Tumor Markers are down......PRAISE THE LORD

I went today to have my pump taken off and my tumor markers are down.  I am currently at 1945 having started at over 9000.  That's progress.  That's God!  He's still working and He's not done with me yet.  I thank Him for all He has done for me.  He is so Good.  He is meeting all my needs mentally, physically and spiritually.  He is an Awesome God! 

If you do not know Him or trust Him, please rethink that.  I couldn't be on this journey without Him.  He is walking with me everyday.  I am not worthy of His love but He loves me and is continuing to bless me.  Thank you Lord for your blessings on me.

On a last note, I can't wait to pick up Maggie from camp tomorrow.  I sure have missed her this week but I know she has had a good time at camp.  Can't wait to give her my news. She will be happy.

Thanks again for all the prayers.  This blog is proof that they are working!  So.....

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy

God is here everyday

This is part of my Jesus calling devotion for today.  (this devotion you read as if Jesus is speaking to you directly:
Anxiety stems from asking the wrong question:  "If such and such happens, can I handle it?" 
The true question is not whether you can cope with whatever happens, but whether you and I together can handle anything that occurs.  It is this you and I together factor that gives you confidence to face the day cheerfully. 

Starting the day off with God makes any day better.  I know this to be true.  So glad He meets me in the mornings and stays with me all day long.  God is good.  God is great! 

Just as an fyi about chemo, they increased one of my chemo drugs yesterday.  I feel o.k today a little nauseated but I have pills for that and they seem to be working.  I keep praying that this chemo that is running thru my veins is killing the cancer.  I guess I will find out from my chemo markers tomorrow if we have gone down any or not.  (I hope so)  It would be a great thing to tell my Maggie when I pick her up at camp on Friday.  Can't wait to see her.  She makes me smile just by being Maggie and I miss here when she is not around but wouldn't deny her the opportunity to go to camp for anything in the world.  I loved camp myself as a child. 

Thanks for all the prayers on chemo day and every day.

Keep on Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

Computer issues

There has been a delay in me writing because right now I don't have as much computer access.  My computer charger cord quit working and I couldn't charge it.  Maggie has her own laptop but between her and Olga using it I am the 3rd in line.  David has a laptop and I get on it some but haven't taken the time to blog.  So here I sit while he is at scouts blogging.  I took my computer to the geeks at the Geek Squad and they suggested a new one.  (Yay Me).......so I am getting a new one......tomorrow possibly.

Nothing new is going on right now.  I feel good other than my body being physically weak.  I can't move as fast as I used to.  My right hand is still feeling half asleep most of the time - that is a result of the chemo - too bad I am right handed.  So far the right hand issue hasn't stopped me from doing anything.  I can still write, type and use it for the most part.  Pray that it continues to cooperate.

Tomorrow is chemo day.   I am o.k. with that.  It is a fact of life for me right now and it is what is killing this cancer....so Let's Go to Chemo!  I still appreciate all the prayers I can get on chemo day.  Pray for strength, no sickness, and quick recovery.  I am supposed to go to the mountains next Tuesday and I really want to get there.

One other thought, God is Good and I don't know why He loves me so much.  I know that there are those that don't understand His love completely.  I don't understand it completely but I know that anytime I pray even when I am upset with him....I finish my prayers feeling his complete love for me.  Thank you God for loving me!  Thank you for your Son!  Thank you for your Spirit!  If you don't think He loves you spend some time in His word and in Prayer.  I promise you if you let Him he will drown you in His love.  You have to be open to it and want it and then He will pour it on. 


 One other thing....My cell number has changed.  I have sent texts out but I am not sure everyone got it.  The new number is 919-208-0109.  The other number that some have is my work cell number and I need to get everyone using the new number because I will be turning the work cell in shortly. 

Love you all,

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy

Funny Question

I was thinking yesterday morning after I went outside and thought I had been bit by a mosquito......if a mosquito bites me right now will it die?  I have chemotherapy running thru my veins and I wouldn't think that would be good to the health of an insect that is so little.  Not that I am concerned for the little pests mind you.  Just wondering if they can survive biting me now.  ???? I'll let you know if one happens to land on me and falls over on my arm : )

Today has been a good day again.  Went with Maggie and Olga to my mom's house and from there we took them bowling.  They had fun and my nephew Brandon won both times.  His first game he had 3 strikes.  Way to go Brandon.  I would have liked to have bowled but don't think I have the strength for a whole game.  Anyway, it was fun to watch them have fun.  We left there and went to Walmart.  I don't think there is ever a reason not to go to Walmart.  If you are bored.....go to Walmart....why not.

Well, we are at the weekend.  I don't know what we have planned other than hang out here on Saturday and on Sunday go to church and take Maggie to camp.  I am gonna miss her but wouldn't let her miss camp.  I loved camp growing up and attended camp from the time I was 10 till I was 20 probably.  I loved summer church camp.  It was always a great time.  And I, like Maggie went right by myself most years and just made friends when I got there.  I was a year or two older than everyone at my church so I was in different camps than they were but that was o.k.  Once you got there everyone was your friend.  That's how it is with Maggie and I am thankful for that.  She makes friends very easily.

Well, let me go.  I have a belarussian child looking over my shoulder saying "whatcha doing?"  My answer "writing" to which she walked away.  I really think she wants this computer. 

Thanks for all the prayers.....keep them coming and keep looking up. 

Tammy

I'm still here

Didn't know it had been Monday since I posted anything.  Nothing has changed in my life.  Still staying at home with the girls during the day.  We ventured out to my mom's on Wednesday and hung out with her and that is what we have planned to do tomorrow.  Maggie is packing for camp next week.  (she can't wait). 

I have chemo next on Tuesday.  Back to the every other Tuesday thing.  It's funny how when I am feeling good on the off chemo week that I wonder if there isn't something else I could be doing to stop this stuff.  It just seems like a waste of time but then I know my body could not take an every week chemo.  I would be totally worn out if that were the case.  As it is my body feels tired alot of the time.  I can walk and do things but I can tell my body doesn't have the get up and go it used to.  Last night when we got home from church it was pouring rain so we ran inside.  Ran (ha) my body won't move that fast and those big drops were landing right on my scalp.  My hair has gotten so thin that the water could make direct contact.  What a feeling!  Time for a hat huh??? 

Well that's all I got for now.  God is Good and He's still working on Me!  (I know this to be true)

Love you all!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Tammy

Girls

Today has been a good day.  I have felt pretty good and except for being a little weaker than the old me and being unable to eat what use to be good food it has been a good day.  Oh well, my toast, applesauce, cereal and pasta salads will have to do for now.  At least there is something in my stomach and I am content.  Oops almost forgot a wonderful watermelon.  David saw the watermelon that had been cut up in the grocery store and oh my goodness.  We bought a pack of "heart of watermelon" that was cut into squares and we ate it on the way home from the grocery store.  It was so good and it was actually cold.  Didn't know the refrigerated area of fruit section worked that well.  Well enough about food.

I had a house full of girls for most of the day.  With Maggie and Olga here they are entertainment but then 2 friends came over and we had a house full.  From pool time to just plain play time it was fun watching them and at least occupied my time since David was helping a friend work today.  I wish I had their energy and loved their giggles and happy laughter.  It was Great! 

Next, can I say that on Sunday I got the message very clearly from several different places that "Joy comes in the morning".  I know that at times I get down from all the stuff going on in my life but God sent me reassurance on Sunday about the joy that results from serving and trusting in him.  Yes, Life is not exactly fair it seems and I don't know the future but it doesn't matter.  I don't need to know the future, I only have to trust him for one day at a time.  He will meet me every morning and stay with me all day through.  Life may seem uncertain right now because each day brings something different but I can be reassured that it will all end in joy!  I feel that very strongly.  Joy will come in the morning!  I have asked God to heal me and know that alot of people are asking him to do the same thing.  I have even asked him to tell me if he would ......today, tomorrow or next month, and have not received an answer.  The only thing I know for certain is that He is God and he is helping me everyday.  And my answer Sunday morning was that Joy will come in the morning!!!!!  I love you God and that joy is already in my heart just from knowing you. 

One more thing!  Can I say that due to being out of work and not knowing the financial future of my life during some of this time I have had my doubts about things.  I don't know why I doubt things because God has been there every step of the way.  Go God!  If you knew the details of it all you would be amazed too but suffice it to say that God Has This!  He has All of THIS!  And I should never doubt him again.  If you hear me say that I do doubt him, or if I write something that makes you think I am doubting God.....feel free to remind me of this entry in my blog.  God amazes me! 

Enough for today......Love you all!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

A Piece Of Cake

A Piece of Cake !

Sometimes we ask ourselves: What did I do to deserve this?

Why does GOD let these things happen to me?
...Here is the explanation...

Daughter tells her mother how everything is going wrong for her; she failed her math exam, her boyfriend just dumped her, her best friend does not want her.
In times so bad, the good mother knows just the thing to cheer up her daughter...
I will make a delicious cake for you...
saying so the mother hugged her daughter and walked her into the kitchen, while her daughter attempted to smile.
While the mother prepared the utensils and ingredients, the daughter sat across the counter.
Her mother asks her 'Sweetheart would you like a piece of cake?'
The daughter replies, 'Sure Mom, you know how I love cake!'
'Alright' the mother said, 'drink some of this cooking oil.'
Shocked, the daughter responded, "what, no way!!!"
'How about a couple of raw eggs?' to this the daughter responded, "no way!"
'How about some flour?' no mom, "I will be sick!"
The mother responded, 'All of these are uncooked and taste bad, but if you put them together, THEY MAKE A DELICIOUS CAKE!!!'
GOD works the same way. When we ask ourselves why he makes us go through these difficult times, we don't realize what/where these events lead us to. Only he knows and he will not let us fall. We don't need to settle for the raw ingredients, trust in him and see the fantastic thing come about!

God loves us so much...
He sends us lovely flowers every spring...
He makes the sun rise every morning...
Anytime you need to talk, he is there to listen...
He can live anywhere, but he chose to live in your heart!!!
And keep the HOPE that one day, your day is
"A piece of CAKE!!!"

???

Don't have much to say today.  I have been feeling a little weak lately and don't know why.  They told me at the Cancer Center it could be the cumulative effect of the chemo catching up with me.  I got my Neulasta shot today to boost my immune system.  Last time that made me feel better.  Don't know if the shot did it last time or if it was just me feeling better but maybe in a day or two I will perk up.  Pray for strength for me. 

You know I still have some weepy times that hit at random.  It hit in the cancer center today.  Don't know why.  Sometimes everything hits all at one time.  What's going on in my body, what's going on in my life, how everything has changed and the uncertainty of what's gonna happen in the future.  Just like that it will hit, I will cry and then I am o.k.  I guess it is the mind and body's way of dealing with things.  Today was a short cry.  As soon as the tears came they went.  Maybe its getting easier to reassure myself that everything will be o.k.  Cause everything is gonna be o.k.  Reminds me of a song......

Everythings gonna be, be allright,
Everythings gonna be, be allright,
Since the Lord came down and saved my soul,
Everything has been allright.

I love God and I know He loves me and He is working all of this out in His Way in His Time and according to His Will.

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up

Tammy

Home Alone

Home alone while Maggie and David go pick up Olga for 6 weeks.  Should be a fun filled 6 weeks to come.  At least Maggie won't be bored.  For those that don't know Olga she is our child that we have brought from Belarus the past 2 summers so this makes it her 3 summer with us.  I am looking forward to seeing her.  Didn't think I could make the journey although sitting here I have had no problems with my chemo this time (Praise the Lord) but with my lower WBC's didn't want to expose myself in the airport to international germs.  That and my pump is still running. 

Nothing special going on right now.  No new news to say.  God is still Good, He always has been good and always will be good.  How awesome is that .  I love God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess I will get busy doing something like folding clothes (UGH) 

Love you all

Keep Praying and Keep Looking up!

Tammy

All the way to Calvary

All the way to Calvary, He went for me, He went for me, He went for me, All the way to Calvary He went for me, He went to set me free.  And though I had so many, many sins Jesus took them all a way and He pardon me.  And though I had so many, many sins Jesus took them all a way and He pardon me.  (singing in my head and now typing it out.)  What a Glorious savior!  And YES I AM GONNA PRAISE HIM!

I qualified for chemo today.  Yay Me!  Got the pump sitting beside me and my computer for the rest of the chemo to go in over the next 40plus hours.  Will go back on Thursday to get a shot to boost my White Blood Cells.  (a $10,000 shot)  Thank God for insurance huh???  Any way that is my day.

I am still singing How Great thou Art......cause He is Great and I am letting the joy of the Lord flow thru my soul just like a water faucet that has been left turned on.  Don't get close to me if you don't wanna get wet.  I might just splash you with some living water that will put joy in your soul too. 

Love you all and may God Bless each and everyone one of you!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP! 

I lift my eyes until the hills, where does my help come from, my help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth.  (That's why we keep looking up)

Tammy

Still Praising!

I am still praising God over my news from Friday so when the choir started out with How Great Thou Art/How Great is Our God, I lost it.  My God is so great and everything that is happening in my life is a result of His love for me.  I do not know why He loves me so much but I am amazed and in awe of His love for me.  God is Good all the time and He has been especially good to me.  I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I wished everyone knew the REAL God.  That He is actively working in our lives each day.  I know alot of people go to church.  They sing of God, they pray to God but do they experience God, do they rely on God and do they fully trust him to provide from day to day.  I find at this point in my life the need to trust him everyday.  O how I love HIM and Oh How He loves me!  Yes Markers down from 9,000 to start with to 2900 now.  That's GOD!!!!!!!!!!!  LOVE YA!

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!

Tammy

Praise

Just got off the phone just a short bit ago and my tumor markers are down to 2900.  (Last check 4600).  The MRI last night showed that my tumors on my pancreas and liver are shrinking.  PRAISE THE LORD.  With that said, I couldn't have my chemo this week due to my WBC's being low and I was scheduled for 2 weeks from now.  The doctor decided that we need to get back to chemo, so now I am scheduled for chemo on Monday next week.  Let's get all of this knocked out......God is so Good and I have been shedding tears of happiness. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Love you all

Tammy

Get off Google

I had a wake up call from a dear cousin yesterday.  She is concerned about me and Loves me a whole lot and the feeling is mutual.  We are close in age and she has her own health concerns that she has been dealing with for a couple of years so she has been through some of the feelings I am experiencing.  So she sent me a text yesterday and told be to quit looking up all this stuff about my disease and to get back to my favorite book.  Slap my hands or even bop me upside of the head cause you know Thanks I needed that!  Not even being funny.  She is exactly right.  I needed that.  I do need to quit looking at all the processes, the survivors, the treatments, the complications.  I know enough now to know this disease that I can quit fixating on it and get back to HIS WORD.   His Word is where the answers lie, so I can quit looking elsewhere.  Thanks Cheryl.  That's was sent from HIM thru you and I really needed it.  God is good and I am so glad He is Patient. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up and I will do the same and start Digging into His Word. 

Love You All

Tammy

Moms with Cancer

I have done a lot of googling once again.  Seems I am hung up on all the emotions of my daughter getting older and finishing elementary school.  With my diagnosis hanging over my head I have to wonder how may other milestones I will get to see.  (If you are reading please stop crying> you're making me cry ; )  I know we are not guaranteed anything in life and I could just as easily be taken in a car crash today but there is something more about a real possibility that is nagging at me.  I have prayed, I have talked and I have cried this out with Jesus over the past couple of days.  He has assured me that He has Maggie.  Maggie is only on loan to me.  She's not mine, never has been she is His!!!!  He gave her to me to raise, to love, to teach and to hold as long as I am needed.  If I am taken from her life early it is because it is o.k........He's got it under control.  My job will have been finished.  She will always have my love, my lessons, my laugh, and my personality to that have affected her to become the child - adult she will become.  My job is to love her while I have her.  To make the most of everyday with her.  To let her know she is loved every single day and to make her aware of how special she is to me.  If you have children, I encourage you to do the same.  You may not have cancer but you do not have a guarantee of how much time you have with your child.  Make the most of every minute with your gift from God! 

Love you God and I don't know why you love me so much that you would take the time to work all this stuff out in my head with me.  I know I tire you sometimes, I know I am just like the israelites in the wilderness.  Thank you for your patience, thank you for your love, thank you for your strength, thank your for your word.  thank you for all you do for me.  I AM NOT WORTHY!!!!!  BUT THANK YOU!  cause you are there, you hold my hand, you fill my soul, you dry my tears, you hear my cries, and you always provide support.....not always answers but you support me in my questions and tears.  Love you God!!!!!!  and Oh How I Know You Love Me!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up

Love you All,
Tammy

Don't know what to write.

It's Sunday afternoon and I really don't have a clue what to blog about.  It has been a good weekend.  I really enjoyed yesterday.  Going places as a family, David, myself and Maggie yesterday really meant more to me than they know.  It felt normal again.  We went to Raleigh to AC Moore, then to Cary to Barnes and Noble, to Garner to Kick Back Jacks and then just ran into Lowe's Food to pick up a few things.  All 3 of us in a car going here and there.  They might even think I am crazy for thinking this was great.  Too many days I don't feel normal anymore.  Maybe the weekends are good for me because they make me feel normal.  On Saturday, Maggie is out of school so I get to hang out with her.  Other people are off so there is chances of seeing them.  On Sundays, there is church to occupy my time.  That's normal for me.  Seeing my friends, seeing my family, spending time with them doing family things.  Weekdays are long.  Its spending days at home with an occasional trip to the Walmart, grocery store or Lowes.  It Maggie at school and David sometimes off doing work.  It's me sitting in a chair at times playing on the computer.  I miss going to work.  (yes I said that).  I miss getting up early to do my Bible study, then get a shower and get ready for work.  Getting Maggie up for school and then taking her to the bus stop.  Once she was on the bus I went to work.  I miss coming home and starting supper after I got home because Maggie is Starving!!!  I miss all the stuff that goes on at work everyday.  I miss being able to eat what I want to when I want to.  I miss being NORMAL.  I no longer can just pull into a drive thru and know what I wanna order.  This has changed life for me.  I am not complaining....just going thru an acceptance period of life now.  Maybe one day if chemo ever ends then food will be normal again.  This neuropathy in my right hand will be gone.  And things will change back to normal.  But really I don't think my normal will ever be the same again.  Its o.k.........I'm All Right!  I accept this as a part of life and that I have to face it with courage, strength and the knowledge that God is there.  All of this takes me back to my dream.  My job is to face the LION!!!  To face my God!  Even when I get upset about the personal changes in my life, I am not upset with God.  I can't explain this.  I still will say I don't know how this will end but I know MY GOD WILL BE AT THE END because He is a Forever God.  I feel positive about this one fact in my life.  In the end, everything will be all right!  I feel it so strongly even right now as I type this, I could almost shout Hallelujah.  My God has This!  I know He has This!  And whatever the end He will be With ME!  Oh How I love Him and Oh How He loves Me MORE.  God Is So GOOD!!!!!!!  Well, that went from nothing to write to me smiling and being glad I wrote.  That's a God thing and it's not the first time He's prompted me to do that.  Just Write Tammy......Just Write!!!!!  So I did and I am Blessed.  Thank YOU GOD, JESUS AND HOLY GHOST!  LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL

TAMMY ANN WRIGHT 

Oh How He Loves ME!

Jesus loves me this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  YES JESUS LOVES ME....YES JESUS LOVES ME, YES JESUS LOVES for the Bible tells me so.  I am amazed with the love He has for me.  How do I know He loves me.  Answered prayers.  My drainage tube coming out was answered prayers.  Finding out that 2 different people were praying for me to have peace at times that I needed Peace is a God thing and proves that He loves me.  It is amazing to hear that God placed it on some one's heart to all of a sudden pray for me.  I was told that twice if not 3 times over the past couple of days.  Thank you God for your love.  Thank you for obedient people that will pray when they feel the tug to pray. I felt peace at times when I could have been stressed out.  Yes I was stressed at times too.  I will not say I was the princess of peace cause I was not.  I was afraid, I was fearful and I asked why Me?  But God was there!  and that is how I know that He loves me.  O' How He Loves Me........and you know what He loves you too! 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

Update on Tammy

Here's my update or my PRAISE!  I went to Duke on Wednesday morning for my study.  It was to check the flow of biliary fluid thru my liver and to determine if my drain that I had in needed to be exchanged.  I went thru the procedure, which was quite painful at times and as a result of my response during the procedure they decided to keep me over night.  They did place a stint in my liver at this time also.  My HR increased, Oxygen levels dropped and I developed chills and they decided to keep me to give me iv antibiotics and to control my pain.  This was a little upsetting because I wanted to go home.  They left a catheter in my side to recheck the flow this morning and if all was well and I behaved while I was in radiology they would let me go home.  So this morning I went back down, and with God's help I behaved and I came home without a catheter in my side at all.  YAY GOD!

This was a prayer of mine, I think of my whole family but I also asked God that if this would be something that I would need in the future to leave it in.  I know He knows the future where I do not and I didn't want a catheter out because I wanted it out if I was gonna need it.  So all that said, I made it thru a painful test, got the result I wanted and have teased Maggie that now I could go buy a bikini so we could go to the water park this summer.  She wants to go to Jungle Rapids at least once each year but I wasn't sure how fun that would be this year wearing long pants and a tshirt.  I was pretty certain the staff or people there having fun were not going to want to see a lady running about in her bathing suit with a bag hanging on her leg.  (Haha.....how pretty a sight is that).   So now the capris and shorts can return for me!  YAY  that makes me happy on these 99degree days.  (its' the little things in life sometimes that make us happy).

So thank you God for answered prayers.  Thank you for holding my hand.  Thank you for being there when I called on you today.  I know your presence was in that testing room both days and I specifically know you were there today.  I sensed your presence.  God, You are Awesome!  Truly you are!!!!

Thanks Mom and David for hanging by my side, supporting me thru tears and just giving a word of encouragement when I needed it.  Thanks also to Pastor Jimmy for being there.  Your prayers and support to my family have always been greatly appreciated.  And to my own Pastor who had agreed with me in prayer.....our God is Good!  He proved it again - didn't HE?  Love you all!

As for all the blog followers, friends, family and facebook friends....God is Good.  He is working.  Thanks for all your prayers, support and the love that I feel each and every day. 

And thanks again to Kristy G (my press agent) when there is good news to pass on it's impossible to catch everyone so Kristy very nicely send out the emails for me.  It is greatly appreciated......more than she will every know.....thank you Kristy!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!!

Tammy