Just a prayer request today. Remember me tomorrow as I go to Duke to have them evaluate the flow thru my liver. They will see if the stints are working properly and evaluate the drain that I have in my side to see if it is working, if I need it at all or if it needs replacement. My wish is for it to be removed but I am seeking God's will cause He knows the future and I don't. I have to there at 830. Pray for safe travels there and back, physician wisdom, and pain to be managed during procedure. (yes, I want the sedation to work). I will post an update tomorrow evening if I can. Thanks for the prayers.
Keep praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Monday, monday......
I do have a bit of good news today. I think part of my weepiness may be medication induced. I had been having problems sleeping so my doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien. Side effects of this medication is depressing thoughts. Well, I had taken it nightly since Tuesday so last night I held off on taking it. I felt much better today thought wise. I have not cried except when I prayed and that crying is normal for me. So I will be taking that drug only in extreme circumstances when I feel that I haven't been getting the sleep I need and only a night at a time. Thanks for all the prayers and the uplifting comments that resulted from my post. Yes, I will still get weepy eyed over all of this sometimes without the assistance of medication but that's o.k. God sees those tears and he knows why they are falling.
I have spent alot of time today googling Pancreatic Cancer. It is so sad that this cancer is so difficult to detect. Almost everyone gets their diagnosis too late to do the most aggressive type of treatment. I think that the research wheels are turning and there will be changes in the future. Everything I have read reassures me that what I am doing is the best for the type of cancer that I have. That my treatment is the best and the steps we are taking are the best for what I have going on. I truly think God is giving me the tools that He wants me to use and I am to use them. I think if this changes, He will let me know. I truly trust Him to do that.
Well that's all I have for today. Thanks to all the people that are bringing meals to my family. To be honest, I can't take the smells of cooking due to nausea, although I have managed to cook scrambled eggs (they don't smell) and cook noodles which I can eat without problems. I am sorry to say that I eat very little of what is brought but David and Maggie really appreciate it. It is kinda sad to go to the grocery store and see all the foods you would love to buy but know you're not gonna be able to eat them as long as you are on chemo. Potato chips (how I loved you).....gone. Everything is so salty. I did eat a little of my mom's baked spaghetti today (yes it was salty too and she added no extra salt). That was my lunch. Supper was a banana sandwich (got that potassium in) and if you want to know breakfast was honey nut cheerios minus the milk (we were out but we got some today). That's all I have eaten at this point. Some days I am hungry and some days I am not. I try to make the most of the hungry days. And sometimes we slip off to Cook Out for milkshakes, Jd's for ice cream or Hills of Snow for shaved ice. That's after the one chemo drug that makes my mouth cold sensitive wears out usually by the weekend after chemo on Tuesday. Actually all this cold sweet stuff tastes normal and is actually good to me. Kinda like cherry KoolAid is my favorite drink now. (Good stuff). I hope I don't bore you with all of this but its my life and I am blogging it because I feel the need to.
This scripture comes from my daily devotional for today. Seems like a good one to plant in my heart especially after my period of weepiness. Ps 119:28
Once again thanks for your prayers.....keep'em coming.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you All
Tammy My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
I have spent alot of time today googling Pancreatic Cancer. It is so sad that this cancer is so difficult to detect. Almost everyone gets their diagnosis too late to do the most aggressive type of treatment. I think that the research wheels are turning and there will be changes in the future. Everything I have read reassures me that what I am doing is the best for the type of cancer that I have. That my treatment is the best and the steps we are taking are the best for what I have going on. I truly think God is giving me the tools that He wants me to use and I am to use them. I think if this changes, He will let me know. I truly trust Him to do that.
Well that's all I have for today. Thanks to all the people that are bringing meals to my family. To be honest, I can't take the smells of cooking due to nausea, although I have managed to cook scrambled eggs (they don't smell) and cook noodles which I can eat without problems. I am sorry to say that I eat very little of what is brought but David and Maggie really appreciate it. It is kinda sad to go to the grocery store and see all the foods you would love to buy but know you're not gonna be able to eat them as long as you are on chemo. Potato chips (how I loved you).....gone. Everything is so salty. I did eat a little of my mom's baked spaghetti today (yes it was salty too and she added no extra salt). That was my lunch. Supper was a banana sandwich (got that potassium in) and if you want to know breakfast was honey nut cheerios minus the milk (we were out but we got some today). That's all I have eaten at this point. Some days I am hungry and some days I am not. I try to make the most of the hungry days. And sometimes we slip off to Cook Out for milkshakes, Jd's for ice cream or Hills of Snow for shaved ice. That's after the one chemo drug that makes my mouth cold sensitive wears out usually by the weekend after chemo on Tuesday. Actually all this cold sweet stuff tastes normal and is actually good to me. Kinda like cherry KoolAid is my favorite drink now. (Good stuff). I hope I don't bore you with all of this but its my life and I am blogging it because I feel the need to.
This scripture comes from my daily devotional for today. Seems like a good one to plant in my heart especially after my period of weepiness. Ps 119:28
Once again thanks for your prayers.....keep'em coming.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you All
Tammy My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Day by day
Good Afternoon,
Maybe I have my problem with logging into this blog figured out. I got in this afternoon anyway. YAY!
I wish I could say my life has been all sunshine and roses lately and that I have been Mrs. Positive but I can't say that. I must admit that I am probably letting God down a little lately and I ask Him to forgive me. It gets a little tough some days to see the sunshine or to see God in all this and I let the blues get the best of me. I start crying for no reason it seems sometimes and other times it is for reasons. Please pray for me to stop letting negative thoughts take over. God has been so good to me and I know He is here all the time. I know He is working even now and although I know this I can't plant it in my head. I can't quite keep it there. I know He can heal me, I know He could do this today, tomorrow or a year from now. I also know He may choose not to heal me and while I pray His will Be Done. I haven't quite come to the acceptance of His Will. Not of His complete Will. Maybe that's my issue. I have to come into acceptance of His Complete Will and realize that It may not and probably will not happen over night, over weeks or months even. I love God that much I do know. I know that He is my Savior, My redeemer, My Deliverer, My Provider, My Healer, My All in All. He is an Awesome God and He Loves ME so much. Oh, that I could love Him as much as He loves me. I am sorry if this is a little bit deep for you but if it touches you in any way......please pray for me. Pray for the positive vibe to start back flowing, pray for my trust in God to increase, Pray for me to take it one day at a time knowing that God WILL provide the manna I need for each day. Pray for me on Wednesday....
I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check this drain that is in my side. Please remember me that day. I think that is partly the reason why I am so weepy.....uncertainty and fear. And that is the opposite of trust and belief in God. That is temporary atheism. I don't wanna not believe in God. I wanna trust and believe 24/7. Please Pray with me!!!! Thanks
Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!
Maybe I have my problem with logging into this blog figured out. I got in this afternoon anyway. YAY!
I wish I could say my life has been all sunshine and roses lately and that I have been Mrs. Positive but I can't say that. I must admit that I am probably letting God down a little lately and I ask Him to forgive me. It gets a little tough some days to see the sunshine or to see God in all this and I let the blues get the best of me. I start crying for no reason it seems sometimes and other times it is for reasons. Please pray for me to stop letting negative thoughts take over. God has been so good to me and I know He is here all the time. I know He is working even now and although I know this I can't plant it in my head. I can't quite keep it there. I know He can heal me, I know He could do this today, tomorrow or a year from now. I also know He may choose not to heal me and while I pray His will Be Done. I haven't quite come to the acceptance of His Will. Not of His complete Will. Maybe that's my issue. I have to come into acceptance of His Complete Will and realize that It may not and probably will not happen over night, over weeks or months even. I love God that much I do know. I know that He is my Savior, My redeemer, My Deliverer, My Provider, My Healer, My All in All. He is an Awesome God and He Loves ME so much. Oh, that I could love Him as much as He loves me. I am sorry if this is a little bit deep for you but if it touches you in any way......please pray for me. Pray for the positive vibe to start back flowing, pray for my trust in God to increase, Pray for me to take it one day at a time knowing that God WILL provide the manna I need for each day. Pray for me on Wednesday....
I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check this drain that is in my side. Please remember me that day. I think that is partly the reason why I am so weepy.....uncertainty and fear. And that is the opposite of trust and belief in God. That is temporary atheism. I don't wanna not believe in God. I wanna trust and believe 24/7. Please Pray with me!!!! Thanks
Tammy
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sorry the delay
For some reason I can't get my computer to let me on the blog site. It will not let me post and I don't know why. So I am on David's computer. Thanks for the hint mom.
Since I posted life has been o.k. Chemo was not too bad. Haven't felt much like eating but trying to make sure I eat anyway. I actually ate a Nacho Bellgrande today. It was o.k. .....salty. David couldn't believe I ordered it but I get so tired of eating the same things all the time. It would have been better with unsalted chips. Oh well. As far as regular life, I am a little bored lately. There has not been alot going on and I get a little lonesome sometimes when David has stuff to do and Maggie is at school and its just me and this house. Yes, I make phone calls, I play on the computer, I read, attempt crochet and try to do anything to get myself occupied but sometimes I am bored. Sometimes I get weepy to ......don't know why and at times it is out of the blue .....like right now. Please pray for me. I love God and He loves me but I just get tired sometimes and cry. I know he sees the tears, I know he hears my prayers, and I know He loves me but it not time to know the answer yet. He has reassured me in several ways this week about some issues I was worried about. If He will help me in some things why would I not think he will help me in all things, how quickly like the Israelites do I forget the reassurance he gave me yesterday when I am looking at today's problems. I am as stubborn as the Israelites if not more so than they were. I pray God will help me daily remember His blessings and daily look to him. I feel that I am looking at him daily but it is not full in His wonderful face because I get distracted to easily. God is all I need and all this other stuff is just that stuff. Why can't I let him handle it all. Well, I am working on getting there....as I said pray for me. Also I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check my liver out again. I have mixed emotions about that one. If I come home without my drain, I will be happy. If I come home with more issues....not so happy. So once again PRAY
I love you all.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
dalsnlabs@yahoo.com (in case you wanna email me)
Since I posted life has been o.k. Chemo was not too bad. Haven't felt much like eating but trying to make sure I eat anyway. I actually ate a Nacho Bellgrande today. It was o.k. .....salty. David couldn't believe I ordered it but I get so tired of eating the same things all the time. It would have been better with unsalted chips. Oh well. As far as regular life, I am a little bored lately. There has not been alot going on and I get a little lonesome sometimes when David has stuff to do and Maggie is at school and its just me and this house. Yes, I make phone calls, I play on the computer, I read, attempt crochet and try to do anything to get myself occupied but sometimes I am bored. Sometimes I get weepy to ......don't know why and at times it is out of the blue .....like right now. Please pray for me. I love God and He loves me but I just get tired sometimes and cry. I know he sees the tears, I know he hears my prayers, and I know He loves me but it not time to know the answer yet. He has reassured me in several ways this week about some issues I was worried about. If He will help me in some things why would I not think he will help me in all things, how quickly like the Israelites do I forget the reassurance he gave me yesterday when I am looking at today's problems. I am as stubborn as the Israelites if not more so than they were. I pray God will help me daily remember His blessings and daily look to him. I feel that I am looking at him daily but it is not full in His wonderful face because I get distracted to easily. God is all I need and all this other stuff is just that stuff. Why can't I let him handle it all. Well, I am working on getting there....as I said pray for me. Also I go back to Duke on Wednesday for them to check my liver out again. I have mixed emotions about that one. If I come home without my drain, I will be happy. If I come home with more issues....not so happy. So once again PRAY
I love you all.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up
Tammy
dalsnlabs@yahoo.com (in case you wanna email me)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Stubborn People - Yep That's Me
I have an issue in my life that I am trying to be a obsessed with and not give to God. As I started to worry about this issue one of the very first persons I talked with who knows exactly what is going on told me to not worry to give it to God that He was gonna take care of it. So what did I do.... I continued to worry and think about it.
Yesterday morning I awaken to read my "Jesus Calling" devotional book and what did it say......"I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do, I am the Lord."
Does that sound like a stubborn person?....yes that is me. Did I continue to worry.....Yes I did. Later in the day, I spoke with my mom. She talked me thru the whole process and finally told me to stop worrying that God will provide. There were times in her life that she was provided what she needed to keep going at exactly the right time and she is certain God will do that for me. Did I continue to worry......welllllll.....I started getting it in my head that everything would be all right that I just needed to trust God.
So now this morning I get up to teach my Sunday school lesson. What was it about? Trusting God and how he provided for a widow when she was in need. Yes..same message for what the 5th time. Pastor Billie even mentioned in his sermon exactly what I was worried about and his message. Stop worrying.....God will Provide. So do I get it now.......YES I DO. Pray that I keep trusting and quit worrying. God will provide, I only need to trust Him. Love you God!
Yesterday morning I awaken to read my "Jesus Calling" devotional book and what did it say......"I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do, I am the Lord."
Does that sound like a stubborn person?....yes that is me. Did I continue to worry.....Yes I did. Later in the day, I spoke with my mom. She talked me thru the whole process and finally told me to stop worrying that God will provide. There were times in her life that she was provided what she needed to keep going at exactly the right time and she is certain God will do that for me. Did I continue to worry......welllllll.....I started getting it in my head that everything would be all right that I just needed to trust God.
So now this morning I get up to teach my Sunday school lesson. What was it about? Trusting God and how he provided for a widow when she was in need. Yes..same message for what the 5th time. Pastor Billie even mentioned in his sermon exactly what I was worried about and his message. Stop worrying.....God will Provide. So do I get it now.......YES I DO. Pray that I keep trusting and quit worrying. God will provide, I only need to trust Him. Love you God!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Driving
I drove on Friday for the first time in 9 weeks if David's calculations are correct. I have taken Maggie to the bus stop a couple of times this week but yesterday I drove to Smithfield twice. No one was harmed and we made it there and back quite safely. I haven't been driving because chemo sometimes seems to be affecting my brain and my concentration. I sensed this alot when I first started it but I think that either my body is adjusting to the chemo and that part is not affecting me as much or it just that its almost 2 weeks out since I had chemo and the effects are wearing off but will be back on Tuesday when I get chemo again. I think I am gonna try to be on the alert for that next week.
I also started a study that I had bought a while back because my brain seemed a little clearer. It is called Verically Inclined and as I think of it I bought it 2 years ago at a Whole Women's conference. I felt like I could get into it and really needed something to focus on to get into the Bible again. I have had a hard time even sitting down to read it. I read and it seems that is it. It's like the words weren't sticking so reading was doing me no good. In the past couple of weeks that has changed also. So I started a study. Don't know how that will work next Wednesday but I guess I will see. If I don't think I am getting it like I should I will put it aside until my brain cells kick back in again.
Well that's about it for now. What a wonderful feeling to drive. I am actually going to drive again today because Maggie and I are going to church this morning for a WMU service and David has somewhere else to be at the same time. The speaker this morning is a potter and will be talking with us while making a piece of pottery. I am looking forward to this.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Don't forget church on Sunday. Remember me and my family in your prayers.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP! God Loves You!
Tammy
I also started a study that I had bought a while back because my brain seemed a little clearer. It is called Verically Inclined and as I think of it I bought it 2 years ago at a Whole Women's conference. I felt like I could get into it and really needed something to focus on to get into the Bible again. I have had a hard time even sitting down to read it. I read and it seems that is it. It's like the words weren't sticking so reading was doing me no good. In the past couple of weeks that has changed also. So I started a study. Don't know how that will work next Wednesday but I guess I will see. If I don't think I am getting it like I should I will put it aside until my brain cells kick back in again.
Well that's about it for now. What a wonderful feeling to drive. I am actually going to drive again today because Maggie and I are going to church this morning for a WMU service and David has somewhere else to be at the same time. The speaker this morning is a potter and will be talking with us while making a piece of pottery. I am looking forward to this.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Don't forget church on Sunday. Remember me and my family in your prayers.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP! God Loves You!
Tammy
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