#1 This Blog is more about God than me in case you haven't figured that out. And that is the way he intends for it to be. I pretty much went to chemo with no FEAR - that was God. Upon checking my emails I received some very powerful ones from friends that love God as much as I do. God is very actively working in their lives too. It is very empowering and encouraging to know that just as He is taking care of me, others are having Him take care of them. And for them to share so clearly what He is doing is a blessing all by itself. We all have different lives and God is leading us all if we will listen and obey. Sometimes He is even leading groups of people in the same direction. WOW! If I learned anything from doing the Experiencing God study by Henry Blackaby, it is that God is Always Working, We should be looking to see where He is working and then join in. And it others are sensing the same call at the same time. It is definitely GOD! WOW! And as the second friend responded. We serve a faithful and consistent God. True to His Character every time. No we are not all alike. We do not face the same Lions/Giants but our God is consistent in that if we are willing He is there to help up face them. AWESOME AND POWERFUL STUFF THERE!!!!
#2. My personal word today is below: From the devotional book "Jesus Calling" for today's date: (Read this devotional as if Jesus is speaking directly to YOU!)
Stop trying to work with things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything and everything in its time.
A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on my presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world. I have told you these things so that in Me you may have Peace. John 16:33 I have told you these thing so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I HAVE OVERCOME The WORLD!!!
I read this as I was preparing for chemo, how's that for timing. Can I get an amen from the chemo chair????
3. The very last thing I have to say is in regards to my Sunday post for prayer that I could focus on His word. To let you in a quirk of mine. I love Bible Study! It is nothing for me to do several at a time. I am in Bible study fellowship that is working thru the book of Isaiah this year (Awesome). At times I sign up for discipleship studies at our church that coincide with BSF. (both of these require homework for at least 5 to 6 nights per week). Then there is my daily Bible reading, studying for Sunday school and whatever else is calling me to read it. : ) Maybe that is more of an obsession. Yes, I am obssessed with God and His Word. Since all of this has happened to me. I have screeched to a STOP. I can't focus for long periods at a time. This greatly upsets me. But I have had 3 different sisters in Christ that have confirmed to me that God wants me to know that it is o.k. He will Feed me and I should just rest on him and let him minister to me. He will lead me into what I should read and and I shouldn't be stressing that I am not reading as much. This brings tears to my eyes. So Rest I shall.....Just as I picked up my devotional that was short and so needed He will continue to minister to me thru His word by different sources if I feel I can't focus enough to read it my self. That is already evidenced by the email mentioned above. By texts by several of my sisters. By words sent via a niece from my brother and can I say that two different people today sent Psalm 62 to me today to tell me that it was directly for me. What can I say???? Go God! Can I also tell you that one of my messengers today came and gave me this message directly in person. And her first words to me were. I have had this on my heart and I know God has something He wants me to tell you. All she had to say was "God wants me to tell you......" and the tears started falling. I knew the minute she said it that it was a message from God. Yes my Spirit LEAPED!!!! Love you GOD....I TRULY DO.
I sincerely hope that God is working in you lives as you journey day by day. You may not be facing a Giant right now or maybe you are but either way. Dig into His Word. Pray YOUR HEART OUT! Acknowledge He Is God! Grab onto that Robe and Don't let Go!!!! He will NEVER EVER LET YOU DOWN. If I can shout it in the midst of my Storm surely you Can Too. Let's ROAR in unison ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN. HOLY, HOLY, HOLY. LORD GOD ALMIGHTY! EARLY IN THE MORNING MY SONG WILL RISE TO THEE. ......GOD IN THREE PERSONS BLESSED TRINITY.
(switching songs here....) I do that sometimes too. : )
HOLY, HOLY, HOLY......HOLY, HOLY HOLY.
HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.
WORTHY TO RECEIVE GLORY,
WORTHY TO RECEIVE HONOR,
WORTHY TO RECEIVE ALL OUR PRAISE TODAY.
PRAISE HIM. PRAISE HIM AND LIFT HIM UP.
PRAISE HIM, EXALT HIS NAME FOREVER!
YES I AM SINGING NOW and that's o.k. too. SING Along too! I love to sing in groups
Love you All. If you need me to help you pray for anything in your life please let me know. I am still praying and willing to pray for anyone, anytime. No problem is too big or too small for Our God.
In His Service!!!!!!!!!! And Thankful that He wants to Use ME!
Your Sister in Christ!
Tammy Wright
Love yall
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
LOVE
I probably have said this before but it is worth saying again. God's love is BLOWING me away. He is drowning me in his love and I love being flooded with it. I can't even begin to tell anyone exactly how it feels because it is overwhelming, it is heart filling, it is pure joy, pure strength, and pure happiness. Why He Loves me so I do not know. I do not deserve it. I have done nothing special to earn it. I just simply know that HE is my Father, I know His son died for me, I asked for forgiveness for my sins and now the FATHER, THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT are always at my side. OHHHHHHHHH What an awesome thing! My God is an awesome God. Jesus - the name does speak peace to my soul, and the Spirit - what can I say I know it lives within me and is fighting with me. OH HOW I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE AWESOME - ALL THREE.
and then there is the love of God in others that overflows to me. no, still not deserving but it is God's gift to me. Oh How He Loves Me!!!!!
The love of my family, the love coming from friends, the love from my church family, and the love of my work family is part of the reason I am blown away. Even as Christians we don't always show love, sometimes we forget but I can tell you that right now all I see is love coming from every direction. God is truly behind it all and I thank Him for it. There is strength, support and peace in Love! Thank you God for the gift of love. God YOU ROCK and I couldn't and wouldn't wanna face all of this without you! Thank You Lord for your blessings on Me!
Tammy
and then there is the love of God in others that overflows to me. no, still not deserving but it is God's gift to me. Oh How He Loves Me!!!!!
The love of my family, the love coming from friends, the love from my church family, and the love of my work family is part of the reason I am blown away. Even as Christians we don't always show love, sometimes we forget but I can tell you that right now all I see is love coming from every direction. God is truly behind it all and I thank Him for it. There is strength, support and peace in Love! Thank you God for the gift of love. God YOU ROCK and I couldn't and wouldn't wanna face all of this without you! Thank You Lord for your blessings on Me!
Tammy
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Prayer Request - for me
It's Sunday morning and I am missing Church. I don't like to miss church. I would rather be there every time the doors opened. My body however is not agreeing with my spirit this morning. You know I don't know how God works. I know what He can do and I pray for him to do it. This morning I was asking for a touch so that I could go. Oh Well! Here I sit. Hence my prayer request. Nope this is not a request that I can get to church this morning but it is a request to ask everyone to pray that I can focus on HIS WORD. I have always loved to read the Bible. I love doing Bible studies, discipleship studies, and just simply reading His word. I have to admit that I have lost my Focus when it comes to this. It is like I open it up to read and I can't concentrate. This really bothers me. I know that God teaches us thru His Word, he encourages, he motivates, he changes our lives and our perceptions about life by His Word. I feel like I am missing something because I can't get into it right now!!! That's not Cool!!! I pray daily but I really wanna regain my focus to study his word. So that is my request..............Pray that I will dive in to His Word and that I can focus once again. I really need it especially right now!!! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
A Prayer
So here is a prayer. I have for a long time believe in fact I know that God doesn't care how we speak to him just simply that we speak to him. It can be spoken, it can be thought, on our heart or even written. I have for several years felt the need to journal but have never been consistent with it. On multiple ocasions, I have however written out prayers as a way to pour out my heart to God. I encourage everyone to do the same. I remember very plainly taking a Beth Moore discipleship study and at the beginning of the study we were to write out a prayer and not look at it again until the last week of the 10 week study. I did this and was totally amazed as to what happened. I ended up sharing my prayer with my husband (don't know if he remembers this or not) and then I shared it with a dear friend because part of my prayer was for her. I remember clearly opening it up and seeing what I had written and knowing without a doubt that God had been there thru it all and had been working the whole time. What a privilege to see it in action and to be able to share that testimony with those I had prayed for. They were actually able to see the written words and know I prayed for them and even they admitted God had intervened. HOW GREAT IS GOD! So with all that said, I am gonna write a prayer tonight. It is something God placed on my heart this morning. Don't know where it will lead but it you wanna read it ....continue on. I am opening it up to all of you! Not even that we will go back in 10 weeks (or even longer and look at it) but just because it is things that are on my heart that I have spoken to God and who knows there may even be other things that pop up that have not been spoken. SO HANG ON!!! KEEP READING! (If you want...I'm open - God's telling me to be)
Dear God,
You know I love you!!!! You are my King, my Savior, My Lord, My Deliverer, My Strength, Power, High Tower, Fortress, Healer, Father, Creator of all Things. You know all things! I praise you with all my heart and soul. I can not even begin to imagine you not being in my life. I do not deserve your love but you pour it on me anyway. God I know you will continue to stay beside me in wherever my path may lead. No, I don't understand all that has come my way but I do know that you are in Control and I am leaving all of this in your hands. God Bless my family and keep them in your hands. Wrap your arms around them and squeeze them hard when they need it. Let them know that you are there! God bless my friends and keep them in your light. Help them to face each day and to see you for who you are. I guess Dear God thru all of this I truly want others to See That you ARE REAL. That you are Alive and That You are Working! God Bless this blog and those that read it. Help it to open hearts and minds to YOU! God I don't want to do anything outside of your will! I only want to do what you would have me to do! Keep me in you will. Keep me fulfilling your purpose in my life. God, I am willing....Use ME!!!
Love You....Your Daughter!!!
Tammy
Dear God,
You know I love you!!!! You are my King, my Savior, My Lord, My Deliverer, My Strength, Power, High Tower, Fortress, Healer, Father, Creator of all Things. You know all things! I praise you with all my heart and soul. I can not even begin to imagine you not being in my life. I do not deserve your love but you pour it on me anyway. God I know you will continue to stay beside me in wherever my path may lead. No, I don't understand all that has come my way but I do know that you are in Control and I am leaving all of this in your hands. God Bless my family and keep them in your hands. Wrap your arms around them and squeeze them hard when they need it. Let them know that you are there! God bless my friends and keep them in your light. Help them to face each day and to see you for who you are. I guess Dear God thru all of this I truly want others to See That you ARE REAL. That you are Alive and That You are Working! God Bless this blog and those that read it. Help it to open hearts and minds to YOU! God I don't want to do anything outside of your will! I only want to do what you would have me to do! Keep me in you will. Keep me fulfilling your purpose in my life. God, I am willing....Use ME!!!
Love You....Your Daughter!!!
Tammy
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Words (sent by a shepherd)
Lion of Judah
Lamb of God
Glorious Conqueror
Suffering Son
Lion of Judah
With nails in His hands
The Mighty Redeemer
Was meek as a lamb
No elegant robes
No glorious throne
No armies at His side
Could this be the One?
A carpenter's son?
A man condemned to die?
But a lion roared
Deep inside the lamb
Inside the Man.
Lamb of God
Glorious Conqueror
Suffering Son
Lion of Judah
With nails in His hands
The Mighty Redeemer
Was meek as a lamb
No elegant robes
No glorious throne
No armies at His side
Could this be the One?
A carpenter's son?
A man condemned to die?
But a lion roared
Deep inside the lamb
Inside the Man.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Daily Blessing
This blog is truly a testimony to God and His daily provisions for me and my family. Never in a million years did I think I would see God manifest Himself in the way that He has in the past couple of weeks. There are literally times that I no sooner speaks something than the confirmation I need is in the next thing I hear. It is amazing. Yes, I still have some ?'s about all of this and Yes I DO TRUST GOD but I learned from Moses that it is alright to ? Him....it is His way of teaching us. My prayers somedays are more of daylong conversations with Him. They all start with I love YOU GOD! (cause I do) and then who knows what I might talk about next. Sometimes it is the same thing I said the last time and then sometimes something new strikes my heart and off I go in to a talk with My Father. It always brings peace even when it doesn't bring answers. Prayers don't have to be formal....He just wants to hear from His children. In much the same way as I pick up the phone almost everyday and talk to my mom, God wants us to open our mouth, our mind, our soul and talk to him. It doesn't even have to be verbalized....just thought. Mental telepathy, if its actively in you mind and not hidden in your heart He sees those wheels spinning and He knows His child is thinking of this and who knows maybe they are gonna finally give it to him. See, he knows what is on your heart, he knows what is hidden there. He just wants to hear it or better yet for you to give it to Him! I LOVE HIM more and more each day. Give Him Your Heart....He will make it new.
o.k. so all that written above is not about my title (well maybe alittle about my title) but I had to share the LOVE FIRST because His daily blessings are showing me how much He loves me!!!
Just today I went to work.....just for a 1/2 day. I had a bad night pain wise but I had already determined I was going in so in I went. While there I was blessed to see my friends that I love and that love me so and that is a blessing in itself but the specific one I wanna mention is my trip to our pharmacy. I dropped off my prescription yesterday for pain medicine. Upon going to pick it back up today me and the Pharmacist (Donna) got into a discussion about my side effects from the meds I was taking and about a bible study we both attend on Monday nights. She asked about me going and I told her that I would try to be there next Monday night but was a little worried about sitting for 2 hours but that maybe a pillow behind my back would be the right thing for me. We talked about other things and then I headed to my department. Upon arrival back I was called to see if I was in my office. The pharmacy had prepared me a basket with all kinds of goodies inside. There was a PILLOW, candy for dry mouth, books to read - two of them had actually been recommended to me to be read and other things for dry skin, lips etc. It was a care package full of love. What truly blew me away was the pillow. I just got it out of my mouth....literally and then there it was. That's God...working thru others! So thank you God for your provisions to me!!! You ROCK!!!
o.k. so all that written above is not about my title (well maybe alittle about my title) but I had to share the LOVE FIRST because His daily blessings are showing me how much He loves me!!!
Just today I went to work.....just for a 1/2 day. I had a bad night pain wise but I had already determined I was going in so in I went. While there I was blessed to see my friends that I love and that love me so and that is a blessing in itself but the specific one I wanna mention is my trip to our pharmacy. I dropped off my prescription yesterday for pain medicine. Upon going to pick it back up today me and the Pharmacist (Donna) got into a discussion about my side effects from the meds I was taking and about a bible study we both attend on Monday nights. She asked about me going and I told her that I would try to be there next Monday night but was a little worried about sitting for 2 hours but that maybe a pillow behind my back would be the right thing for me. We talked about other things and then I headed to my department. Upon arrival back I was called to see if I was in my office. The pharmacy had prepared me a basket with all kinds of goodies inside. There was a PILLOW, candy for dry mouth, books to read - two of them had actually been recommended to me to be read and other things for dry skin, lips etc. It was a care package full of love. What truly blew me away was the pillow. I just got it out of my mouth....literally and then there it was. That's God...working thru others! So thank you God for your provisions to me!!! You ROCK!!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Accountability Sisters
Hold...ON....Just A Sec.....Got one more thing to do before I type another word........Well I am on hold for the second time now. ok....that is done...Now I have to wait for the return call. After all the events of the past weekend, it is now time to schedule the portacath so Chemo can start (Yay ME). I have daily texts and calls from My mom and My Sisters in Christ wanting me to get this done. So now that call has been placed and we will see when they can fit me in. That is just for you Kristy and Misty and of course you MOM, if you are reading.
I thank God for my friends, family and coworkers. I started a 30 period of thanks back in September to try to think of one thing I was thankful for each and every day. I didn't want it to be a thank you for one thing each day but I did want it to be a thank you for whatever came to mind on any given day. Yes, somedays it was family, somedays it was friends, and somedays it was very random as to what I would type. Looking back at that now I can say that I am Still Thankful. God has done so much in my life that I can't imagine not being thankful in all things but maybe sometimes I am not as thankful as I should be.
God gave the ultimate sacrifice of His Son so many years ago. I can't even imagine the pain that took. He not only saw him to the cross, he saw HIS perfect son take on the sin of the World and then had to look away. I know many times with my own child I have thought of this sacrifice and I would have to say if it can down to my life or hers....take mine anyday Dear Jesus. There have been times that her little body was sick and I would pray ....give it to me Dear Jesus so she doesn't have to hurt. Oh Dear God, I know in some ways you had to feel the same. You created the Heavens and Earth. You know the course of our lives and you had to know how this would happen. My Father in Heaven .....you did it for me. You did it for all of us. I can't even comtemplate that kind of love. I know that in the times I have ahead of me, the pain I will feel, the hurt I may feel and the total loss of control will only lead me to understand you more, not completely but more. God I am looking full in your wonderful face alot now. When the way gets tough, or I feel at a loss for what to say or how to feel. I am looking to you. I know you want let me down. Thank you God for your provisions, (More Later)
Tammy
I thank God for my friends, family and coworkers. I started a 30 period of thanks back in September to try to think of one thing I was thankful for each and every day. I didn't want it to be a thank you for one thing each day but I did want it to be a thank you for whatever came to mind on any given day. Yes, somedays it was family, somedays it was friends, and somedays it was very random as to what I would type. Looking back at that now I can say that I am Still Thankful. God has done so much in my life that I can't imagine not being thankful in all things but maybe sometimes I am not as thankful as I should be.
God gave the ultimate sacrifice of His Son so many years ago. I can't even imagine the pain that took. He not only saw him to the cross, he saw HIS perfect son take on the sin of the World and then had to look away. I know many times with my own child I have thought of this sacrifice and I would have to say if it can down to my life or hers....take mine anyday Dear Jesus. There have been times that her little body was sick and I would pray ....give it to me Dear Jesus so she doesn't have to hurt. Oh Dear God, I know in some ways you had to feel the same. You created the Heavens and Earth. You know the course of our lives and you had to know how this would happen. My Father in Heaven .....you did it for me. You did it for all of us. I can't even comtemplate that kind of love. I know that in the times I have ahead of me, the pain I will feel, the hurt I may feel and the total loss of control will only lead me to understand you more, not completely but more. God I am looking full in your wonderful face alot now. When the way gets tough, or I feel at a loss for what to say or how to feel. I am looking to you. I know you want let me down. Thank you God for your provisions, (More Later)
Tammy
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Good Sunday Morning!
Yes, it is Sunday...one of my favorite days. This Sunday however I will spend sitting in a recliner at my house just chilling. What a tiring end of the week it has been. Oh Well that is done with. Now it is time to get better and move on. I can say that during all of this I have gone back to my friend Kristy's prayer the other Wednesday night about the manna for each day. That has helped me thru alot of times the last couple of days. While on the table in one of those rooms at Duke I remember calling out to God saying ....o.k. now it is time for the manna for this day. : ) I think everyday I have reached that point where I just needed the manna for that day. Life is tough and sometimes the things going on in our life make it tougher - But God is Good and He is right there beside me. No, I don't understand all of this, Couldn't explain it if I tried, I just know that for whatever reason, this is what I am facing and God will be right beside me the whole way. How people get thru this without God, I do not know. I am thankful that I know Him, that I trust Him and that He Loves ME!!!!
I now have a tube sticking out of my right side that has a drainage bag attached to catch bile from my liver that was not draining correctly. So draining it is doing. Drain, drain, drain....it is working. Yay for that. Don't know what this week will bring. I was once again placed on the schedule for my portacath on Monday but when they decided to keep me at Duke then my appointment was cancelled so I guess one day this week I will be getting that done. Then comes chemo. Keep Praying....Keep Looking Up.
I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from,
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.
He's Helping ME every step of the way. He has not decreased my steps (at least not that I am aware of) and he has not changed its course but I know that He is helping me each and every step, each and every day.
I still love my God and He still loves ME!
I now have a tube sticking out of my right side that has a drainage bag attached to catch bile from my liver that was not draining correctly. So draining it is doing. Drain, drain, drain....it is working. Yay for that. Don't know what this week will bring. I was once again placed on the schedule for my portacath on Monday but when they decided to keep me at Duke then my appointment was cancelled so I guess one day this week I will be getting that done. Then comes chemo. Keep Praying....Keep Looking Up.
I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from,
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.
He's Helping ME every step of the way. He has not decreased my steps (at least not that I am aware of) and he has not changed its course but I know that He is helping me each and every step, each and every day.
I still love my God and He still loves ME!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Everyday is Something New!
I didn't get on here on Wednesday because Wednesdays are busy for me. Between work, then home, then church, it seems there is little time. I am actually finding it hard to get alot of things done. Work has it own requirements (and yes, I am still working). There are things I wanna do at home and I wanna be at church because I love it there!!! So I guess my life will wind down now that the weekend is almost here. Tomorrow I will be at Duke to have an Endoscopic procedure that will look at my pancreas. (Yay Me). Then there is Winter Jam on Saturday and Church on Sunday. Portacath will go in on Monday and I guess Chemo next week.
Busy, busy, busy.....and in the midst of all that I have had a lot of things running around my head. Actually it is probably alot like the Daytona 500 in my head. So many things to think of, so many things to do and then there is the realization that I can't do everything when I just simply don't feel good. Well, I shall do what I can and the rest will be done when it can.
One thing I do seem to be able to do is Praise MY King! Thru all of this, God is still showing His Glory. He is everywhere. I see HIM in daily life.....I don't have the time right now to share....but give me a day or two and I will. God is at work in this Child's life and I can't wait to see what He does.
Busy, busy, busy.....and in the midst of all that I have had a lot of things running around my head. Actually it is probably alot like the Daytona 500 in my head. So many things to think of, so many things to do and then there is the realization that I can't do everything when I just simply don't feel good. Well, I shall do what I can and the rest will be done when it can.
One thing I do seem to be able to do is Praise MY King! Thru all of this, God is still showing His Glory. He is everywhere. I see HIM in daily life.....I don't have the time right now to share....but give me a day or two and I will. God is at work in this Child's life and I can't wait to see what He does.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Psalm 18 - It fits, It His Word and Yes, It's For Me - (and you)
This is a Song of David's and could very well be my song. The first words in every prayer I say are I love you LORD. It is amazing in the midst of such a storm my strongest emotion is love for my God!!!
1 I love you, LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I am not guilty of turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect:
The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
36 You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you humbled my adversaries before me.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as windblown dust;
I trampled them like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations.
People I did not know now serve me,
44 foreigners cower before me;
as soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from a violent man you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations;
I will sing the praises of your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing love to his anointed,
to David and to his descendants forever.
1 I love you, LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I am not guilty of turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect:
The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
36 You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you humbled my adversaries before me.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as windblown dust;
I trampled them like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations.
People I did not know now serve me,
44 foreigners cower before me;
as soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from a violent man you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations;
I will sing the praises of your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing love to his anointed,
to David and to his descendants forever.
Monday, March 14, 2011
I Stand Amazed!
I stand amazed at the provisions of my God. The daily blessings he pours out on me. It has been a very long day. Up way early because I could not sleep. (imagine that) and then to Duke to meet Dr. Hope Uronis (love that first name) and then home again. Yes I have had quite a bit of pain today. I think perhaps because she pushed on my stomach some. Who knew the pancreas was in the shape of a fish? Not me and yes the place I hurt the most when pushed is exactly where it resides. And then who wants to eat liver at the Golden Corral when your own liver is acting up. Anyway....that's the funny part of my day.
I enjoyed meeting Dr. Uronis and everyone there was wonderful. What a great way to start a day that could have been filled with depressing news. But I feel that it is all God's plan. He is in control. Complete control.
Another thing that happened today was that I received two different messages today as to the interpretation of my dream. Both people who do not know each other gave me the same interpretation. Can I also tell you that while I had not come to a complete analysis of the dream I had determine that the lion in my dream is not the cancer. The lion was God! Is God! Yes I think my cancer is roaring and yes you can still compare it to a lion but I know that the lion in my dream was far more powerful than any other. I felt no fear and on facebook I have changed my profile picture to a lion and a lamb. In that picture I find peace. He is my lion. What amazes me is the interpretation...that I had started to come to that realization by meditation myself. Also that 2 other people confirmed it....or I should say completely sealed it for me. It takes me back to everytime I read the story of Moses and I read how he goes on the mountain top and he comes back radiating so much so that the israelites can not look on His face. He has to use a veil to cover himself. That is awesome! In my dream, I consider this to be a similar circumstance. Face to face with God figuratively in a dream and I believe now in life I am radiating because of it. He has already sealed my fate and my job is to watch him, look to him, trust him and be obedient to him. He Has This!!! Nothing else can change that! I am still thinking alot about all of this. Please pray for the proper words to share this with everyone. I know without a doubt that God is still calling me to share and to shine. Everyone I meet will know I am trusting him and I can tell you everywhere I go I have the opportunity to tell them about HIM. God is So Good To ME!!! I STAND AMAZED that He cares so much for me. That for one He sought me and bought me with his redeeming grace. That he pursued me approx 5 years ago to get me back in His arms, and that He has steadily offered the discipleship studies, sermons, lessons, and friends that I needed to grow me. I have faced some other issues in the past couple of years that require dependence on Him but this is gonna take complete dependence. I am Standing on that Solid Rock. Yoked with Jesus, hand in hand with God and filled with His Spirit. Ready to face the future.
Keep praying and keep looking above.
Tammy
I enjoyed meeting Dr. Uronis and everyone there was wonderful. What a great way to start a day that could have been filled with depressing news. But I feel that it is all God's plan. He is in control. Complete control.
Another thing that happened today was that I received two different messages today as to the interpretation of my dream. Both people who do not know each other gave me the same interpretation. Can I also tell you that while I had not come to a complete analysis of the dream I had determine that the lion in my dream is not the cancer. The lion was God! Is God! Yes I think my cancer is roaring and yes you can still compare it to a lion but I know that the lion in my dream was far more powerful than any other. I felt no fear and on facebook I have changed my profile picture to a lion and a lamb. In that picture I find peace. He is my lion. What amazes me is the interpretation...that I had started to come to that realization by meditation myself. Also that 2 other people confirmed it....or I should say completely sealed it for me. It takes me back to everytime I read the story of Moses and I read how he goes on the mountain top and he comes back radiating so much so that the israelites can not look on His face. He has to use a veil to cover himself. That is awesome! In my dream, I consider this to be a similar circumstance. Face to face with God figuratively in a dream and I believe now in life I am radiating because of it. He has already sealed my fate and my job is to watch him, look to him, trust him and be obedient to him. He Has This!!! Nothing else can change that! I am still thinking alot about all of this. Please pray for the proper words to share this with everyone. I know without a doubt that God is still calling me to share and to shine. Everyone I meet will know I am trusting him and I can tell you everywhere I go I have the opportunity to tell them about HIM. God is So Good To ME!!! I STAND AMAZED that He cares so much for me. That for one He sought me and bought me with his redeeming grace. That he pursued me approx 5 years ago to get me back in His arms, and that He has steadily offered the discipleship studies, sermons, lessons, and friends that I needed to grow me. I have faced some other issues in the past couple of years that require dependence on Him but this is gonna take complete dependence. I am Standing on that Solid Rock. Yoked with Jesus, hand in hand with God and filled with His Spirit. Ready to face the future.
Keep praying and keep looking above.
Tammy
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Another Day to Praise the King!
I love Sundays....I love church. There are not many things that are better than teaching, telling, singing, learning and praising our God. Actually I can't think of nothing Better. If you are sad, praise Him.
If you are sick, praise Him
If you are lonely, praise Him
If you are angry, praise Him
If you are confused, praise Him
If you are lost, praise Him
If you are broken hearted, Praise Him.
And definitely, if you are happy, Praise Him
In all things Praise Him.
He will turn all the bad things in to Good.
Sundays make me happy partially for those reasons. No matter my state mentally, physically or emotionally. If I just throw myself into worship, I feel better. So I do and I did today. (Actually I did yesterday too)
What a wonderful weekend. Yes, I could be stressed and let the worries of tomorrow cloud my day but I am choosing the Joy of the Lord to be my strength.
God is Good and His love endures forever.
Praise opportunities are everywhere. Walk outside on a beautiful day and praise him. I went to showcase of stars at JCC and found an opportunity to praise HIM. Actually a performance there took my breath away.
Then to Interstate Ministries that evening to sing with the WMBC choir and oh....what an opportunity to praise him.
And Now Sunday....yes more time to praise him.
I wholeheartedly will tell you that if you are down, depressed, don't know where to turn or you situation seems hopeless. JUST PRAISE HIM! He will cast a light on your praise and your days will be brighter.
Praise Him NOW!!!
and say a prayer for me. Off to Duke in the AM to see what the wonderful doctors up there can come up for me. I feel God opened this door so I am going thru it. I will keep you posted.
If you are sick, praise Him
If you are lonely, praise Him
If you are angry, praise Him
If you are confused, praise Him
If you are lost, praise Him
If you are broken hearted, Praise Him.
And definitely, if you are happy, Praise Him
In all things Praise Him.
He will turn all the bad things in to Good.
Sundays make me happy partially for those reasons. No matter my state mentally, physically or emotionally. If I just throw myself into worship, I feel better. So I do and I did today. (Actually I did yesterday too)
What a wonderful weekend. Yes, I could be stressed and let the worries of tomorrow cloud my day but I am choosing the Joy of the Lord to be my strength.
God is Good and His love endures forever.
Praise opportunities are everywhere. Walk outside on a beautiful day and praise him. I went to showcase of stars at JCC and found an opportunity to praise HIM. Actually a performance there took my breath away.
Then to Interstate Ministries that evening to sing with the WMBC choir and oh....what an opportunity to praise him.
And Now Sunday....yes more time to praise him.
I wholeheartedly will tell you that if you are down, depressed, don't know where to turn or you situation seems hopeless. JUST PRAISE HIM! He will cast a light on your praise and your days will be brighter.
Praise Him NOW!!!
and say a prayer for me. Off to Duke in the AM to see what the wonderful doctors up there can come up for me. I feel God opened this door so I am going thru it. I will keep you posted.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
How I found the Lion!
For a couple of years now, it has been on my heart to start a journal. I have several started and stopped ones around my house and I even started this blog a couple of years ago and titled it "Forever Fit in My 40's" I was gonna use it to motivate myself into a healthier lifestyle. (I was not very successful) So when I started this one the other day....I just simply changed the name, deleted old posts and started anew to the story I know God is calling me to tell. For this post though I am going to my written journal to see what I wrote. This journal is a notebook calendar bought earlier in the year with the thought I would write a little something in it everyday. (That hasn't work either) But when something important has happened - I have written it and I am glad I did. Yes, my dream is written in my journal also. So here is my story of finding the lion....as noted in my journal/calendar:
It begins with pain. Pain that I have had off and on since last May - June 2010. I went to the doctor at that time to get it checked. I have reflux and have taken Zantac for years. I really thought that I had an ulcer or some type of stomach ailment that was causing my abdominal pain. So I went to see a GI Doc. They did an Abdominal CT and I was told they found nothing. Just an ovarian cyst that had flared up and I could follow up with my OBGYN for that. I did however get a copy of my CT report and noted that there was mild pancreatitis going on. (The doctors even now say that they would not have thought that remarkable because my CT is very changed now). So the pain subsided and I forgot about it. It would occur now and then but probably starting in December it picked up its frequency. Since January, it has occurred as stomach pain and back pain at times. I have spent nights on heating pads, and days with heat patches stuck to me. So in January I decided that I needed to once again find a doctor to see me. All these years I have gone to see an OBGYN for my yearly physical and it has been o.k. (I love my OB doctor) but I realized that I was getting older, I was gonna have more problems health wise and it would be a good idea to have a complete physical and get someone who could take care of all of me. So I made and appointment to be seen by a family medicine provider. Labwork was ordered and my results came back with elevated liver enzymes noted, so the suggestion was that we would wait 3 weeks and do more lab work. Well I did and the enzymes were high again. Please note, that during all this testing I was still having pain. And other than the suggestion that I switch to Prilosec OTC, nothing was being done. So I called them up and asked what are we gonna do about my pain. An Aabdominal ultrasound was ordered. (the results of this study were not very remarkable - it showed a fatty liver which I hear is common). While waiting to hear from a doctor, my pain increased to the point it was nonstop. On the night of the 24th of February, actually early in the morning of the 25th, I woke David up and told him I was going to the ED. Once there they gave me something for pain and then prepared to send me home with pain medicines. As the provider told me this, I began to cry and if any of you reading this know David, He became upset. I could not believe that all we were gonna do was mask the problem and not take any steps into revealing its source. David very clearly might I say demanded they do something. So they ask if I wanted to do another CT. I said YES! and the rest is history. I saw a PA or NP that night and she was actually very friendly and nice but I don't think she understood the desperation in my life. I was tired of hurting and tired of not knowing. Pain meds are wonderful but they just cover up what is going on. Once the CT results were back, the doctor working in the ED came back in to tell me the results. A mass was seen in my Pancreas and in my liver. She told me they were admitting me and that Dr. Collins would be coming by to see me. I went up to my room and awaited His arrival. Dr. Collins told me it could be cancer, it could be infection. (Yes, I thought it was cancer). I was informed I would have to have more testing done but since it was Friday it would be difficult to get things in motion. So I asked if my pain was controlled, could I at least go home and later in the day I went home.
Feb 25 ----------ED visit and Abdominal CT
March 3---------MRI of my pancreas and a liver biopsy
March 8th-------Dr. Collin's office for official results. (Pancreatic Cancer - Liver involved)
March 10th -----Dr. Anderson's (Oncologist) office to discuss treatment
I know this is long but I also know that not everyone knows the whole story and I want it straight. I have already received confusing information that has come back to me. Once I got out of the hospital on that Friday afternoon, I had originally planned to go to Fort Caswell with the ladies from our church. The question was "Should I go or should i stay?" Maggie had plans for the weekend, David had plans (although if I stayed home, he would have been right beside me) So I decided why not! let's Go and I went. That was a God thing too! His timing is perfect. Yes, to us there is not a perfect time to get sick, a perfect time to hear an awful diagnosis but God can make anything better and provides for us in every way. I rode to Caswell with Karen S. and Mary Jay (that was a God thing too). He already knew that I would go, who I would ride with, the messages I would hear, the songs we would sing, the love that would rain down and the encouragement I would need even in that first weekend.
This is exactly what I wrote in my journal...."I am writing this to say "every" word that I have heard is a direct word from God to me!" I knew that weekend that God was calling me to be a light in this dark world. He chose this path for me. (how awful but what an honor). I gotta believe, trust and let my light shine. Now I am to shine for Him no matter what the cost or however the means. God works thru circumstances and prayer. Even in this valley He has blessed me with song, He has filled my heart with praise and His love overflows. My last written journal entry is Feb. 27, 2011. "It's Sunday Lord! Here's my song for you today - Jesus, you're the joy of Living. Savior of my soul the one who makes me whole. Jesus, Jesus, let my life shine and let the whole world know I'm yours and you are mine..you are mine...you are mine. GOD I LOVE YOU!
It was in my hospital room on that Friday, Feb. 25, that I remembered my dream. I don't even know what we were talking about but all of a sudden, it hit me. This is it! This is my dream. I was in amazement at the thought that God showed me this was coming. David, my mom, Pastor Billie, Janet and Beth were in the room with me when I realized this. As mentioned in a previous post - there were only 2 people on this earth that knew my dream. Kathy W. (my BSF leader/friend/sister in Christ) and myself. I told them of my dream and I read the actual words I wrote in my journal. and here they are:
" As I walked I came face to face with the Lion - I stood very still. I looked him in the eyes then closed my eyes. I don't know what the Lion did. As I closed my eyes, I started praying, praising and I knew that whatever came my way that the end result would be in Heaven one day. Whether the lion hasten my journey or not, it did not matter. I was going home to see my Jesus. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Not tears of fear. But tears of happiness because of the assurance I felt and the lack of fear I noted. Thank you Jesus. Thank You God. I don't know what Lion I will face but I know that you are there to help me face it. You are my God and My king - I thank You!!!"
One more God thing yes I could go on for days : )
I sent Kathy a text that day I was in the hospital to let her know I was there. She sent scripture back to me. I honestly don't know if I had made the connection between the lion and illness at the time and I am fairly certain I had not told her of my realization when she sent the following text back to me. Judges 14:6 "The spirit of the Lord came upon him in power so that he tore the Lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor mother what he had done" (it's about Samson). Once I had this dream - I had looked up scriptures about lions because I knew something was coming that God was preparing me for and I needed to plant His word in my heart to prepare myself for it. I do not believe I came across the Judges scripture - but how powerful is it. (wow)
my scripture I picked to memorize was Proverbs 28:1 "The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are a bold as a lion."
So being bold, I am....IF the lion is gonna Roar - with God's strength I am ROARING BACK. MY GOD IS BIGGER!
LOVE you All.....Look for God in YOUR LIFE - If you look - you will find Him! He's there!
It begins with pain. Pain that I have had off and on since last May - June 2010. I went to the doctor at that time to get it checked. I have reflux and have taken Zantac for years. I really thought that I had an ulcer or some type of stomach ailment that was causing my abdominal pain. So I went to see a GI Doc. They did an Abdominal CT and I was told they found nothing. Just an ovarian cyst that had flared up and I could follow up with my OBGYN for that. I did however get a copy of my CT report and noted that there was mild pancreatitis going on. (The doctors even now say that they would not have thought that remarkable because my CT is very changed now). So the pain subsided and I forgot about it. It would occur now and then but probably starting in December it picked up its frequency. Since January, it has occurred as stomach pain and back pain at times. I have spent nights on heating pads, and days with heat patches stuck to me. So in January I decided that I needed to once again find a doctor to see me. All these years I have gone to see an OBGYN for my yearly physical and it has been o.k. (I love my OB doctor) but I realized that I was getting older, I was gonna have more problems health wise and it would be a good idea to have a complete physical and get someone who could take care of all of me. So I made and appointment to be seen by a family medicine provider. Labwork was ordered and my results came back with elevated liver enzymes noted, so the suggestion was that we would wait 3 weeks and do more lab work. Well I did and the enzymes were high again. Please note, that during all this testing I was still having pain. And other than the suggestion that I switch to Prilosec OTC, nothing was being done. So I called them up and asked what are we gonna do about my pain. An Aabdominal ultrasound was ordered. (the results of this study were not very remarkable - it showed a fatty liver which I hear is common). While waiting to hear from a doctor, my pain increased to the point it was nonstop. On the night of the 24th of February, actually early in the morning of the 25th, I woke David up and told him I was going to the ED. Once there they gave me something for pain and then prepared to send me home with pain medicines. As the provider told me this, I began to cry and if any of you reading this know David, He became upset. I could not believe that all we were gonna do was mask the problem and not take any steps into revealing its source. David very clearly might I say demanded they do something. So they ask if I wanted to do another CT. I said YES! and the rest is history. I saw a PA or NP that night and she was actually very friendly and nice but I don't think she understood the desperation in my life. I was tired of hurting and tired of not knowing. Pain meds are wonderful but they just cover up what is going on. Once the CT results were back, the doctor working in the ED came back in to tell me the results. A mass was seen in my Pancreas and in my liver. She told me they were admitting me and that Dr. Collins would be coming by to see me. I went up to my room and awaited His arrival. Dr. Collins told me it could be cancer, it could be infection. (Yes, I thought it was cancer). I was informed I would have to have more testing done but since it was Friday it would be difficult to get things in motion. So I asked if my pain was controlled, could I at least go home and later in the day I went home.
Feb 25 ----------ED visit and Abdominal CT
March 3---------MRI of my pancreas and a liver biopsy
March 8th-------Dr. Collin's office for official results. (Pancreatic Cancer - Liver involved)
March 10th -----Dr. Anderson's (Oncologist) office to discuss treatment
I know this is long but I also know that not everyone knows the whole story and I want it straight. I have already received confusing information that has come back to me. Once I got out of the hospital on that Friday afternoon, I had originally planned to go to Fort Caswell with the ladies from our church. The question was "Should I go or should i stay?" Maggie had plans for the weekend, David had plans (although if I stayed home, he would have been right beside me) So I decided why not! let's Go and I went. That was a God thing too! His timing is perfect. Yes, to us there is not a perfect time to get sick, a perfect time to hear an awful diagnosis but God can make anything better and provides for us in every way. I rode to Caswell with Karen S. and Mary Jay (that was a God thing too). He already knew that I would go, who I would ride with, the messages I would hear, the songs we would sing, the love that would rain down and the encouragement I would need even in that first weekend.
This is exactly what I wrote in my journal...."I am writing this to say "every" word that I have heard is a direct word from God to me!" I knew that weekend that God was calling me to be a light in this dark world. He chose this path for me. (how awful but what an honor). I gotta believe, trust and let my light shine. Now I am to shine for Him no matter what the cost or however the means. God works thru circumstances and prayer. Even in this valley He has blessed me with song, He has filled my heart with praise and His love overflows. My last written journal entry is Feb. 27, 2011. "It's Sunday Lord! Here's my song for you today - Jesus, you're the joy of Living. Savior of my soul the one who makes me whole. Jesus, Jesus, let my life shine and let the whole world know I'm yours and you are mine..you are mine...you are mine. GOD I LOVE YOU!
It was in my hospital room on that Friday, Feb. 25, that I remembered my dream. I don't even know what we were talking about but all of a sudden, it hit me. This is it! This is my dream. I was in amazement at the thought that God showed me this was coming. David, my mom, Pastor Billie, Janet and Beth were in the room with me when I realized this. As mentioned in a previous post - there were only 2 people on this earth that knew my dream. Kathy W. (my BSF leader/friend/sister in Christ) and myself. I told them of my dream and I read the actual words I wrote in my journal. and here they are:
" As I walked I came face to face with the Lion - I stood very still. I looked him in the eyes then closed my eyes. I don't know what the Lion did. As I closed my eyes, I started praying, praising and I knew that whatever came my way that the end result would be in Heaven one day. Whether the lion hasten my journey or not, it did not matter. I was going home to see my Jesus. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Not tears of fear. But tears of happiness because of the assurance I felt and the lack of fear I noted. Thank you Jesus. Thank You God. I don't know what Lion I will face but I know that you are there to help me face it. You are my God and My king - I thank You!!!"
One more God thing yes I could go on for days : )
I sent Kathy a text that day I was in the hospital to let her know I was there. She sent scripture back to me. I honestly don't know if I had made the connection between the lion and illness at the time and I am fairly certain I had not told her of my realization when she sent the following text back to me. Judges 14:6 "The spirit of the Lord came upon him in power so that he tore the Lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor mother what he had done" (it's about Samson). Once I had this dream - I had looked up scriptures about lions because I knew something was coming that God was preparing me for and I needed to plant His word in my heart to prepare myself for it. I do not believe I came across the Judges scripture - but how powerful is it. (wow)
my scripture I picked to memorize was Proverbs 28:1 "The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are a bold as a lion."
So being bold, I am....IF the lion is gonna Roar - with God's strength I am ROARING BACK. MY GOD IS BIGGER!
LOVE you All.....Look for God in YOUR LIFE - If you look - you will find Him! He's there!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Baby Steps and Manna from above
Good Morning, Yes I am a morning person, usually not this early but I have had a habit for a long time of waking in the middle of the night staying awake for a while then going back to sleep. I sometimes read, sometimes write, sometimes pray. Whatever I feel led to do in the still of the night - that's what I do. So Here I am writing.
I have received lots of emails, facebook posts, facebook messages, phone calls and even text messages over the past couple of days. The support is Awesome! I do literally feel God's love at every turn and it is a wonderful source of strength.
I know that by now most of the people reading this have read about my dream. To say it is the first such dream is the truth. God has spoke to me before thru dreams and thru sudden words that pop in to my head that had to have come from him. I can tell you that last week I also had one of those word days. I have spent alot of time in prayer, time in His word and time just thinking. During one day last week, when tons of thing were running thru my head I remember clearly thinking the words "baby steps" When those words hit me, I literally thought to myself....where did that come from. Then I realized that they came from God. God is telling me that I may not know what tomorrow brings, I may not know where my Next step will lead me but this fight isn't about the finish line yet. It is about the journey and spending it with Him. I know that I mentioned this to my Mom when it occurred. I did feel reassurance from it and now other things have confirmed it as a God thing. So that is what I am doing taking Baby steps. Yes I wanna run - yes and sometimes in the other direction. I had such a short attack like that yesterday. But in that moment I found a quiet place, said a prayer and God met me there and gave me peace. (yes He will provide what we need when we need it).
- there is one other thing I need to share this morning. On Wednesday night prior to church I texted a friend of mine to ask if we could pull all the ladies at church together to pray together. I suggested that we do it prior to, during or after church. She texted me back and said - yes we could. Upon arrival, it was decided that it would occur at the end of the church service. So I went with my other daughters (Acteens) to our room and we had a prayer request/praise session. I told them my story and they proceed to lavish love on me. yes, I got roses and a huge Get Well card that I intend to keep with me thru out this fight. I love these girls and their heart for God. My friend, Kristy whom I had sent the text too came and got us all prior to the end of service. We all went up front. When it was time for the prayer - Kristy was asked to pray. For those of you that do not know Kristy, I will tell you that she is an awesome Woman of God. She love God, she loves His word and she plants it in her heart on a daily basis. She has been the single most influential person on me when it comes to reading the Bible from cover to cover and to memorizing scripture. (I love you Kristy). I knew when Kristy prayed this was not how she wanted it to happen. Yes, she arranged it but it was for someone else to pray. (Sorry) but she got the call on to voice the prayer and as I told her yesterday. That was a God thing too. Because right along with my word from God about Baby steps. Kristy quoted scripture in her prayers then prayer that God would provide me manna each day for my survival. Just like in the wilderness where God give His people what they needed on a daily basis, she ask him to give me what I needed on a daily basis. That is exactly what I needed to hear. That is the prayer I needed prayed. Because I know this journey will be filled with baby steps, I know that I will also need manna each day that is fresh and new and that God will provide that. Cause that is What He Does. He loves His Children and He provides for their needs. And yesterday, before I went to the oncologists' office, I had the thought to run - in the other direction. I vocalized the "Why me Lord?, the "take this cup from me Lord" and the "I just plain don't wanna do this God!" And do you wanna know what happen? I went right back to my office, Bent my head in prayer and said a prayer to the one who could hear. And He gave me peace, He gave me strength, He gave me composure. Yes I walked into the doctor's office and My heart rate was fine, my blood pressure was fine. The tears were not there and I listened to the doctor and I left know that My God is in Control. WHAT AN AWESOME GOD! So Yes, He provided my my manna for yesterday. Can't wait to see my manna for today! I know it will be there - God doesn't forget and He hasn't forgotten me.
I have received lots of emails, facebook posts, facebook messages, phone calls and even text messages over the past couple of days. The support is Awesome! I do literally feel God's love at every turn and it is a wonderful source of strength.
I know that by now most of the people reading this have read about my dream. To say it is the first such dream is the truth. God has spoke to me before thru dreams and thru sudden words that pop in to my head that had to have come from him. I can tell you that last week I also had one of those word days. I have spent alot of time in prayer, time in His word and time just thinking. During one day last week, when tons of thing were running thru my head I remember clearly thinking the words "baby steps" When those words hit me, I literally thought to myself....where did that come from. Then I realized that they came from God. God is telling me that I may not know what tomorrow brings, I may not know where my Next step will lead me but this fight isn't about the finish line yet. It is about the journey and spending it with Him. I know that I mentioned this to my Mom when it occurred. I did feel reassurance from it and now other things have confirmed it as a God thing. So that is what I am doing taking Baby steps. Yes I wanna run - yes and sometimes in the other direction. I had such a short attack like that yesterday. But in that moment I found a quiet place, said a prayer and God met me there and gave me peace. (yes He will provide what we need when we need it).
- there is one other thing I need to share this morning. On Wednesday night prior to church I texted a friend of mine to ask if we could pull all the ladies at church together to pray together. I suggested that we do it prior to, during or after church. She texted me back and said - yes we could. Upon arrival, it was decided that it would occur at the end of the church service. So I went with my other daughters (Acteens) to our room and we had a prayer request/praise session. I told them my story and they proceed to lavish love on me. yes, I got roses and a huge Get Well card that I intend to keep with me thru out this fight. I love these girls and their heart for God. My friend, Kristy whom I had sent the text too came and got us all prior to the end of service. We all went up front. When it was time for the prayer - Kristy was asked to pray. For those of you that do not know Kristy, I will tell you that she is an awesome Woman of God. She love God, she loves His word and she plants it in her heart on a daily basis. She has been the single most influential person on me when it comes to reading the Bible from cover to cover and to memorizing scripture. (I love you Kristy). I knew when Kristy prayed this was not how she wanted it to happen. Yes, she arranged it but it was for someone else to pray. (Sorry) but she got the call on to voice the prayer and as I told her yesterday. That was a God thing too. Because right along with my word from God about Baby steps. Kristy quoted scripture in her prayers then prayer that God would provide me manna each day for my survival. Just like in the wilderness where God give His people what they needed on a daily basis, she ask him to give me what I needed on a daily basis. That is exactly what I needed to hear. That is the prayer I needed prayed. Because I know this journey will be filled with baby steps, I know that I will also need manna each day that is fresh and new and that God will provide that. Cause that is What He Does. He loves His Children and He provides for their needs. And yesterday, before I went to the oncologists' office, I had the thought to run - in the other direction. I vocalized the "Why me Lord?, the "take this cup from me Lord" and the "I just plain don't wanna do this God!" And do you wanna know what happen? I went right back to my office, Bent my head in prayer and said a prayer to the one who could hear. And He gave me peace, He gave me strength, He gave me composure. Yes I walked into the doctor's office and My heart rate was fine, my blood pressure was fine. The tears were not there and I listened to the doctor and I left know that My God is in Control. WHAT AN AWESOME GOD! So Yes, He provided my my manna for yesterday. Can't wait to see my manna for today! I know it will be there - God doesn't forget and He hasn't forgotten me.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My Dream about the Lion (Feb 15, 2011)
What follows is the exact email that I sent at 6:27am on Feb. 15, 2011, the morning after I had the dream during the night. I felt the need to tell someone and honestly can't tell you why I felt the need to tell only 1 person at that time. I have told others since and now I am telling everyone. What follows is probably the closest exact repetition of my dream. Since I wrote it that very morning. Kathy is a dear friend that I just met this year thru BSF. She started going to church with us a WMBC in the last 2 years and then in Sept. she called me to tell me she was my leader in Bible Study Fellowship. Our friendship and my love for her as a sister in Christ has grown immensely. I trust her and know that the words she speaks are God inspired. I have seen God speak thru her and stand amazed at her ability and willingness to allow him to speak to her. Well enough about that ....Here is my email that was sent and it includes the most detailed description of it. There were parts I had forgotten as I read it this morning but that is why I think I am writing...so I can look back and remember what God has done. O.K. Here Goes.....
Good Morning Kathy,
I just woke up from a dream and the first person I thought to tell was you. Hope you don't mind. I dreamed I went to a concert with a friend. I don't even know if this part means anything but the friend was a childhood friend from the church I grew up in. The coliseum we went to was like any other, I don't even know who we were there to see. There was a mix of music and I don't even know the type of music they were playing. Finally at the end of the concert the rapper Emimem came on except he did not sing a rap song. He was singing a really pretty song (singing not rapping). He then perceeded to walk off the stage and walked right over the top of us and then jumped off the ?acryllic walkway farther behind us. He kept singing the whole time then he went thru the crowd and was shaking hands. I held my hand out and the grabbed mine, looked directly at me for a moment then kept moving. The concert was over after this song. My friend was amazed that I touched him but I was not that concerned or amazed. The strangest thing happened next. This concert was not full there were lots of empty seats so when we left there were not alot of people filing out around us. We walked to our car and ended in a pasture to get to it. As we were walking I looked off in the distance and saw a Lion. He saw us and we started moving faster. Then a rather large dog came out from the woods and distracted the lion. I told my friend that while the dog had the lion distracted we should run to an old abandoned church and go inside. We went to the church but the doors were locked. So we walked off the porch to see where the dog and lion were. Not seeing them we decided to go to our car, as we walked to the car here came the dog. My thought was if the dog is still alive the lion probably is too. Although the dog was almost as big as the lion and even the same color I did not think he could take him. I finally looked to the right and there he was. The lion looking directly at me. I turned to face him and knowing this was the end, I told him to come on. I held my Bible up and told the lion that I was ready to see my Jesus. That he could do whatever he needed to do to survive because I was ready if this was my end. I opened my Bible and showed it to the lion, I told him about the scriptures in there and that these words are what I chose to believe......the lion stood there staring at me, not moving although at this point he was just feet from me. I told him about my love for God and that I sincerely thought with all my heart that I was going to be with him if he chose to eat me. I then closed my eyes and felt such peace. I decided to just praise God and let whatever happen happen. That is when I woke up. There was such peace in my soul facing the Lion.
With all that said:
I believe in dreams, I always have. I know Joseph interpreted dreams in the scriptures and the bible says in the last days men shall dream dreams. I have to believe that this dream is God delivered just for me. I felt the urge or need to tell one person and it is you. Don't ask me why but you are who I felt moved to tell at this time. For some reason I think I am going to face a Lion, but God was reassuring me.that the end result will be o.k. I don't know if the lion ate me or not but I just know I accepted whatever he was going to do and knew that above all things God Had ME!
I hope you don't think I am crazy, but I believe that you will not think that and that God led me to tell you for a reason. If in the future you see me facing a Lion, pray that I keep the faith and the strength needed to stand and face him. I don't have to fight this lion, I just have to face it and accept the outcome. In my dream, I started praying for my family to be o.k. with the outcome, I prayed for David for peace and strength, for Maggie for peace, strength, and protection in the future, and then for my mom. that is the part I woke up in. I said it was in praises but I think I started my praises after my dream turned blank. When I awoke, I actually wondered if I was praising Him out loud at that point.
How strange that it started at a concert, that emimen was singing (i don't even listen to him - I only know the name of one of his songs and could not even tell you the words of that one). Anyway....what ever it means. I pray that I stand firm in God, believe in his promises and trust him in whatever and in where ever He leads.
Good Morning Kathy,
I just woke up from a dream and the first person I thought to tell was you. Hope you don't mind. I dreamed I went to a concert with a friend. I don't even know if this part means anything but the friend was a childhood friend from the church I grew up in. The coliseum we went to was like any other, I don't even know who we were there to see. There was a mix of music and I don't even know the type of music they were playing. Finally at the end of the concert the rapper Emimem came on except he did not sing a rap song. He was singing a really pretty song (singing not rapping). He then perceeded to walk off the stage and walked right over the top of us and then jumped off the ?acryllic walkway farther behind us. He kept singing the whole time then he went thru the crowd and was shaking hands. I held my hand out and the grabbed mine, looked directly at me for a moment then kept moving. The concert was over after this song. My friend was amazed that I touched him but I was not that concerned or amazed. The strangest thing happened next. This concert was not full there were lots of empty seats so when we left there were not alot of people filing out around us. We walked to our car and ended in a pasture to get to it. As we were walking I looked off in the distance and saw a Lion. He saw us and we started moving faster. Then a rather large dog came out from the woods and distracted the lion. I told my friend that while the dog had the lion distracted we should run to an old abandoned church and go inside. We went to the church but the doors were locked. So we walked off the porch to see where the dog and lion were. Not seeing them we decided to go to our car, as we walked to the car here came the dog. My thought was if the dog is still alive the lion probably is too. Although the dog was almost as big as the lion and even the same color I did not think he could take him. I finally looked to the right and there he was. The lion looking directly at me. I turned to face him and knowing this was the end, I told him to come on. I held my Bible up and told the lion that I was ready to see my Jesus. That he could do whatever he needed to do to survive because I was ready if this was my end. I opened my Bible and showed it to the lion, I told him about the scriptures in there and that these words are what I chose to believe......the lion stood there staring at me, not moving although at this point he was just feet from me. I told him about my love for God and that I sincerely thought with all my heart that I was going to be with him if he chose to eat me. I then closed my eyes and felt such peace. I decided to just praise God and let whatever happen happen. That is when I woke up. There was such peace in my soul facing the Lion.
With all that said:
I believe in dreams, I always have. I know Joseph interpreted dreams in the scriptures and the bible says in the last days men shall dream dreams. I have to believe that this dream is God delivered just for me. I felt the urge or need to tell one person and it is you. Don't ask me why but you are who I felt moved to tell at this time. For some reason I think I am going to face a Lion, but God was reassuring me.that the end result will be o.k. I don't know if the lion ate me or not but I just know I accepted whatever he was going to do and knew that above all things God Had ME!
I hope you don't think I am crazy, but I believe that you will not think that and that God led me to tell you for a reason. If in the future you see me facing a Lion, pray that I keep the faith and the strength needed to stand and face him. I don't have to fight this lion, I just have to face it and accept the outcome. In my dream, I started praying for my family to be o.k. with the outcome, I prayed for David for peace and strength, for Maggie for peace, strength, and protection in the future, and then for my mom. that is the part I woke up in. I said it was in praises but I think I started my praises after my dream turned blank. When I awoke, I actually wondered if I was praising Him out loud at that point.
How strange that it started at a concert, that emimen was singing (i don't even listen to him - I only know the name of one of his songs and could not even tell you the words of that one). Anyway....what ever it means. I pray that I stand firm in God, believe in his promises and trust him in whatever and in where ever He leads.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Here We Go!
Oh what peace I already feel in even beginning to write my story down. So I know it is a God thing. He wants me to do this....so I will. Before I start I will go ahead and tell you that the days to come will be the telling of a love story. Nope not a harlequin romance or any hollywood movie. But the story of a girl who grows in to adulthood and as she grows her love for her creator grows even more. God has always been there for me. Of that I am completely convinced. I have said over the past couple of days that He knew me before I was born, He knows me now and only He knows the day that He will call me home to meet him. Oh what a blessed day that will be. I will not write a whole lot right now because church beckons. Yes it is Wednesday night and off to church I go. So stay posted. I have a story I need to tell. It is one worth repeating and it is the Awesome story of God's love for me and the love that He has for you if you will just open your hearts, eyes and minds to receive it and experience it.
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