Still Praising!

I am still praising God over my news from Friday so when the choir started out with How Great Thou Art/How Great is Our God, I lost it.  My God is so great and everything that is happening in my life is a result of His love for me.  I do not know why He loves me so much but I am amazed and in awe of His love for me.  God is Good all the time and He has been especially good to me.  I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I wished everyone knew the REAL God.  That He is actively working in our lives each day.  I know alot of people go to church.  They sing of God, they pray to God but do they experience God, do they rely on God and do they fully trust him to provide from day to day.  I find at this point in my life the need to trust him everyday.  O how I love HIM and Oh How He loves me!  Yes Markers down from 9,000 to start with to 2900 now.  That's GOD!!!!!!!!!!!  LOVE YA!

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!

Tammy

Praise

Just got off the phone just a short bit ago and my tumor markers are down to 2900.  (Last check 4600).  The MRI last night showed that my tumors on my pancreas and liver are shrinking.  PRAISE THE LORD.  With that said, I couldn't have my chemo this week due to my WBC's being low and I was scheduled for 2 weeks from now.  The doctor decided that we need to get back to chemo, so now I am scheduled for chemo on Monday next week.  Let's get all of this knocked out......God is so Good and I have been shedding tears of happiness. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!

Love you all

Tammy

Get off Google

I had a wake up call from a dear cousin yesterday.  She is concerned about me and Loves me a whole lot and the feeling is mutual.  We are close in age and she has her own health concerns that she has been dealing with for a couple of years so she has been through some of the feelings I am experiencing.  So she sent me a text yesterday and told be to quit looking up all this stuff about my disease and to get back to my favorite book.  Slap my hands or even bop me upside of the head cause you know Thanks I needed that!  Not even being funny.  She is exactly right.  I needed that.  I do need to quit looking at all the processes, the survivors, the treatments, the complications.  I know enough now to know this disease that I can quit fixating on it and get back to HIS WORD.   His Word is where the answers lie, so I can quit looking elsewhere.  Thanks Cheryl.  That's was sent from HIM thru you and I really needed it.  God is good and I am so glad He is Patient. 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up and I will do the same and start Digging into His Word. 

Love You All

Tammy

Moms with Cancer

I have done a lot of googling once again.  Seems I am hung up on all the emotions of my daughter getting older and finishing elementary school.  With my diagnosis hanging over my head I have to wonder how may other milestones I will get to see.  (If you are reading please stop crying> you're making me cry ; )  I know we are not guaranteed anything in life and I could just as easily be taken in a car crash today but there is something more about a real possibility that is nagging at me.  I have prayed, I have talked and I have cried this out with Jesus over the past couple of days.  He has assured me that He has Maggie.  Maggie is only on loan to me.  She's not mine, never has been she is His!!!!  He gave her to me to raise, to love, to teach and to hold as long as I am needed.  If I am taken from her life early it is because it is o.k........He's got it under control.  My job will have been finished.  She will always have my love, my lessons, my laugh, and my personality to that have affected her to become the child - adult she will become.  My job is to love her while I have her.  To make the most of everyday with her.  To let her know she is loved every single day and to make her aware of how special she is to me.  If you have children, I encourage you to do the same.  You may not have cancer but you do not have a guarantee of how much time you have with your child.  Make the most of every minute with your gift from God! 

Love you God and I don't know why you love me so much that you would take the time to work all this stuff out in my head with me.  I know I tire you sometimes, I know I am just like the israelites in the wilderness.  Thank you for your patience, thank you for your love, thank you for your strength, thank your for your word.  thank you for all you do for me.  I AM NOT WORTHY!!!!!  BUT THANK YOU!  cause you are there, you hold my hand, you fill my soul, you dry my tears, you hear my cries, and you always provide support.....not always answers but you support me in my questions and tears.  Love you God!!!!!!  and Oh How I Know You Love Me!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up

Love you All,
Tammy

Don't know what to write.

It's Sunday afternoon and I really don't have a clue what to blog about.  It has been a good weekend.  I really enjoyed yesterday.  Going places as a family, David, myself and Maggie yesterday really meant more to me than they know.  It felt normal again.  We went to Raleigh to AC Moore, then to Cary to Barnes and Noble, to Garner to Kick Back Jacks and then just ran into Lowe's Food to pick up a few things.  All 3 of us in a car going here and there.  They might even think I am crazy for thinking this was great.  Too many days I don't feel normal anymore.  Maybe the weekends are good for me because they make me feel normal.  On Saturday, Maggie is out of school so I get to hang out with her.  Other people are off so there is chances of seeing them.  On Sundays, there is church to occupy my time.  That's normal for me.  Seeing my friends, seeing my family, spending time with them doing family things.  Weekdays are long.  Its spending days at home with an occasional trip to the Walmart, grocery store or Lowes.  It Maggie at school and David sometimes off doing work.  It's me sitting in a chair at times playing on the computer.  I miss going to work.  (yes I said that).  I miss getting up early to do my Bible study, then get a shower and get ready for work.  Getting Maggie up for school and then taking her to the bus stop.  Once she was on the bus I went to work.  I miss coming home and starting supper after I got home because Maggie is Starving!!!  I miss all the stuff that goes on at work everyday.  I miss being able to eat what I want to when I want to.  I miss being NORMAL.  I no longer can just pull into a drive thru and know what I wanna order.  This has changed life for me.  I am not complaining....just going thru an acceptance period of life now.  Maybe one day if chemo ever ends then food will be normal again.  This neuropathy in my right hand will be gone.  And things will change back to normal.  But really I don't think my normal will ever be the same again.  Its o.k.........I'm All Right!  I accept this as a part of life and that I have to face it with courage, strength and the knowledge that God is there.  All of this takes me back to my dream.  My job is to face the LION!!!  To face my God!  Even when I get upset about the personal changes in my life, I am not upset with God.  I can't explain this.  I still will say I don't know how this will end but I know MY GOD WILL BE AT THE END because He is a Forever God.  I feel positive about this one fact in my life.  In the end, everything will be all right!  I feel it so strongly even right now as I type this, I could almost shout Hallelujah.  My God has This!  I know He has This!  And whatever the end He will be With ME!  Oh How I love Him and Oh How He loves Me MORE.  God Is So GOOD!!!!!!!  Well, that went from nothing to write to me smiling and being glad I wrote.  That's a God thing and it's not the first time He's prompted me to do that.  Just Write Tammy......Just Write!!!!!  So I did and I am Blessed.  Thank YOU GOD, JESUS AND HOLY GHOST!  LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL

TAMMY ANN WRIGHT 

Oh How He Loves ME!

Jesus loves me this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  YES JESUS LOVES ME....YES JESUS LOVES ME, YES JESUS LOVES for the Bible tells me so.  I am amazed with the love He has for me.  How do I know He loves me.  Answered prayers.  My drainage tube coming out was answered prayers.  Finding out that 2 different people were praying for me to have peace at times that I needed Peace is a God thing and proves that He loves me.  It is amazing to hear that God placed it on some one's heart to all of a sudden pray for me.  I was told that twice if not 3 times over the past couple of days.  Thank you God for your love.  Thank you for obedient people that will pray when they feel the tug to pray. I felt peace at times when I could have been stressed out.  Yes I was stressed at times too.  I will not say I was the princess of peace cause I was not.  I was afraid, I was fearful and I asked why Me?  But God was there!  and that is how I know that He loves me.  O' How He Loves Me........and you know what He loves you too! 

Keep Praying and Keep Looking Up!

Tammy

Update on Tammy

Here's my update or my PRAISE!  I went to Duke on Wednesday morning for my study.  It was to check the flow of biliary fluid thru my liver and to determine if my drain that I had in needed to be exchanged.  I went thru the procedure, which was quite painful at times and as a result of my response during the procedure they decided to keep me over night.  They did place a stint in my liver at this time also.  My HR increased, Oxygen levels dropped and I developed chills and they decided to keep me to give me iv antibiotics and to control my pain.  This was a little upsetting because I wanted to go home.  They left a catheter in my side to recheck the flow this morning and if all was well and I behaved while I was in radiology they would let me go home.  So this morning I went back down, and with God's help I behaved and I came home without a catheter in my side at all.  YAY GOD!

This was a prayer of mine, I think of my whole family but I also asked God that if this would be something that I would need in the future to leave it in.  I know He knows the future where I do not and I didn't want a catheter out because I wanted it out if I was gonna need it.  So all that said, I made it thru a painful test, got the result I wanted and have teased Maggie that now I could go buy a bikini so we could go to the water park this summer.  She wants to go to Jungle Rapids at least once each year but I wasn't sure how fun that would be this year wearing long pants and a tshirt.  I was pretty certain the staff or people there having fun were not going to want to see a lady running about in her bathing suit with a bag hanging on her leg.  (Haha.....how pretty a sight is that).   So now the capris and shorts can return for me!  YAY  that makes me happy on these 99degree days.  (its' the little things in life sometimes that make us happy).

So thank you God for answered prayers.  Thank you for holding my hand.  Thank you for being there when I called on you today.  I know your presence was in that testing room both days and I specifically know you were there today.  I sensed your presence.  God, You are Awesome!  Truly you are!!!!

Thanks Mom and David for hanging by my side, supporting me thru tears and just giving a word of encouragement when I needed it.  Thanks also to Pastor Jimmy for being there.  Your prayers and support to my family have always been greatly appreciated.  And to my own Pastor who had agreed with me in prayer.....our God is Good!  He proved it again - didn't HE?  Love you all!

As for all the blog followers, friends, family and facebook friends....God is Good.  He is working.  Thanks for all your prayers, support and the love that I feel each and every day. 

And thanks again to Kristy G (my press agent) when there is good news to pass on it's impossible to catch everyone so Kristy very nicely send out the emails for me.  It is greatly appreciated......more than she will every know.....thank you Kristy!!!!

Keep Praying and Keep Looking UP!!!!

Tammy