I do have a bit of good news today. I think part of my weepiness may be medication induced. I had been having problems sleeping so my doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien. Side effects of this medication is depressing thoughts. Well, I had taken it nightly since Tuesday so last night I held off on taking it. I felt much better today thought wise. I have not cried except when I prayed and that crying is normal for me. So I will be taking that drug only in extreme circumstances when I feel that I haven't been getting the sleep I need and only a night at a time. Thanks for all the prayers and the uplifting comments that resulted from my post. Yes, I will still get weepy eyed over all of this sometimes without the assistance of medication but that's o.k. God sees those tears and he knows why they are falling.
I have spent alot of time today googling Pancreatic Cancer. It is so sad that this cancer is so difficult to detect. Almost everyone gets their diagnosis too late to do the most aggressive type of treatment. I think that the research wheels are turning and there will be changes in the future. Everything I have read reassures me that what I am doing is the best for the type of cancer that I have. That my treatment is the best and the steps we are taking are the best for what I have going on. I truly think God is giving me the tools that He wants me to use and I am to use them. I think if this changes, He will let me know. I truly trust Him to do that.
Well that's all I have for today. Thanks to all the people that are bringing meals to my family. To be honest, I can't take the smells of cooking due to nausea, although I have managed to cook scrambled eggs (they don't smell) and cook noodles which I can eat without problems. I am sorry to say that I eat very little of what is brought but David and Maggie really appreciate it. It is kinda sad to go to the grocery store and see all the foods you would love to buy but know you're not gonna be able to eat them as long as you are on chemo. Potato chips (how I loved you).....gone. Everything is so salty. I did eat a little of my mom's baked spaghetti today (yes it was salty too and she added no extra salt). That was my lunch. Supper was a banana sandwich (got that potassium in) and if you want to know breakfast was honey nut cheerios minus the milk (we were out but we got some today). That's all I have eaten at this point. Some days I am hungry and some days I am not. I try to make the most of the hungry days. And sometimes we slip off to Cook Out for milkshakes, Jd's for ice cream or Hills of Snow for shaved ice. That's after the one chemo drug that makes my mouth cold sensitive wears out usually by the weekend after chemo on Tuesday. Actually all this cold sweet stuff tastes normal and is actually good to me. Kinda like cherry KoolAid is my favorite drink now. (Good stuff). I hope I don't bore you with all of this but its my life and I am blogging it because I feel the need to.
This scripture comes from my daily devotional for today. Seems like a good one to plant in my heart especially after my period of weepiness. Ps 119:28
Once again thanks for your prayers.....keep'em coming.
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP
Love you All
Tammy My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
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