Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

Holidays are taking on a little different meaning to me this year.  The significance of each day actually everyday has a little extra meaning.  Every day that we breathe is a gift from God and in the daily hustle its easy to forget that.  No one is guaranteed tomorrow.  Even with my diagnosis and the uncertainty of the future, I am not guaranteed tomorrow since anything can happen at any time.  I think of people that die in car accidents suddenly.  Just yesterday in the news I heard of a father shot and killed himself and his innocent daughter.  There's a mother in that story that's missing a child today....on mother's day.  With the uncertainty of life it is necessary to remember the importance of each day.  To make sure that the people you love, know that you love them.  I was blessed today to spend time with family.  Alot of my family.  We had lunch at my mom's house.  Both my mom's sister's and their husbands were there.  My uncle and aunt from Alabama came down. I had cousins and their kids present and my sister in laws, niece and my younger brother.  What a blessing to be able to see and spend time with them.  God is so Good!!!!It was a peaceful afternoon spent in the company of people I love the most.  After we left my mom's we stopped by David's moms and while we were there my brother in law and his family stopped in so we had all the Wrights in the HOUSE!  That was wonderful too.  Nobody was in a rush to get anywhere and we got to spend a little time talking with them.  What a perfect day!  The way a holiday or special day should be.  Now I am at home with two of my most favorite people.  My David and My Maggie......yes we are all just chilling, watching tv and playing on computers but we are together and that is a great gift for me.  This holiday started out with me being a little sad.....cause if I let it in the midst of other things affecting my life.....it could have been depressing.  But when I stop to think about it in light of the uncertainty of life anyway.  I left the sadness behind and found the happiness in the day.  You see only God knows the certain things in life and since I don't there's no need to worry ......its in His hands.  So no more sadness....Only smiles now!  .....Yes that took a little thought and prayers to change my attitude but that's what prayers and thinking about God will do....take sadness and change it to gladness.

Love you all

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Encouragement from Above

This is exactly what I needed this morning......it came in an email from Dr. David Jeremiah.  I keep worrying about the future and what might be and even pray asking God to help me deal with the doubts and fears and last night I went back and read my dream.  God was there to fight for me.  I did nothing but stand still and praise Him and He was the one that drove the danger away.....so to get this email this morning is reassurance that I just need to do exactly what the verse below says: 

Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today... The LORD will fight for you....

Exodus 14:13-14a

and here's the rest of the email:
Who can imagine the terror that gripped the families of Israel in Exodus 14? The joy of their emancipation was overwhelmed by sudden crisis. Before them was the Red Sea; behind them was the flash of Pharaoh's swords. With no way out, they seemed to be facing annihilation. Yet the Lord said, "Don't be afraid. See what I will do. Stand still and watch while I fight for you." As Moses raised his rod over the waters, the winds of heaven blew and the sea parted before them.

God can make a way where there seems to be no way. Isaiah 43:19b (KJV) says, "I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." The apostle Paul promised God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability but will with the temptation make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you're facing a challenging problem, don't be afraid. Stand still and see what God will do. He will make a way.

God will make a way for me....He is fighting for me!  Lord, help me to remember that on a daily basis. 

Love you all
Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A prayer

Dear Father in Heaven,

I don't know why but I feel the need to come to you in prayer in written form.  You put this on my heart 2 days ago but I did not do it but this morning it is pressing again so it must be something I need to do if I am to be obedient to you.  You have taughtme alot about obedience over the years and I know that if I am not obedient I miss out on blessings .....so here you go God...my written prayer.  Don't know where it will lead, how long it will be or what I will say but I have a thought that you are gonna lead this somewhere.
God you know I love you, I cannot imagine my life without you in it.  You are my Awesome God and I love you more and more each day.  Even with the circumstances in my life, I have not felt any bitterness toward you for the things that are happening.  I guess that comes from past experiences in your service and knowing no matter how bad things are that you are there and you will get me thru them according to Your Holy Will.  I can not imagine how people face their problems without you in their life.  I know I would be a whole different person without you.  I guess my only regret in life is the years I spent away from you.  I grew up in church and until I finished college and got married I stayed there.  During those first years as a married couple David and I did not settle on a church so for approx 10 years I drop out of you service.  Oh what I could have accomplished for you in 10 years.  But you know in a way, I know that was part of your plan also.  The christian I was when I quit going to church on a regular basis and the one I am now are two very different people.  God, you knew when the timing was right and you led me back to church thru my child.  I knew my child needed to be in church and if she needed church, her mom did too.  So you put me in a church where I could grow.  And grow I have, God I am so happy to be where you have me today, that you did not give up on me but you have led me and fed me and even disciplined me into the person I am now.  I know you are not finished, as I am still a work in progress but I am willing still to be molded and shaped into the vessel you need me to be.  God, You are Awesome and I love you So MUCH!
Today is to be a National Day of Prayer and God I plan to spend the day in prayer.  A prayer in my heart, spoken prayer and even written prayer.  Thank you for the gift of prayer.
Thank you God for being you, Thank you for your awesomeness.  You are creator, deliverer, alpha and omega, high tower, healer, king of kings, lord of lords, Almighty, unimaginable and my love.  Thank you for all you have given me, for providing for my needs, for loving me, for walking beside me and holding my hand, for lifting me up when I need a lift, for whispering in my ear when I need encouragement.  For speaking PEACE to my soul.  Thank you for friends, family, and all the wonderful people you have brought into my life.  Thank you for your SON.  Oh how I love the name of Jesus!  Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, for dying on the cross for me that I might have everlasting life.  Thank you for your example on earth that we read of in the Bible.  It makes it so much easier to know that you relate to our earthly struggles because you had those of your own so you know it's not easy down here and you understand.  Thank you Jesus - for YOU!  How very hard for God to lay down His only son for a sinner like me but He did and then Jesus - you went willingly.  OHHHHHHHH  Thank you.  And thank you  for the Holy Spirit that resides within us all if we allow Him.  The Holy Spirit speaks to you from within telling you what the Father wants you to hear and revealing his will and ways to you.  Thank you God for the spirit.  Oh Father, How you have blessed us all with the gift of yourself, your son and your spirit.  You are awesome and you are God!  I love you more and more each day.  Thank you for choosing me as a child of God. For using me in your service and I pray that I will not let you down in any way.  I am not worthy but you are in control and have a master plan and if I am a part of it please feel free to use me to accomplish your will on earth as it is in Heaven.  I love you God and am proud to be your willing servant. 

Love you Father, Love you Son and Love you Holy Spirit
Your Daughter ........Tammy

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!  God is Good and if you are willing, he will use you in ways you can never even imagine.  It might not be a way of your choosing.....I am a good example of that but He will use you and You will be blessed because of it. 
Thank YOU Lord for your blessings on me

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Ants in my Pants

To say I am anxious is an understatement.  As I mentioned yesterday, I think that soon I will know what my next steps will be when it comes to my treatment.  It is driving me a little crazy.....well alot crazy.  So far it has been a good week health wise and I made it to church tonight.  YAY ME!  I felt like I could make it and I did.  And I can't help but think when I went it was for a reason and it was.  Our lesson was from Acts, and the man healed after 40 years of being a crippled.  What an awesome story of God's power and His work.  The miracle of the healing was wonderful for the man but the blessing and praises that ensued from all the others that witnessed it was the more amazing part.  All the people praised the LORD when they saw what had happen and it gathered a crowd.  Pastor Billie mentioned the blessings in our life and do we let them show so that others can be blessed by our blessings.  If we short our self a blessing we may be shorting someone else the witness of our blessing.
Thru all that I am going thru and the uncertainty of my future, I know that the process is a blessing.  Yes, a blessing.  God for some reason chose me to carry this burden and to share it with others and that is what I am doing thru this blog and the testimony I give to others when I have the opportunity.  If God has blessed me ....I wanna tell it.  If God has blessed you ......you should tell it.  It may bless someone else and you know what else ....it helps others to see that God is REAL.  I so many times think that people don't see God as REAL ....but He IS!  He is actively working in our lives and if you see it and know it share it with someone so that can feel it, see it and know it too.
So HOW HAS GOD BLESSED YOU TODAY?  something to think about huh?  And if He blessed you did you thank HIM and then tell someone about it.
He woke me up this morning,  He gave me strength to go into work to help really quickly for a survey, He gave me strength for my mom and myself to go shop a little and then He gave me strength to get to church.  My appetite has been good the past couple of days and I feel rested.  (My eyes are getting heavy right now though).  God is blessing and He still provides me with peace.  So now there's a blessing that I needed to remember and it just came in writing the Blog.  PEACE.....God gives me peace that will calm that anxiety down huh.....peace, peace wonderful peace.  What a wonderful God!  A peaceful full of blessings God.  LOVE YOU GOD, LOVE YOU JESUS, AND LOVE YOU HOLY SPIRIT.  YOU ARE AWESOME AS ALWAYS.

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP

LOVE YOU ALL    TAMMY

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Chemo and food

Never in my life has food been so important to me.  Strange huh?  I have spent most of my life wanting to lose weight and counting calories.  Now I am trying to figure out what I want to eat and making sure I get enough food in me for strength.  Strange huh?  Chemo changes the taste buds alot and I mean alot.  No potato chips for me, no french fries, nothing salty is good.  Even a hamburger - i make myself eat.  The really good stuff is sweet and creamy.  And drinks........when I first get chemo it can't be cold because of the meds.  About a week out I can revert back to cold again.  So what do I like now.  Applesauce, Apple juice (not the non sweetened kind mind you).  KOOL-Aid (cherry), Mt. Dew, chocolate milk, and sometimes gatorade.  (got a little burned out on it at first till I figured out what I would drink).  As far as food, really other than applesauce, I make myself eat.  I did get me some grapes and they were good.  Smfd Chicken n BBQ's potato salad still rocks.  And the ribs at KickBack Jacks in Garner.  I can eat a 1/2 rack of those but that's all.  Everything else is either not good or I eat it just to eat.  I did buy myself some pasta salad in the deli to try along with potato salads since the creamy things work best.  So far my weight isn't dropping too quickly.  Ensure provides me with added nutrients and I feel like I am getting the right amount of food in.  So pray God blesses the food I do eat, helps me find more things to eat.  That I get the strength I need from what I do intake.

And for everyone bringing food, my family really appreciates it.  Depending on what it is I partake too.  I won't tell you I eat every meal because that would not be true but I usually get me a small portion just to see if I like it and if I do I get more.  Thanks to everyone bringing food.....it is appreciated.

and as an update.  I hope to find out my next steps when I receive chemo next Tuesday.  They originally set me up on 4 treatments.  I suspect scans will follow and then next steps will be mapped out.  I'll keep you posted.  I am a little ready to know myself.  If the spots have shrunk or not.  I do know my back pain and abdominal pain that took me to seek help have gone so that is a good sign at least pain wise.  That part is working well.  Keep praying for healing or more specifically God's will!!!!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking up! 

Tammy

Monday, May 2, 2011

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Mt 10:29  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny ? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows

Over the past week or two I have been noticing hair loss.  Yes, a side of chemo is losing your hair.  I am o.k with this and if you know me I have a lot of hair to lose before it will be all gone but I think it is happening.  I am noticing more and more hair falling and to be very honest, I can run my hands thru it and come out with fingers full without effort.  Don't know if it will all come out or not but we shall see. 
I have already been playing with scarves, have had some head coverings made for me and thought about a wig (......me a wig).  Don't know at this point how much will hair will hang on and how much will go but I'll let you.  This thought originally bothered me not so much for myself but for my daughter but she even seems to be coming to terms with it.  Which makes me happy.  I have never been vain and hair grows back so there!!!!

The reason I write this this morning, is that IT WAS THE first thing in my brain this morning ......I thought I am losing my hair but PRAISE GOD -He knows that.  Matt. 10 above says they are numbered because he cares for us so greatly.  HOW AWESOME especially for me right now.  He know every moment which one is there and now which one is gone.  If he has that much concern for my details, WOW just think about the concern for the big things.  HE IS AWESOME.  It gives me peace this morning and reassurance.

On a lighter note, because I approached this subject with some of my Sisters in Christ at church yesterday, I got an offer of a shave.  Who knows, if it gets messy I may just call my wonderful friend Karen up and let her come and do it.  She makes house calls and even offered to shave her own with me ; )   Love you Karen and all my Sisters in Christ.  Your support is amazing.  You are all AWESOME!!!   AND YES WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS - WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR.

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!

Tammy

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sleep Praises......

My sleep patterns are all messed up but its o.k. as long as I feel rested and I can catch a nap when needed.  So far so good on all those accounts.  So yes God is good even at 2am when I can't sleep - He is there.  This morning during one of my wake rounds....usually I fall to sleep for 1 or 2 hours wake up for 1 or 2 hours then sleep.  sometimes the cycles are longer for sleep sometimes longer for wake.  I just never know till night fall hits.  Anyway.  This morning being such a morning I decided, can't sleep might as well Praise God.  So I Did!

I started with God - not verbalized just in my brain.  He awesomeness, majesty, love, strength, guidance, and strength.  I thought of all the words I can fathom for God and fell to sleep thinking of Him.  (not bad huh)

When I woke for my next section of non sleep.....I went to Jesus....what can I say - sweetest name I know.  I continued on with Jesus until I went to sleep.  Somewhere in there I slipt in the Holy Spirit knowing He's there the whole time and what an awesome peaceful rest it was.  Yay God!  Yes I am still a bit sleep and my drift off before church.  I have the time but I just wanted to share some helpful hints for sleepless nights. 

BTW
God woke me with this song this morning.  Its an oldie but it very fitting for me right now.  So out of the blue ......I share it with you.  (Yes i am a poet)  ; )

THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY


THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.
THE DARKER THE VALLEY THE MORE I LEARN TO PRAY.
I FOUND YOU WHERE THE LILLIES ARE BLOOMING BY THE WAY.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY.

THANK YOU FOR EVERY HILL I'VE CLIMBED
FOR EVERY TIME THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE.
THANK YOU FOR EVERY LONELY NIGHT
I PRAYED UNTIL I KNEW THAT EVERY THING WAS ALRIGHT.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY

LIFE CAN'T BE ALL SUNSHINE OR THE FLOWERS WOULD DIE.
THE RIVERS WOULD BE DESERTS ALL BARREN AND DRY.
LIFE CAN'T BE ALL BLESSING FOR THERE'D BE NO NEED TO PRAY.
SO I THANK YOU FOR THE VALLEY I WALKED THROUGH TODAY

thats it.
Keep Prayiing and Keep Looking UP!