It's Sunday afternoon and I really don't have a clue what to blog about. It has been a good weekend. I really enjoyed yesterday. Going places as a family, David, myself and Maggie yesterday really meant more to me than they know. It felt normal again. We went to Raleigh to AC Moore, then to Cary to Barnes and Noble, to Garner to Kick Back Jacks and then just ran into Lowe's Food to pick up a few things. All 3 of us in a car going here and there. They might even think I am crazy for thinking this was great. Too many days I don't feel normal anymore. Maybe the weekends are good for me because they make me feel normal. On Saturday, Maggie is out of school so I get to hang out with her. Other people are off so there is chances of seeing them. On Sundays, there is church to occupy my time. That's normal for me. Seeing my friends, seeing my family, spending time with them doing family things. Weekdays are long. Its spending days at home with an occasional trip to the Walmart, grocery store or Lowes. It Maggie at school and David sometimes off doing work. It's me sitting in a chair at times playing on the computer. I miss going to work. (yes I said that). I miss getting up early to do my Bible study, then get a shower and get ready for work. Getting Maggie up for school and then taking her to the bus stop. Once she was on the bus I went to work. I miss coming home and starting supper after I got home because Maggie is Starving!!! I miss all the stuff that goes on at work everyday. I miss being able to eat what I want to when I want to. I miss being NORMAL. I no longer can just pull into a drive thru and know what I wanna order. This has changed life for me. I am not complaining....just going thru an acceptance period of life now. Maybe one day if chemo ever ends then food will be normal again. This neuropathy in my right hand will be gone. And things will change back to normal. But really I don't think my normal will ever be the same again. Its o.k.........I'm All Right! I accept this as a part of life and that I have to face it with courage, strength and the knowledge that God is there. All of this takes me back to my dream. My job is to face the LION!!! To face my God! Even when I get upset about the personal changes in my life, I am not upset with God. I can't explain this. I still will say I don't know how this will end but I know MY GOD WILL BE AT THE END because He is a Forever God. I feel positive about this one fact in my life. In the end, everything will be all right! I feel it so strongly even right now as I type this, I could almost shout Hallelujah. My God has This! I know He has This! And whatever the end He will be With ME! Oh How I love Him and Oh How He loves Me MORE. God Is So GOOD!!!!!!! Well, that went from nothing to write to me smiling and being glad I wrote. That's a God thing and it's not the first time He's prompted me to do that. Just Write Tammy......Just Write!!!!! So I did and I am Blessed. Thank YOU GOD, JESUS AND HOLY GHOST! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP LOOKING UP!!!!!
LOVE YOU ALL
TAMMY ANN WRIGHT
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