almost a year since dianosis

Good Afternoon,

I am headed to Caswell once again this weekend and I can't wait.  It is a special place to me and more so because of last year.  I literally checked out of the hospital and came home, got my clothes and went to Caswell.  I got a lot of talking to God done that weekend.  It was truly a blessing.  I came to peace with my new diagnosis sitting on a pier waiting for my dolphins to arrive in the morning.  Every year that I have been to Caswell, I have gone out to the pier as the sun was coming up and watched the dolphins that splash around the end of the pier.  they are so peaceful.  Last year I was crying as I was watching for them and all of a sudden I heard a splash and there they were.  My dolphins.  There is at least 3 or 4 probably more that pop up now and then.  I love seeing them.  they are such awesome animals created by God.  So here I am a year later.  Actually Saturday will be a year for me.  All is good.  My pancreas is stable.  There is a new spot on my liver ????????????? that we are watching and my tumor makers went slightly up to 29 this week.  God is still on top of this and I know without a doubt that His hand is right on mind.  I have peace in knowing this!!!!  It is awesome to know He loves me and cares so much for me.  I love him so too!!!  I don't know where I would be in my life right now if it wasn't for God, His son, and His spirit.  God is good!!!  Way to good for me but I will take his goodness everyday that He offers it.  So I can't wait to get down there tomorrow.  Maybe I'll have another little talk with Jesus.  Sounds like a good idea to me. 

Love you all!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!

Tammy

King Hezekiah

Now King Hezekiah was very sick, and the prophet Isaiah came to him again. At first Isaiah told the king that he would die. Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord and wept. Turning his face to the wall was like bowing down to the ground. This and his prayer and weeping were signs that he was humble before the Lord. Isaiah had not gone far, only into the middle court, or it may mean to the middle part of the city, when the Lord sent him back to tell the king that He would add fifteen years to his life

I wanted to share this story because this is part of my prayer to God.  I pray for healing but I have also prayed for God to lengthen my days.  He is answering my prayer.  I got the results from my MRI.  It shows that the pancreas part is stable but a new lesion was found on my liver.  1.1cm in size.  Please know that this does not bother me.  I know my God hears my prayers and they are being answered with out a doubt in my mind.  God is Good and His mercy endures forever!  He will do His Will in His time and in His Way! 

Just wanted to share my results with everyone.  I haven't talked with the doctor yet about this.  I will see him on Tuesday.  I went to the hospital and got a copy of my MRI report so my interpretation and his may be different.  I will keep you posted on what the Doctor says.

Love you all

Keep Looking Up!!!!

Tammy

Life

This morning as I watch the news and so much of it is on the life of Whitney Houston, I am reminded once again of the uncertainty of life.  She did not know when she checked into that hotel room that she would never physically check out.  Life is short...really it is.  Even if you are lucky enough to live to 90 and beyond it is still short.  So get the most of every day while you can.  A year ago I was given a possibly life shortening diagnosis.  That created a sense of what do I wanna get done in the time that I have.  Oh...there are places I would love to go but I don't have the money for that.  There are things I would do and things I am doing.  There are people I would like to spend more time with and some of that I am doing.  Life goes by so quickly for everyone!  The most important things are making sure you are right with God!!!  (I hope Whitney was) , letting your family know you love them and spending time with them and after that a lot of the other things are just stuff. 

So my advice (as if you asked) is to make sure you are right with God!!!!
Love your family and let them know it
and then tend to the other stuff. 

As for me, I feel I am right with God - nope, I am not perfect in fact I am a work in action.  (He's still working on me to make me what he wants me to be). 

I have an MRI today.  I will let you all know something when I do about the results.  God is Good and I fully expect His spirit will be calming me as I lie there today. 

Love you all

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!

Tammy

Dropping by to say HI

Good Saturday morning to everyone.

Nothing new to tell everyone really.  My tumor markers were at 18 this week which was up from 14 but it is normal for them to fluctuate so that isn't worrying me at all.  I will be getting an MRI on the 13th of February and we will go from there.  As for day to day life, everything is good.  I will say that if you see me now you may not know me.  I need to take a new picture to post on here so maybe some of you might know me if you see me.  I have lost around 100 pounds since last year and last week I cut my hair.  It is a very short hair cut.  I had lost a lot of hair and though I had right much on the top of my head there wasn't much you could do to style it.  I was wearing a head band everyday and the hair on my left side of my head you could see thru.  If you are wondering what you could see .... it was new hair.  Even though I am still getting chemo I had a head full of short hair growing and mixed in with all those long scraggly pieces so I went to my wonderful hair stylist, Jenny Wright and she did a GREAT JOB!  There were people at my church on Sunday that thought I was one of the new people that had recently joined the choir ; )  (and these people see me every week).  So if you see me you really may not recognize me.  So while I am on that subject, I will admit that sometimes that is a useful thing - the not being recognized part.  Yes, I am guilty of letting people pass me by that don't recognize me.  SORRY - but I would never do that to any of my blog readers ; )    I had an instance of that yesterday where I didn't speak to someone that I used to know.  Part of that was because the last time I saw that person was before I got sick and they didn't remember me so I knew they wouldn't know me now.  I hope no one thinks this is mean...I really have gone out of my way a couple of times to say Hi and still have been met with and "ok who is that crazy lady" only to have them come back to me in a few minutes and say .... "I didn't know that was you when I saw you a few minutes ago."  Its o.k. with me.  I don't look the same and I am not the same person I was a year ago.  So see it is really a two way street there and a question for me of if the effort is worth the effort.  HUH??? 

Well I have written enough this morning.  I got to get the trash ready for pick up.  And I am feeling the need for a bacon and egg sandwich this morning. 

One other note, I am still doing my read through the Bible and I am really enjoying it.  I am doing it online with the one year Bible blog and it is great.  It is still not to late to start a reading plan.  Go to Bible Gateway.com and pick one out and then you can even return everyday and read the next date's scriptures or go buy a thru the Bible in a year Bible.  These are sectioned off with the date noted for you to read it.  They make those Bibles in a standard Genesis to Revelation version, a chronological version, or the version I am reading which is reading from the OT, NT, Psalm and Proverbs each day.  It makes it very simple for you to pick up and read.  give it a try.  I heard a preacher say yesterday on the radio that we need to READ THE WORD, LEARN THE WORD AND LIVE THE WORD.  Even the devil can quote scripture and he knows what is in the Good Book but He doesn't live it.  DO YOU?  and how can you if you don't read it.  (Ouch...that hurts my toes)

Love you All

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

Things that make me smile

Today I was going through some things that I had not seen in a while and they brought a smile to my face. Here is what I found:

A picture of Maggie when she was really little and she looked very fragile - she is not that way now.
A book on praying with scriptures that was highlighted everywhere and it was my grandma's
An old garfield bookmark that said lose my place and I will rearrange your face - that was mine as a teenager.
A letter from Maggie's teacher telling me how good she was in th second grade.
What else makes me smile:
Pictures of my great niece doing anything
My family
My friends
And above all else God makes me smile. I have found my treasure in Him and that is the source of my joy.

So what makes you smile?

"in the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed."

Love you all

Keep praying and keep looking up

Tammy

Whatever!

I was reading on Mark Batterson's website and came across this writing by Mark:

"This past week I found myself praying “whatever.” It’s a simple expression of surrender to the Lord–I’ll do whatever you want me to do! Whatever. Wherever. Whenever. For the record, I think one-word prayers can be some of the most powerful prayers. God responds to a heartfelt cry for “help” when we don’t know what else to ask for!"


A couple of years ago when I was in the midst of some serious prayer about something going on in my life I remember very plainly God sending that word in my direction.  Yes, out of the blue the word "Whatever" came into my thoughts.  I started asking God what that was about but the more I thought about it the more I came to the realization that it didn't matter what happened in this particular situation that God had it and so that Whatever happened it would be ok.  this Whatever gave me a lot of peace of mind at that time.  I even started laughing that day over it because it made me extremely happy.  God lifted my spirit with one word.  Whatever.  It didn't matter what, when, how or where, He would take care of it and I could quit worrying about it.  Whatever still pops into my mind every now and then and I always smile over that answered prayer that really didn't have an answer and I can honestly tell you that even today it has not been completely answered.  But with the promise of Whatever I offer it in His hands and leave it there so He can do Whatever He needs to do. 

God is Good!  That post I was reading on Mark Batterson's site brought my whatever back to memory.  What a great thing!  Give God your problems, burdens, sickness and let Him do whatever is needed. 

Update on Me:  I am doing good these days.  Chemo next week.  MRI to be done in a couple of months???  Then we will go from there.  I am gonna get me a short hair do this week since most of my longer hair has fallen out but I still have a head full of hair.  I may have to post a picture of me on here soon since I now see some people and they don't recognize me.  I am the smallest now that I have been since high school.  Even when I lost weight on weight watchers a few years ago, I didn't get this small.  I am on the chemo diet.  (Yuck)  I really don't want to get too thin because I like having a little reserves on board.  Oh Well.... Ice Cream is my friend these days and so will those girl scout thin mint cookies be my bff   : )

Love you all

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

Prayers - they never die

Well, I have finished the book, "The Circle Maker" and I have to say out of all the books I have read in a while, this book has had a major effect on me.  The book is on prayer and on circling your prayers over and over again much the way the city of Jericho was circled.  Mark Batterson suggests that we dream big, pray hard and think long.  Alot of what I will share here are things from the book.  The Dream Big part comes from the suggestion that we don't trust God with the big thing in our life.  God is there for the small and big things.  He is glorified through all things but when we ask for big things and He answers then His name is glorified even more.  He suggests that we think of big things to pray for.  Yes they have to have a God purpose, praying for a million dollars just because is not what he is talking about.  Praying for a million dollars to donate to missions, give to a church or even if you are burden by debt and need that to get you out would be ok.  Batterson suggests that you determine what it is you want to pray for and then you write it out, and circle it in prayer.  Set some permanence to it so that you pray for it and continue to pray for it.  Second, pray hard.  Pray until you get an answer.  While it may still not be the answer you want the answer will be better than what you want.  If what it takes is getting on your face, get on your face.  pray for it daily, or fast and pray....just continue to pray.  Get others to pray with you, then their is the think long.  Our prayers are not all answered ASAP.  Some prayers take awhile and others may not be answered in our lifetime.  A person doesn't plant a fruit tree for the harvest they will get in a month or two but they plant it for what they will get in the future.  Farmers use that kind of foresight they plant today what they will reap later.  So we should pray today knowing that the answer may be in the future. 

The other thing that still lingers in my mind about the book is the fact that Prayers never Die.  He mentions the prayers of grandparents for their children.  I think back to my grandma and hearing her pray for me at night.  Those prayers are still petitions laying at the feet of Jesus.  God still honors them even today. If she ever prayed for my safety ..... He is still answering that prayer.  With that in mind, I think it is changing my prayer life especially in how I pray for others particularly my daughter.  Knowing that my prayers for her will never die even when I do gives me great PEACE.  I am now praying daily not just for Maggie in the here and now but for Maggie's future, for her family that will one day be.  I have prayed over all my family differently this week because of this book.  There is also the suggestion of praying the promises in the Bible.  I am gonna compile a list of God's promises that are directly for us and begin to pray them over the people that I think they are needed for. 

There are still some things that I have to work out in my head so that I can circle them.  I have some Big things I need to pray for.  Yes there is healing that I can pray for but I have a few other things that I would love to see God answer prayer too.  I am so thankful for the gift of prayer. 

If you don't pray, I encourage you to give it a try.  If you only pray when you need something then try to pray some when you don't need anything - just pray and praise HIM.  If you pray often but not daily, give daily prayer a try.  If you pray daily, think about making it longer each day.  The Bible says to pray continually.  I think this is to constantly have a prayer in your hearts.  There is a part of this book that talks about Daniel and that he prayed 3 times a day and even when the King outlawed prayer he continued to pray.  Oh I want that determination.  God is Good and He answers prayer!  I am a living example of answered prayer. 

So as I always end.  Keep Praying....or start praying.  If you don't have something to pray for .... let me know and I can give you a few things to join me in prayer for.  I actually have a prayer on my heart right now that has been ongoing for a couple of years.  I know God will answer one day and in Him I Will Trust.  Only He knows the answer and thankfully He knows the situation.  I don't understand somethings but books like "The Circle Maker" give me the tools I need to help change me.  God is so good to me that I wanna do all I can to please HIM. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!  My God is Awesome and He is capable of some MIND BLOWING THINGS.  Let's tap into that, let's look for the awesome to happen.  JOIN ME IN PRAYING FOR IT.   Pray for God to SHOW OFF in some area of your life then Give Him The Glory.  When He does something BIG then there is no question as to who did it.  There are some things that ONLY God could do and that the things I am gonna add to my prayer list. 

Love you all!

Tammy

If you have any prayer requests and want someone to join you in praying for them...let me know.  I am willing to help you circle those requests in prayer! 

New Update

This is for my friends that don't do facebook.  My latest chemo markers are at 14.  Dr. Anderson told me Tuesday that he had not seen numbers as low as mine before and wondered if I had plateaued at 15.  Well, guess what.  I haven't plateaued at least not yet.  Yay God.  God is so good to ME!  I will say chemo knocks me for a bigger loop these days but at least I have more good days than these few that are bad.  As for the good days, they are the BEST.

Last Saturday I had the privilege to take my daughter and a friend to Winter Jam.  I had planned to take her last year but that was when I was first diagnosed and had a procedure at Duke prior to that weekend and could not attend.  Maggie went with the Acteens at church last year and had a good time but I am blessed to have been by her side this year.  It was 10 christian bands performing at the RBC Center from 6pm till ....  I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into.  Most of the bands I had never heard of before.  But I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.  I ended up buying me a Building 429 CD which I am enjoying.  Maggie invited a good friend (Sophie) and we even let a boy ride with us.  (Jared - he had a ball too).  We stayed after the concert so that they could get autographs and there is no telling how long we would have been if they hadn't told us that the lines would end at 11pm.  Maggie's favorite band Skillet, wasn't doing autographs but that was o.k.  She got plenty of others.  She wore her Skillet shirt she got for Christmas and bought a Group1Crew shirt.  (Yep, they have a new fan too - yep I like Group 1 Crew).  Who Knew?  I thank God for times like these.  He is an Awesome God.  We got there at about 12:45 and the doors weren't opening until 5pm but God blessed us with beautiful weather and we waited outside sitting in the grass just chilling.  I am always a little leery of the waiting part especially an outside waiting event due to chemo effects but I was fine and we had a Great time.  I am so glad we met up with Jenna and Jessica and they made the wait go by faster. 

Well that's it for now.  Keep praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy

Just thinking

Good Morning! 

I once again have alot on my mind.  I started a read thru of the Bible on Jan. 1st and love digging into His word.  I started one last year but got sidelined by all that was going on in my life.  I actually had started some scripture memorization too again last year and that was side lined too.  BUT this is a new year and I am still here so I am climbing back into his word on a daily basis.  Even on my chemo days I am gonna climb in and know that God will give me what it takes to comprehend His Word.  I love having a daily Bible reading.  I am in a Bible study and that gives me something to do in His word almost daily but we have had a break for Christmas and I have a tendency to not do anything during these breaks.  So I have a plan and a schedule to check off as I read.  (I love the check offs)

Enough of that.  For the past couple of days I have had one song on my mind alot.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jazyUn4LMgA
I included the link above if you want to hear it.  It goes...

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Saviors always there for me.
My God he was, My God He Is
My God He's always gonna be. 

(I didn't know this song was in some Hymnals with the exception of that last part - Wow)

I guess this song gives me Peace in a way I can't explain.  I don't know why God does what He does.  I am not skilled to understand but I do know My Savior is there for me what ever God's will and plan is for me.  Over the past couple of days I have been in prayer for Hillarie Denning.  I did not personally know her and found out about her through facebook but I joined with over 10000 others in praying for her.  I prayed for her healing and I prayed for God's will.  God received Hillarie yesterday at 4pm into His kingdom.  I so don't understand the workings of my God but I know her life touch over 10000 people that were following and praying for her via facebook.  That probably doesn't even count the number of folks that do not do computers and the internet.  My God is an Awesome God and His light has been shining through this situation.  I will still be praying for the family in the days to come.  I sometimes don't know why I am still here and I am deeply humbled by the fact that I am still here.  I know He doesn't love me more than He loved Hillarie, or Mrs Peggy, or Jason.  I just have to accept that He is not finished with me yet for some reason.  I truly thank Him for all that He is to me.  I wish everyone could know God and trust in Him completely.  Well the tears are rolling let me move on. 

As an update, I have been feeling pretty good lately.  My appetite is o.k., energy levels are o.k. and overall I am doing Great!  I will have chemo again next Tuesday.  Thanks for your continued prayers.  God is Good! 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

New Year and I am still HERE!

I am a little (well alot) moved by the holidays this year.  I think that it is the fact that I am still here and I had the opportunity to enjoy them yet again.  I love Christmas and this Christmas was no exception.  I hated to take the decorations down on Friday but I knew cold weather was coming and I needed to get them down outside.  So since I was on a roll the inside ones came down too.  I really love our Christmas tree and already miss it.  Maybe I will get me a little one to stick in a room somewhere that I can light up when I want to.  (Why Not? we should keep Christmas in our hearts year round - right) 

Another perk to this holiday was that I spent the whole time home with Maggie.  I have worked or been on call for YEARS and this year that was all gone.  We even headed to Myrtle Beach on Wednesday and stayed till Friday.  I could have never done that before.  We went to Wonderworks, the beach, our to eat, stayed at Broadway at the Beach and had a good time.  Maggie was able to swim in the indoor pool both evenings.  If you go to Myrtle Beach and don't care if you stay on the beach the Hampton Inn at the Broadway shopping area is a good hotel.  This was our 3rd or 4th time there and I have no complaints.  You can walk right out the hotel to Margaritaville which is what we did.  As a matter of fact, we stayed there the summer I was pregnant with Maggie and took my two nieces with us.  That was in July of 1999 and Maggie had just started moving in my belly.  I remember my nieces trying to feel her move.  Good Memories!!!!

The best part of the whole season was time spent with family.  Seeing my cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, brother in laws and sister in laws was truly great.  I love them and they love me and I feel that love even though we don't see each other that much some times. 

Well, with all that said, I can't wait to see what this year will bring.  I started a read thru of the Bible today and am totally excited to start.  Learning more about God is a Good Thing.  He has done so much for me that I wanna know Him more.

Well that's enough for now.  I love you all.  Thanks for all your prayers in 2011.  Keep them coming in 2012.  God's not finished with me yet.  : ) 

Please remember my mom's pastor Jimmy Earp in your prayers and also Hillary Denning (a middle school teacher that had a stroke on Christmas eve - she is 32)  I don't know Hillary personally but she needs our prayers and God place her on my heart so I can't get her out of my head.  I know I have requested prayer for Jason Evans in the past and lots of you probably prayed for him.  As you know, he went to see Jesus but his family could still use your prayers I am sure.  They are still on my mind as well.  In the Toby Mac book I read there was the story of a man that said he learned that when God placed someone on his heart to be prayed for that he would pray for them until God let him know that it was o.k. to quit praying.  Once he felt the all clear he didn't always see the answer right away but he knew he had done what God had required of him.  So this year I am gonna do the same.  If God places someone or something on my heart to pray for then I am gonna continue to do so until He lets me know that it is o.k. to quit praying. 

Now I am done. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy